I have been seeing a guy for 5 years. He is the love of my life. I just found, he has been seeing someone else longer then me, had a baby with her and just married her. He claims he married her because of the baby, wants to set an example of “at least I tried to make it work.” He claims he is so in love with me and that he didnt want to do it but he had to for his baby’s sake. He is currently on his honeymoon and is calling me non-stop saying how much he loves me and cant wait to come home. Im truly in love with this man, I know what I have to do but I don’t want to because of how much I love him.. Any advice?
2007-03-20 05:55:46 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Run!!!
Sounds like "in love" and "using" are the same in his vocabulary.
I'll just quote you, "I JUST found......." this means he's been LYING to you.
Don't wait, don't talk, quit answering his calls, break it off, Now!
Let me really put this in context...I'm a guy. I know people who have done similar things, no way would I ever let them date one of my sisters.
2007-03-20 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by spam_free_he_he 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Was he true to you? While pledging his love and fidelity to you was he having an affair? Has trust been broken? Did you ever agree to "share" him with another woman?
Some people can carry on two simultaneous relationships and actually, in their minds, love both people equally. Now there is a child involved, which further complicates an already complicated situation. Could he have just offered child support and involvement in the child's life? Did he have to marry this woman, which connotes choice and commitment.
Is there an expectation that you will now be the "other woman?" You see in my opinion this is not about judgment from some religious or societal framework, which is why I pose all of this as questions. It only matters what you want to do. Don't let anyone and I mean anyone "guilt" you into a decision about what to do. They do not have to live with the choice you will make. This should not be about a judgmental or punishment perspective...it is difficult but there is more clarity that comes from your heart if you try to just sit with it all and see what comes up.
Do you want to continue this relationship? Would it hurt you to continue this relationship? What will you gain from the involvement? Can it continue and you still view this man as the "love of my life?" Has there been such a violation of truthfulness that you will forever question everything he says and does? So it boils down to how you view his behavior. What that behavior means to you. Is it a deal breaker for you? Only you can know, and the heck with all your well meaning, appalled friends. Because trust me they will be appalled. Good friends listen, and allow you to make your own choices. This is tough. Personally i would be too neurotic to continue with someone I thought was only going to be true to me, only to discover he was not true...but that is just me.
2007-03-20 06:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't doubt the fact that you are in love with this man, but the truth is he is not in love with you! If he was in love with you he would not have hurt you the way that he did, He was cheating on you and her at the same time. If you've been with him for 5yrs then he's been lying to the both of you all this time! He is just a selfish man who wants his cake and to eat it too. He is continuing to hurt you by telling you that he loves you not this other woman, but if that was the case then he would not have been seeing the both of you for 5yrs. Now he is married to her-what does that tell you. He has played with your emotions long enough, he now has a WIFE and a kid, that he will not leave for you-no matter how much he tells you so. He will just string you along until you decide enough is enough and leave him. There is a man out there that will love you and only you, don't you fell you deserve that. You don't want to be in a position to continue to love a part time man-because he can't give you all of him, maybe a quick visit here and there and late night phone calls. Also be prepared to spend the major holidays alone, because I'm sure he's going to be spending christmas with his new family. Listen if you really want to see if he Sincerely loves you then tell him-if you love me and you only married her because she had your baby-then you should tell her about us. Think about it if he loves you so much then he would want you to be involved with his life and his kid!
2007-03-20 06:35:02 · answer #3 · answered by moks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U are stuck in a really hard spot and dont know how to get out!! Nothing ever seemed odd to u about this.. Never had any thoughts of him cheating on u? U know what u have to do. U cant keep on like this knowing he is sleeping with someone else..
U have a hard decision to make. Leaving him is the best way. U dont need to keep urself under stress.
Dont let him put u in the middle of this please. for ur own sake.. Move on and live ur life right..
good luck to u and god bless u
2007-03-20 06:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by blue eyes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do what you have to do. spend a weekend on the couch with some Ben and Jerry's and some movies. and then get up take a shower pick up the pieces and move on as best you can from there.
if you need help here is help in an odd kinda way. i got this from some site i forget which though:
A Woman Once Said that a man is like a deck of cards you need:
a heart to love him
a Diamond to marry him
a club to smash in fu**ing head in and
a Spade to bury the bastard!
i know I have an odd sense of humor but that made me lough.
2007-03-20 06:00:05 · answer #5 · answered by ~*These Blue Eyes Tell No Lies*~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Run... No seriously, run. Do not take his calls.
Who you fell in love with was all based on a lie. This man has another life that didn't involve you. He has been lieing to you since you two first met. There is nothing here to save. What you would want to hold on to doesn't even really exist.
You are hurt, and it will take time to heal, but you will heal. Do not let this man continue to hurt you as he has done for the last five years.
Good Luck!
2007-03-20 06:01:40 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You said it, Girl. You know what you have to do. He's been lying to you all along. He's been hiding this woman from you. He's not even trying to make it work though, cuz he's still calling you. If you want to continue a relationship with someone that will deceive you for that long, girl....you are asking for trouble like you've NEVER seen, and you will surely get it. STOP him in his tracks. Don't let him do this to you, cuz you deserve better! I'd let his new wife know what he's all about too. This loser needs to be taught a GOLDEN lesson!
2007-03-20 06:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OMFGoodness are you serious?? He is on his honeymoon with someone else and YOU have been the other woman for five f-ing years?? And you don't know what to do?
Get over him, move on, and stop answering your phone when he calls. You will not be the one to come out on top here. you will have a vindictive ex wife calling you a homewrecker and a child that will blame you for breaking its parents up. Run away woman.
2007-03-20 06:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
He made his choice you don't marry for kids that the oldest bullshit in the world. Move on unless he divorce her and marry you either way your second his second choice if he loved you he would not have had another long term relationship plus a baby which means he was not using a condom Don't be fool he used you and in the end chose his true love Sure it hurts but its true men a fools.
2007-03-20 06:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by keena 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like he wants to set a good example at all.
Don't pick up the phone and really after all of this do you think you really new him well enough to be in a relationship with him in the first place. Keep on looking and don't even look back at him. Good Luck
2007-03-20 06:02:53 · answer #10 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOSH!!!! Do you really need advise on this topic?!?- I was once "married" to a guy when I was 19yr. had a baby,now,is 21yr(daughter) when I finally had the strength to leave, I found out he was ALREADY married to someone else, the whole time!!Made an illegal-legal!!!for &!!!Got an annulment! You really need to get him OUT of your system! He is sooo leading you on! He sound's like a good con like mine was!Calling you on HIS honeymoon?!?! What do YOU think he's doing on it??? Having sex to play out the charade? you bet!!!! What an a** he is, open your eye's to this deciever! Mine were sooo closed! & my daughter's the one who payed for it-he never wanted her! Sound's like your still young,may be wrong, but, let him go, & soon- he does'nt deserve YOU!!!!!He is messing w/ your heart-bigtime!! He'll just keep decieving you as long as you let him, then one day- your going to think, what the H*** have I done?!?!!! Get over him, ignore(don't answer) him(call's)-move on, He'll never leave her'cuz of child, I kind of feel sorry for her too-because I've been there!!!What a loser he is!!! Move on!!
2007-03-20 06:23:54 · answer #11 · answered by mgle3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋