I don't want to divorce...help me?

Question

We got married and right away we got a new house, new cars, up-graded our basement, built a deck, not to mention we both had changes in careers ( I was working three jobs at once to help keep the lifestyle my wife wanted )AND WE HAD A BABY BOY as my wife wanted as well.

We did all this in 2 years and 11 months of our marriage.

I feel we did alot - we accomplished what some couples in 7 - 10 years can't do.

Well, during all this, our stress level was obviously up high. Often disagreeing on decisions. Our focus on each other drifted apart and she felt out of love and sought out divorce.

I feel betrayed. I worked hard for the family often giving in to her material wants and now she wants to divorce me w/o seeking even one marriage counseling b/c she feels that she has fallen out of love.

We have been in separation for 10 months, help me to reconnect with her and make her feel that we can revive love we had shared before.

Answer 1

I would agree that you have accomplished - monetarily, anyway - what some couples take 7-10 years to do. They say that the first few years of marriage (1st through 7th, really) are the most difficult. I find it interesting that your wife wanted you to keep up with a lifestyle she wanted, that it seems the marriage is more focused on maybe appearances or on money.

I guess one thing I'd ask you (which you don't have to answer here - just answer it for yourself) is why you went into this marriage. Now that isn't a condemning, "what were you thinking??!" but maybe it would help you both if you remembered the reasons for which you entered into this marriage in the first place. Was it for comfort? Was it for children? Was it because you felt like the other person could complete you? What were your wife's reasons for going into the marriage?

What were the things that kept you both together before the marriage - or even the first two years of your marriage?

I could give advice as to how to rekindle romance and the like, but ultimately, my belief is that only God can really make a marriage work, after all, it was His idea. Okay I don't really mind if you tune me out right now, but that IS what I believe will help.

So umm you can try other things like trying to do more romantic things for your wife, etc. but if you run out of options, I hope you'd even at least consider just asking God for help. I mean, yeah, just asking - no need for big flowery words or anything. I promise He won't smite you. Haha. That is such a wrong perception. I mean, it won't hurt to just try.

Anyway, I'm hoping you won't mind but I'd like to pray for you. =)

God, hello. I'd like to lift up er.. Kicker and his wife and well, their marriage, to You. Lord, You know so much more than I do the struggles they've gone through. Would You please revive their marriage? Lord, I pray Your blessing and Your love upon their marriage. Thank You, Lord, that You desire to see them both happy, and that You can give them more than enough grace they need to truly love each other and their son. Thank You, Lord, that You are good and that You desire good things for all who ask with humble, open hearts.

In Your name, we pray, amen =)

I really do hope that your marriage is saved. You and your family are in my prayers. =)

Answer 2

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if she's done, she's done. You cannot "make" her want to reconnect with you. Letting go is the hardest thing to do when you really love someone. If she has been gone 10 months, I doubt she's coming back. Yes, you may have given her you're all, but quite frankly, for some people that's just not enough, and/or doesn't mean CRAP. You know what the best thing to do is? To move on. Find a woman that would REALLY appreciate what you have to offer, and trust me, there are a LOT of women out there that would give ANYTHING to find a man that would give her all of these things. Stop waiting and wasting time, wishing for something that's probably not going to happen, and focus on what you can have. Of course, you feel betrayed. But that's the lesson of life and love. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you get screwed. Or to quote a more famous book....."it rains on the just and the unjust". Hang in there...with time, you can get over her....and learn to love again.

Answer 3

ou put all your focus on material things, on the "idea" of the american dream, working your butt off to make it possible..

but at the expense of what????

Your family, your hapiness, you child.

You negleted yoru family's emotional needs by working 3 jobs, Spouses, children, families need quality time together, and you guys didn't do that.

You emotionially and phisically abandoned your wife and child. You made it a rat race to compete to have it all and forgot what is most important: LOVE, COMPANIONSHIP, FAMILY.

She obvioulsy learned to live without yoru love and affection. There is nothing you can do to get that back. YOu may argue in divorce court that you would like to give marriage counselling a chance, and you may get a court ordered chance to do so, but otherwisem if she doens;t want to then you are SOL.

Good luck

Answer 4

I wish i could help, but i definately feel your pain. My husband has recently decided out of the blue that he too has fallen out of love with me. He hasn't expressed a want for a divorce like your wife has yet. But it's really devistating to be in love with someone that might not love you back. I would love to go to counselling, and at least try. I don't understand how you just fall out of love and at least not try to fix your family. I'm really sorry that you are going thru this and hope your wife comes to her senses, or at least that you get some closure and can find some peace to move on. Good luck!

Answer 5

It appears to me she had a plan all along. 2 years and 11 months is hardly time to earn a divorce;however, 2 years and 11 months is time enough to get a house, new cars, a kid and whatever else she had her sights on as it was not you.

You mention most couples can not accomplish what you have in 7-10 years, what have you accomplished? Those couples you compare yourself to are still together...so, who has rellay accomplished something worthwhile?

If your working 3 jobs, what is she doing? You have been had...

Answer 6

Sorry but you can't make someone love you if they don't and if a woman tells you she don't love you anymore you best believe her and move on for now. Don't keep torturing your self you have a little boy who is going to need a lot of love so focus on him and yourself for now.Spend time with family and friends doing the things you enjoyed doing before you were married or find a new hobby and keep your head up things will get better with time.

Answer 7

I've been there,and the one thing I can tell you is when it's over. It's over, she has decided to call it quits, you have to let her go. Give her her freedom but do not ever neglect your responsibilities to your child. Remember it's about love & family. I wish you good luck! You both need to put GOD in your marriage,and it will work out.
Whatever happens life must go on. Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 8

Let me guess...she has the house and all the contents save for your clothes and shaving gear? The better of the new cars is on her side of the balance sheet and you are also monetarily, at least partially, supporting her and completely fulfilling your responsibility for your child?

Silly man, she used you as a stepping stone to the next man she uses as a stepping stone to greater "earned" wealth for her. You stopped responding to her want, want, want and she dumped you and is looking for someone to take your place until he catches on and grows tired of her demands.

Answer 9

Counseling is usually a waste of time..
Not much you can do about it..
She can divorce you whether you agree or not...

Answer 10

you are right....you accomplished what some couples take 7 - 10 years to do; INCLUDING destroying your marriage so you could have things........