I wrote your name in the sand,
But the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name on my hand,
But the shower washed it away.
I wrote your name on a paper,
But accidentally threw it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
And forever it will stay.
[[ it was written 100% by me and NO ONE BETTER TAKE IT!!]]
TRADEMARK TRADEMARK TRADEMARK!!!!!
copyright copyright copyright (c) (c) (c)
2007-03-20 03:43:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It is pretty good.
However instead of "shower" you can use some other word, like "rain" maybe. "Shower" seems to conjure up images of the bathroom and that is not romantic, to say the least.
Also as Ralph mentions, the word "accidentally" seems a trifle forced.
Overall, it is quite nice.
2007-03-20 04:06:09 · answer #1 · answered by arb_princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be harsh, but:
1) the language and sentiments are rather trite and familiar
2) writing trademark and copyright several times does not mean that the poem is in fact, trademarked and copyrighted
Sorry.
2007-03-20 10:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica Rabbit 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a little trite and sentimental, but nice. Also you can't say "TRADEMARK TRADEMARK TRADEMARK COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT" and magically make it your own. There are legal processes involved in making that happen.
2007-03-20 10:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by charlie h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each couplet introduces new imagery, and that makes the piece enjoyable.
Nice job…I wouldn’t dream of stealing someone else’s work. I wouldn’t want to trivialize it by suggesting that it be put on a greeting card, but I can picture the layout already in my head.
2007-03-20 11:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by Maddog Salamander 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"take it" doesn't seem to rtyme with "trademark"!?
Kidding , kidding - I think it is very good! The only word I stumbled on slightly was "accidentally".
2007-03-20 10:51:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ralph 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really really good !!!!!!!!!
my dad wrote one a little like that 25 years ago
something like
"I wrote your name in the sand, and that's fame"
the real poem is way better, gonna have to look it up
he wrote some good ones, made 100 copies and gave them to his best friends
2007-03-20 10:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
beautiful, straight from the heart. Who ever this is for they Will be in your heart forever. You got something special, keep on writing
2007-03-21 15:42:01 · answer #7 · answered by rovelose1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those last two lines seem familiar.
I guess it's cute to give to someone.
2007-03-20 10:47:22 · answer #8 · answered by frozenpancake582 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's ok.. but the shower word can be changed with rain or something.. don't you think ?
2007-03-20 11:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by nobody100 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not an original, but rip offs of several other poems.
2007-03-20 10:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by franklinsmoke 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋