I have been married for 9 years. We have a 4 year old and a six year old. After the 6 year old, sex diminished after the 4 year old, we have only had sex twice. She expects me to rub her foot or rub her back, but doesn't want to do anything for me. I even had a vasectomy to help things. She says she loves me, but I sometimes think she just says that. What should I do?
2007-03-20 05:30:59 · 14 answers · asked by J Rock 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wonder if there's more to this than your saying? My husband ALWAY'S want's ME to take care of his need's, mine are'nt valid,I guess, but tired of getting the short end here!!No pun intended! Maybe, you could talk to her & LISTEN which many men seem to not do w/ there wive's,Try maybe, rubbing her back( get her in the mood)? See what happen's?? I don't know if this really helped much, But maybe try being a giver & see if she respond's back,-if not, Maybe, look into counseling??
2007-03-20 07:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by mgle3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you can stay in the marriage and not have a sexual relationship. Marriage is not all about sex. However, the diminishing of intimate relations after the 6 yr olds birth and almost non-existence after the 4 yr. olds birth could be hormonal issues, or some other physical cause. You don't mention anything about her being out there looking by any means, just a severe lack of interest. This sounds like a diminished sex drive. She apparently still wants intimacy on some level as she is (or you are) staying close on other levels. One thing to consider. Does your wife have any health issues that could be affecting her drive. IE Diabetics often lose their sex drive completely. Is she doing any other things for you, like rubbing your back, your feet, holding you and making you feel special in other ways? There are things similar to Viagra for men that are developed for women now. I would suggest that you and she consult your physician to eliminate physical causes first, and if that does not work perhaps counseling and some open and honest communication with her may be in order. Your needs, and hers, both need to be met.
2007-03-20 07:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wholly crap and I thought my sex life was bad. I do believe you need to consider some marital counselling your wife appears to be going through something or she is disconnected herself from the marriage in any regard your marriage needs some professional intervention. When is the last time you guys had some us time like just you and her going away for a couple of days or a night on the town. One of the things married people do especially when kids are involved forget to think about themselves they spend so much of the time on the kids and bills and work and the whole dynamic of husband and wife gets lost in the mix. I tell
you now get away on a holiday give the kids to the grandparents or something if you can and spoil yourselves before the marriage just dissolves.
God Bless and Good Luck!
2007-03-20 05:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you sure can if you choose to. Love is a choice and staying married is a choice and sex does not really have to be a part of it if you both agree to it. There is much more to marriage then just sex. I think she loves you and is happy with you. Love her where she is at and do other fun things together and have fun. Good luck to the both of you and if you feel that you need help then seek counseling and even marriage counseling if need be to help with things.
2007-03-20 06:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When sex disappears completely it's a sign of deeper issues. Sex allows for the most intimate of situations that you can have with someone else (duh!). But losing this intimacy means that something has become disconnected. Someone does not want to be that intimate anymore. I suggest getting with a very good marriage therapist to help you two discover what that something is.
You can't just go and and blurt out, "She won't have sex with me anymore!" but you do want to address the issue. Maybe a better approach would be. I don't think we are connecting on an intimate level anymore, and the nearly no sex in four years will be the evidence you offer for your statement. Your attitude can't be one of, she's not having sex with me, fix her. It has to be, we are having intimacy issues, please fix us.
Good luck, I can't imagine how dry your marriage must have become. See a therapist together before it becomes any worse.
2007-03-20 06:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every relationship needs intimacy. and if you love each other, being intimate is not seen as a favor. People are going to change, bodies, mentally what have you...you have to overcome and adapt. You need to share your feelings with each other and you need to be intimate, if you read any of the questions here, you'll see that a lot of people go through this same problem. A lot of them are thinking of divorce because there is no intimacy! Making love is not a duty, it's a need that needs to be fulfilled. There is something wrong if that need cannot be met, and you need to communicate on why it isn't.
2007-03-20 06:04:23 · answer #6 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you're a male and males certainly have their sexual needs(no offense, but overall this is true). I think that the longer you go w/o your spouse giving you sex, the more likely you will be to find it elsewhere. I'm not saying that you will cheat, but the possiblity is there. Have you talked to her about what you need? I think that it is only fair that she compromises with you, especially since you are doing special favors for her. Communication is definently the key here. I hope something works for ya.
2007-03-20 05:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by Abby's momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG you have to ask? Maybe you should invite a friend over and tell the warren opps I mean wife that your friend is here to service you maybe she will get it then! If you call this a marriage or signing up for being a monk? either way your the fool that allows this to happen twice in four years??? what are you bucking for sainthood. Gee, let me guess you watch porn too and she on this site complaining about it...Thanks for the 2 points
2007-03-20 06:09:48 · answer #8 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to your wife about this? Asked her outright about why she is not interested in having sex with you? You need to talk to her to see what her feelings are. You also need to let her know how important this is to you.
Some people can stay married without having sex. It's a personal decision made by both people.
2007-03-20 05:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can, but it's not a healthy marriage. You and she need to talk openly and honestly about what's happening with each of you and with each other. Also consider getting away from the children and have a night alone together. If neither of these suggestions help, and you truly love each other and want to stay married, please consider getting counseling.
2007-03-24 04:58:30 · answer #10 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋