I hate to think about what I did to her because I loved her very much. But I was a cheat of a husband and her mother left me because I got someone else pregnant when I was drunk. My wife was an adorable petite fun burnette and I had no right to cheat on her and the women I cheated with is a 6ft heavy set, controlling, & exteremly jealous. When my wife left I ended up marrying her as she was threatening to sue me for child support she was PG with twins and did not want me to ever speak to my daughter let alone my ex-wife. This has been eating me up for over 10 years. I want to contact my daughter and my ex wife and make ammends. What do you think?
2007-03-20 05:32:34 · 45 answers · asked by Mr.N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Another case of the "grass is not greener on the other side".
You have to attempt to communicate, that's a start. Your fear has kept you away far too long.
2007-03-20 05:37:42 · answer #1 · answered by E! 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You want to go back. It is next to impossible to go back, due to all the pain you have caused. You can try. But do not expect a miracle. Where is the second wife? If she is still in the picture you are only asking for more trouble. Don't rub salt into a wound. If you have left that woman and are free to have a relationship with your daughter, without the cause of your leaving, you make have a chance. Your ex wife, she would probably like to hear you tell her you made a big mistake. But that does not put you back together as a family. You are dreaming , your family was destoryed by your actions and you paid a high price. Take what you can get and be glad that they will even talk with you.
2007-03-20 06:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you, because you missed out on the best years of your little girls life for a lay?! Dude, I don't even think you deserve to be part of her life.
But I don't know the story, so I won't judge. Here is what you need to do. Get hold of your daughter. You would probably be able to look for her on 'MySpace' seeing as most girls her age have a 'Myspace' page. You could look her up at a university or even in the phonebook.
If you are really serious, try seeking advice from a fmily lawyer, as she is still your biological child and you do have rights as a parent.
After you have traced her, don't expect much. My father was a cheat and an abusive dog, and even though he didn't walk out and abonden me (although sometimes I wish he had) I still don't want anything to do with him.
You need to realise she is not a child anymore, she is going to want to make her own choices regarding you. Something she might already have made her mind up about (she would have asked her mother to make contact with you if she wanted to see you). Perhaps explain to her that you made a mistake, that you accept the consequences of that mistake, but that you love her whatever her decision is.
Also, you need to remeber that you have made a decision. Don't blame your current wife for your mistakes, because it was your decision to sleep with her and to marry her. It was your decision not to stand up for her. Also remember that you have twins with this other woman too now, and you need to take responsibility for them, before you make the same mistake twice.
I hope this helps. More for your daughters sake than yours, I'll be honest.
2007-03-20 06:05:15 · answer #3 · answered by Minimoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I don't have to say "shame on you", because you know you did wrong. However, it's worth trying to make amends, but don't be surprised if your daughter is very resentful toward you. She may have nothing to do with you ever again and you have no choice but to accept it. She didn't ask for the hand she was dealt, but I'm sure she has played it accordingly. My father left my mother for another woman at the age of 2, then at the age of 17 decided to be a dad. I tried to be friendly, but I have to say it didn't work. Anyway I'm now 30 with a family of my own and my dad has since passed, however when I heard about it, I was not upset, it was no different to me than reading about a stranger in the local obituaries. You made your bed now you must lay in it. I wish you all the best and I pray things for you will be positive.
2007-03-20 05:43:48 · answer #4 · answered by c_gater77 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's part of the 12 steps, dude. Making amends to the ones you've "wronged". It's a good thing. Be prepared, though, for them to be angry. You betrayed them both. You have to take that too. Karma is brutal sometimes. Let them know what the situation has been. Let your daughter know how sorry you are....for not being there all this time. Let her mother know that you do realize you were a sorry piece of crap for what you did. Nothing can take away the pain or suffering they went through, but you will have closed a chapter, and at least tried to make sincere apologies. That's all you can do.
2007-03-20 05:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in for a hard ride. You can try to contact her but I wouldn't expect her to like you very much. If I were you I would start with the ex and find out how the daughter feels, she'll be able to clue you in as to whether she is resentful or has forgiven you for being an scumbag. Good Luck, you are seriously going to need it.
PS. You should try to find a backbone somewhere along the way too.
2007-03-20 05:38:10 · answer #6 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You screwed up BIG
What you want is probably not what they want SO don't expect much in return except anger and animosity. However if you feel the need to contact your daughter, give it a try, its better than not trying at all. As far as your ex is concerned, I'd let that sleeping dog lie. Will only cause trouble with you trying to establish a relationship with your daughter.
2007-03-20 05:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by EGOman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go for it...just find their number and call her up...she is probably dating someone serious or in college. Right now would be a wonderful time to talk to a 21 year old daughter...They are growing up and can see two sides of a story.
2007-03-20 05:59:18 · answer #8 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know a few people who are actually in a very similar situation. My uncle was married to someon and had a kid with her but the guy cheated and his wife forgave him. but the second time his wife found out and she left him and too kthe kid. Now he's married to this woman who is soooo controlling that he cant even talk when shes around. and shes so jealous that everytime he goes out, his wife makes him call her and let her talk to everyone hes with. He also has 2 kids with her. she really got him stuck. and he cant even talk to his exswfe whom i think he still loves.
so i think that u should really talk to ur ex and try to make amends with ur daughter because its not fair for her. and it might be ruff at frst but i really think u should get to know ur daughter. dont give up to easily.
2007-03-20 05:40:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you know that you were a shithead. Wow. It took you 10 years to grow up? Very sad. Leave them alone. Or at least contact the ex wife and let her decide. Maybe your 21 yr. old daughter thinks badly of you. Wow. Where was your backbone or your manhood in all this?!!!!
2007-03-20 06:06:52 · answer #10 · answered by noitall 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Then you really didn't leave due to your jealous wife did you? You left becasue you had an affair and got another woman pregnant. You left your daughter because of your jealous girlfriend who later became your wife.
My advice is to own up to your mistakes and call your daughter, forget about making amends with the ex, that ship sailed years ago.
2007-03-20 05:38:28 · answer #11 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋