Husband talks to his ex about me. This makes me uncomfortable. Advice?

Question

At first I just assumed that whenever he talked to her he would talk about their two kids that live with us. He recently went on a business trip and he called her to let her know that I was taking care of the kids. Somehow the conversation went to how I feel about her, which I feel is none of her business and that my husband should respect me enough to keep that just between us, but he told her and now she is upset. My husband finds nothing wrong with talking to her about how I feel about things and I think she should ask me if she wants to know and I think my husband stepped over some unpoken boundaries. I don't think they should talk about me in their conversations, that they should only talk about what concerns their kids. I am not opposed to them talking about how I raise her kids, that is fine, but I am upset that they talk about other aspects of my husband's life that include me.

Answer 1

Definitely talk to him about this - there's no reason to bring you up in their conversations about their kids, not to mention how you feel about her. Your husband should want to keep your marriage separate from his relationship with this ex, and I agree with you when you say he crossed some lines. I'd talk to him and get it off your chest, there's no use in you carrying this around all on your own! Best of luck!

Answer 2

You are absolutely correct. You need to tell your husband that your business between the two of you, is just that, YOUR BUSINESS. The only conversations that concern your husband and his ex-wife, are those that pertain to the children. What you say in confidence to your husband should definitely be respected by him and let him know he did cross the line. You should also clear the air with your husbands ex-wife. Put your cards on the table, and let her know you would be happy to discuss any pertinent issues, that regard the children. Tell your husband that further shared information about your views towards his ex, are not open for discussion. It is difficult enough to raise step-children, without adding more unnecessary, avoidable situations.

Answer 3

I agree. They should only be talking about the kids and anything concering the kids nothing else....She needs to move on and he needs to realize that it hurts and bothers you that they talk. So what if she is upset about how you feel about her. I m sure she has told him how she feels about you and he probably hasn't told you. But he needs to realize that the conversation should only be about the kids and that is it, good bye, hand up the phone when it start's to go in a different direction. Or if she wants to know something tell her to call you. Hello there not married anymore he is NOW married to you, any concerns, they should be taken with you.

Answer 4

Did she leave him or he leave her. If she left him then he might still have feelings for her.

If he left her then it makes no sense that he does not consider your feelings. How is your relationship in general? If it is a good one then I would go out to dinner with him where you can't be disturbed by the kids, tell him how you feel calmly. Explain to him how much it hurts you. If that does not help then you really have a problem. Suggest that you go to ask someone whom you both respect, and get their opinion. Your husband is prejudiced, and cannot see the situation for what it really is. For sure the intermediary will see it your way and explain it to your husband.

Answer 5

I would talk to your husband about this. Yes, there is bounderies in a marriage. When you say something that shouldnt be repeated or a secret, it is just that.

I am glad that they have a good enough relationship for the children. BUT...it sounds to me that a line might get crossed someday. They are divorced and they should remain out of each others personal life. In other words you marriage, what you two do together, what you say to each other should be off limits. Hopefully he is smart enough to keep the it platonic between them...

Answer 6

I totally agree with your feelings. Your hubby should talk about the children or himself, but not you. It is none of the ex wife's business. You need to talk to you husband after your anger has cooled and explain to him your feelings. He should be able to understand and respect your feelings; even if he doesn't agree (men can be so stupid sometimes!). Good luck with everything. Don't keep this inside, it will eat you up. Talk to him, but choose your time wisely. You both want to be in a good mood and undisturbed for this conversation.

Answer 7

That is absolutely wrong! It is a betrayal of trust and respect. Your husband stepped over several boundaries. He should keep conversation with his ex about the kids and how they are doing. You stand up for yourself!

My husband used to talk to his ex about me and he used to talk to my ex about me. It was a complete sabotage of our relationship!

Answer 8

If they are still friends, then you should expect him to discuss his feelings and his life with his friends. however, your problem with him isnt going to be solved by asking US anything. Go sit him down and talk with him, let him know how you feel. Communication is the key to any succesful relationship.

You should trust your husband and not worry that he speaks to his Ex. just because they talk, doesnt mean there is anything there. Forget what people call "Boudaries". the only boundaries are that fact he is married to you and there can be no intamcy or physical relationship, or flirting. There is nothing to say he cant maintain a healthy friendship with his Ex, and you shouldnt try to tell him he cant. If you feel he is doing something with her he shouldnt, talk to him.

Answer 9

I once went through something similar when my husband and I were having problems and he called his daughter's mom one night and started talking about it, beleive me I let him know every line that he crossed and how if he plans to keep our marriage that it will never happen again and that the only conversations that should be going on are about their child. You have every right to be angry and you are right, if she wants to know something about you then she should ask YOU and not him....

Answer 10

OMG, im gong through the same thing also with my boyfriend!!! He always tells his ex about me, and that I dont like her, now she is upset! I told him thats between us, and to not be telling her our problems because she is not apart of this relationship. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable, or better yet talk to the ex in a nice tone and tell her how you feel about her calling and recieving info that doesnt even belong to her!!!!!