This is the first grandchild on either side, and our parents are driving me nuts! Apparently my mom decided 8 months ago that she was going to be at the birth - too bad she never asked me! I told her this weekend when she came to visit that we don't want anyone at the hospital until after the baby is born. My dad called this morning to say that she has been crying ever since. I'm sure this conversation is going to go about the same way with my in-laws. I feel HORRIBLE, but I am so tired of being guilted into doing things the way everyone else wants. Our wedding went the same way - we wanted to elope, they wanted to be there - guess who got what they wanted?
Has anyone else's parents gone completely nuts like this? How do you deal with it? I'm about ready to just turn off all my phones and not talk to anyone for the next 6 weeks unil after the baby is here....
2007-03-20 05:18:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
The whole thing is complicated by the fact that we live about 400 miles from our family. It's not like they can stop by the hospital and then go home - once they're here, they're HERE. They'll all be staying in hotels, but they are still going to want as much time with the baby as possible if they are going to drive that far.
2007-03-20 05:58:13 · update #1
I sympathize with you COMPLETELY!!!! My mom is pretty laid back for the most part, but I know she wants to be in the room and my b/f and I do not want that. I think she has accepted it, but the guilt trips are still put into play.
We are having the first girl on either side btw, so everyone is going all crazy with princess stuff, that we both said we don't want. She is referred to as a diva and a princess and that may be fine for other people, but we don't like it.
His Mom is the real crazy one though. She won't leave us alone. She wants to be a part of every appt. u/s, the birth, along with painting the room, buying personal items and just constantly in my face. I know she means well, but I am kind of a private person in the sense I don't talk on the phone a lot and hate company. The topper was she wanted to come stay with us for a week and when we told her no, we will call if we need help, she cried and cried. She even called my Mom and cried to her. We just want our privacy, this is our first child.
So yes I completely understand. I try to remember that everyone is just excited, but I wonder why we have to please so many people when this is our first child. We should be able to enjoy this the way we want, everyone else already had their chance
2007-03-20 05:29:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from... However, a new baby is a big deal. My mom has been in the delivery room for all but one of her 7 natural grandkids. The only one she wasn't in the room for was my brother's baby. My sister in law didn't want anyone in the room, but we were all there waiting.
We have a tradition with new babies. My mom is the first person to touch them after the parents. (Not counting the dr.s and nurses, of course) She is very proud of that, and it even worked out with the one she wasn't in the room for. Now my sister is pregnant with number 8 and I am pregnant with number 9. I am now 1300 miles away, but I am sure my mom will be here and touch this baby first just like the rest.
If you don't want them in the room, at least let them be at the hospital. You will have your time in the room to greet your baby and then Daddy can take her out to meet the grandparents.
And trust me, this is your first baby. I am pregnant with my 3rd and it was nice to have my mom around every time. You may appreciate the support and care when it's all said and done.
2007-03-20 13:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sarena M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the first grandchild club. My son was the first on both sides as well.....unfortunately (not to scare you) but after the baby comes it's no easier....they always think they know better than you....
I had the same thing with my family. What I did was asked, who wanted a phone call when I went into labor. We called those that wanted to know and we let people in the room while we were in early labor...when it was time to push, we had them leave. It was only my sister and my mom.. .(mom lives 1 1/2 hours away, so she actually didn't get there till I was pushing, so she had to stay in the waiting room.
We told everyone ahead of time, if they came to the hospital while I was in labor, it was thier choice, but no one would be in the room (except my husband) during heavy labor and delivery. We also just said, after the baby was born they could see the baby, but then we wanted time to sleep and family time before constant company and they'd have to leave for a while after the baby was born.
That's how we did it....tried to compromise, while also keeping with our own time....
2007-03-20 12:53:05 · answer #3 · answered by kittynala 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother insisted on the same thing, and I absolutely refused. I didn't want anyone but my husband there, either. She was a little upset at first, but when she came the next day, and say him, it was love at first sight, and the whole thing was behind us. You need to have this your way. Your parents and in laws sound like mine! My wedding was the same way, and I let everyone else be happy. You and your husband have decided how it will be, and you need to let everyone know, and be satisfied with your decision. I know you have it in you to do this your way this time. Good luck!!
2007-03-20 12:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by Stephene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont' agree with the first person..."can't you compromise" is her first sentence...YOU JUST SAID NO....You don't want to compromise, cause that's what you did on your wedding and you're sick of it. Do what you want. it's your baby, your body. So what if she's upset. She'll get over it. You don't want anyone there, point blank. Do what makes you feel comfortable otherwise you'll be resentful of her for a long time. So, tell her she can come over as soon as the baby is born and maybe with the next baby she can come in. But, for now, you are uncomfortable.
2007-03-20 12:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its nice to let the grand parents be a part of every thing when there's a birth, but really I think, that moment should be for you and your husband, you know in the delivery room and so forth. Then , everyone else can enjoy. good luck
2007-03-20 12:28:13 · answer #6 · answered by linda r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
being a new grandma myself, I kinda know what your mom would like. but you must set both parents down and explain to them that you and your husband wish to have this private time and have the chance to have the first moments of family bonding alone and that you will be delighted to share that new grandbaby with them after you are have those precious moments together. And grandma from one each moment is like the first you see something new each time ( we now have time in our lives to enjoy and take in every little thing they do.
2007-03-20 12:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by lucy3909 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a grown woman, she'll get over it. It is your right to choose who is in the room with you. Personally I prefer just my husband and I, as this is OUR special time, not theirs. You are the one giving birth, it is not hers to decide. She has no right to try emotional blackmail to get her way (which is what she's doing). Stand up to her now or she will ALWAYS push you into what she wants.
2007-03-20 12:29:43 · answer #8 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We also had this issue with our parents but at the end of the day whether they are your parents or not stuff them, this is your special time and it is up to you what you do - if your mum loves you she would understand even if she is upset
2007-03-20 12:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by soloxine_rabbit 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whats the big deal of having your mother in there with you? Its your mother..its her first grandchild.
I gave birth to my daugher in September, and I had my mother in the room with me. It was her second grandchild, but first grandchild from me, her daughter, and it meant a lot to me having her there. My husband did not feel any different, it was just as special to both of us having our first child, and having my mother there didn't make it feel any different. My Step dad was in the waiting room with my friend waiting, and that meant so much to me. Don't be selfish, yes this is your child but imagine how you will feel when your daughter is about to have her first child, your first grandchild. Im sure you will want to be a part of it. Even if you don't have them in the room, at least let them wait in the waiting room. Some people can be so selfish.
2007-03-20 12:35:13 · answer #10 · answered by Proud Mother 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋