What should I do? Loyalty to old friend or fun with recent friends.?

Question

Hello. I am invited to attend an old college friend's wedding reception on an upcoming Saturday afternoon. I have not kept in very good contact with this person since college - maybe seeing this person once per year. The same saturday afternoon, however, I am also invited to join a group of newer friends who are going to a yearly event which I have gone to before and always have had lots of fun. I have been doing things with these friends multiple times during the year for several years. There is no way for me to go to both events, as they are happening during the same time and in different cities. So, which do I choose (1) be loyal to my old friend from college, or (2) have tons of fun with my group of newer friends and just send the old college friend a wedding card?

Answer 1

It depends if you want to keep contaact with your old college friend--Usually at wedding receptions it is pretty formal--you will not be spending much time with your friend at all--just showing up and congratulating him and meeting his wife..So if you want the friendship to last meet him--but even then--you could say you cannot make it and meet him later..at the reception he will have no time for you--

I would go with the newer friends---not because you are being disloyal--but because you barely see your old college friend anyway--It sounds like the only reason you are thinking of going is out of guilt and that is not a good reason to go--Go where you think you want to go--where you will have a good time...Send a card and regrets to your friend and tell him you want to catch up with him later....But don't expect him to come to your wedding!

Answer 2

The decision is entirely up to you. Either way is fine.

I just recently went to a wedding of a friend that I hadn't talked to for over 15 years... it turned out that there were others there at the wedding that I knew that I only meet up with at weddings. Weddings are occasions where I catch up with others that I don't see very often. Those wedding days, I didn't have the same conflict as you with two events. But if that happened... I would probably go to the wedding figuring that I have many more opportunities to see my recent friends.

Of course, you can always go with your friends and send a wedding card just to show your old friend that you are thinking of her and wish her well in this new chapter in life she is starting. No need to give her a reason why you couldn't come.

But in the end, the final decision is really up to you... no matter what people's answers are to your question. As long as you are happy with your decision, that's all that counts. Do what you want to do, not because he said, she said. Neither (1) or (2) is wrong. You can have tons of fun at either occasion... really.

Answer 3

If you don't really keep in touch with your old college friend, tell him that you cannot come but set up a time where you can see him for example during lunch so you can catch up on stuff and congragulate him.
From my point of view, you seem to be more joyful about your newer friends, so you should go there.
But that's just me...

Good luck!

Kristine

Answer 4

You said wedding reception. Does that mean you aren't invited to the wedding? Just my opinion, but your friend who is getting married will be so busy & distracted by the events of the day that he probably wouldn't miss you.
I'd just tell him that it upsets you that you can't be there, but you've already made plans with other friends that can't be broken.

Answer 5

loyalty is best, thats what makes a friendship and thats hard to find.
but if that event is yearly theres always more chances.

if your old friendship isnt growing or going where and its kind of a faded friendship then why not go with your new freinds.

Answer 6

Who did you say yes to first? Thats the place to go.