My husband and I have been married for almost a year and its been nothing but hell.Before we got married he was good to me.Now he talks to me like a dog.He constantly puts me down.I've tryed counsuling but he lied through the whole thing even though I confronted him about it.He was trying to make me look bad.I'm tired of being mentaly abused daily but I'm 4 mo. pregnant with his baby and we have a 2 year old.I would always let him see his kids but he said he would kill me if I left.Hes been to prison befor and doesnt care if he goes back.I don't know if this is searous enough to go to a womans shelter for protection. I have no idea what to do.I used to love him untill he began treating me this way.I don't know anyone around where I live to go to for advice or help.any segestions
2007-03-20 05:46:13 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Hes been to prison befor and doesnt care if he goes back.I don't know if this is searous enough to go to a womans shelter for protection."
Read that disjointed sentence and then think about the answer. Of course this is serious enough for a women's shelter. This issue is why they exist.
Call your local women's shelter and make a plan with them for your escape. Be very careful not to tip him off in any way. Pack bags and see if you can store them at the shelter for a few days. Make your get away as quick as possible.
Your counseling sessions show the cycle of abuse perfectly. Abusers never admit that they did anything hurtful to anyone. They are never responsible for their actions and never admit to the outside world that they had any actions.
Get yourself and your children to a women's shelter as soon as possible. Do not wait. My wife lived with a man for 19 years who emotionally and later physically abused her. She did something that tipped him off on her escape and he gave her two black eyes and would have done more if she had not ducked.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-20 05:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like your husband is controlling - from what you are saying he has never actually physically harmed you; but his words have done enough damage to make you afraid. It is not very healthy for him to put you down to that point every day. Not to mention that your kids will observe this behavior and believe it to be ok and normal.
I would try leaving him for a period of time without making any final decisions. If it is at all possible, see if you can stay with a friend or relative (even if it's not local) to have some additional support. You could also go to counseling alone to continue to have professional guidance through this situation.
While you are away from him, take you time in going back to him. Set some ultimatum - and stand your ground. Sometimes a separation really wakes people up!
Further, if you truly wish to leave, and feel you are trapped because of his treats, go to the police for help and advice. The police are good at judging the potential danger of someone, and would also have access to his background to judge the danger, combined with your feelings.
Get out, step back and judge this situation more clearly while you are not in it!
2007-03-20 06:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by sherman supporter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need help and a plan. It is difficult with children but it is best if they are not in that environment. He will not change and you can not change him. You need to think about your well being and your childrens. My first thought is to call a crisis/abuse line in your area. They may be able to help you find a place to live or at least someone to talk to. If you could talk to your family that would be good. Maybe you could go live with them or they could help you be on your own. Whatever you do, you need to be careful, your hubby sounds dangerous. I think some professional advice would be the best to help you make a good decision. In the mean time I would try to stash away some money that he does not know about so if you do need to leave you have something to help you. Take care, be safe.
2007-03-20 06:05:57 · answer #3 · answered by K L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! This is serious enough to go to a woman's shelter if you need to. He didn't show his true colors while you were dating, so he waited until you married him so he'd "have you". You can take the kids with you absolutely! If he's been in prison before and doesn't mind going back, then you might as well send him there. Send me an email, I want to ask more questions, that way I can give you detailed info.
2007-03-20 05:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hits you, you should file a police report. You could find battered womens shelter number in the front of your phone book. Counseling isn't working, so you need to leave. Maybe he'll straighten up once he sees you mean business. The shelter will also provide you w/ information on support group meetings. You don't necessarily have to call to live there. You can call for advise too.
2007-03-20 06:02:58 · answer #5 · answered by J Doe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abusers like to separate their victims from friends and family. You need to call a shelter or old friends or family for tickets or a ride to safety. Physically leaving is the easy part. Mentally leaving is the hard part. You need to forget that you will always allow him to have access to your children...that will not be possible. If he has been to prison then he more than likely has a parole officer and if your husband physically attacked you he can immediately be returned to prison to finish his sentence. Call his parole officer and tell him about the death threat your husband laid on you. The threat, in some jurisdictions, is a violation of his parole and he will go bye-bye giving you time to disappear from him...forever.
2007-03-20 06:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is serious enough to go to a shelter. However,if you go be committed to staying gone. The most foolish thing women do is leave and then go back to he abuser. You need to call an attorney and let them point you in the right direction. You will find most family practice attorneys will give you the first hour of consultation for free and they will have all the information that you need on how to get away and where you can go. If you are not going to do it for yourself please consider that your children do not need to grow up in a dangerous environment.
2007-03-20 05:51:19 · answer #7 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put him thoroughly from your brain, overlook he ever existed, and meet a well guy to maintain you and your youngster. With any good fortune, your father can hold you lengthy ample so that you can get steady, as in a task and a situation of your possess. That empowers you to don't have any want of the abuser, ever once more. You ought to turn out to be dependable, and self adequate, on your youngster's sake, if no longer for yours. Good good fortune!
2016-09-05 09:31:12 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to establish a paper trail like a permanent restraining order and file for a legal separation. You need to make everyone aware of your situation so that he can't hide behind his facade (this does not mean tell everyone you are leaving). You are right to contact a local shelter and if they cannot admit you and your child, ask for alternatives.
BTW-- Why would you let a man who has threatened to end your life see your children?? If he did not think twice about saying that then you need to be more protective about who is around you children.
Please be safe!
2007-03-20 06:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Noire 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look I know your in a tough position and you didn't even ask for it but if he is that bad you have no other choice but to leave with all the kids, because sooner or later someone is gonna get killed and i rather him than you, cause you have some precious babies to take care of .... if you would like some more advice do not hesitate t contact me and we can chat about more.....STAND UP AND DO IT RIGHT NOW...
2007-03-20 05:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by beecharmed_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋