Have I been played? What do I mean to her?

Question

Iv been having an affair with a 31yr old woman for 8 months now, Im 34. She,d only been married 3 months when we met, although she,s been with this guy for 5 !/2 yrs & they have a 3 !/2 yr old son together who she adores. The spark & connection between us is something Iv never known the likes of before, she says she feels the same & we cant get enough of each other & i love her very much! We,ve split a few times because we know its wrong but always end up back in each others arms. She claims her husband has hardly touched her since she fell pregnant with her son & dispite giving him many chances to improve this nothing has! We have now split with her saying that in an ideal world she wants to be with me, but feels she has to give her husband one last chance even though she knows I might meet someone else & that it would kill her to see me with another girl. She still texts me all the time. If its true surely there marriage is doomed & its just a matter of time, or am I kidding myself?

Answer 1

surely that's one big problem you have there. What I can say is that let her give her husband the chance then if still the same result then go for it but just be sure that you'll also love the child just as you've loved the girl.That's also one thing you have to put into consieration.Will you be able to love the child once she decided to be with you. If you are really sure with what you feel right now then just wait for the right time for her to be free, that way, there's no one be blamed.Always remember to love her the way you're loving her now no matter how many years would past.

Answer 2

I think this is something you need to think about. If things are as you say they are then maybe she will reach the point of telling her husband that she wants a divorce. If you really love her as you say and you know it is wrong to be with her because she is a married woman then I think even though you don't want to let her go you should. You should just to give her time to make up her mind as to whether she really wants to renew her relationship with her husband or divorce him. I think the worse thing you can do is to push her into doing something she may not want to do. Of course, there is another possibility which could be that she is using you as a sexual affair with no intent whatsoever to marry you in the future and she may be telling you something about her husband that may or may not be true. Only you know whether she is telling the truth or not and you know the situation better than anyone. Think about it.

Answer 3

No, I dont think youre kidding yourself......shes right, in an ideal world lots of things would be different, but she is not free to make that choice....she has responsibilities and she did marry her husband. While she may not have the feelings for her husband, she still has a responsibility to try and work it out for the child's sake. You felt that connection...you felt the love....you werent played.....she felt it too. One day you might be together, but at the moment she owes it to her marriage to try one more time.

If it is over, then she really needs to stop contact with you totally....she should be allowing you the time to grieve for your lost love. She needs to respect the fact that she is not free and you are. If she is serious about not wanting you to be with another woman, then she needs to leave her marriage. She cant have you waiting in the wings just in case her marriage doesnt work....its not fair to you. She is trying to make it work with her husband, while you are being miserable. It probably is only a matter of time before the marriage is over....but maybe it is going to take another 5 or 10 years.......are you prepared to wait that long?

Maybe you have to tell her, as painful as it will be, that you cant wait around for her to make up her mind, and while you love her, you have to move on. You cant hold a torch for her forever because with time it will grind you down and you will end up a lonely sad shell of a man.

This is your life too, you only get one shot at it....you can wait around for something that may or may not happen....or you can be strong, grieve for her, then pick yourself up and start again. Love yourself enough to want more out of your life....take care.

Answer 4

You won't really know until you cut off all contact with her. If she's just playing you and her husband, she's getting away with it because you keep taking her back. Tell her it's too hard for you, and you will only start seeing her again once she files for divorce.

She deserves a chance to work this out with her husband. So does her husband. She can't do that while you're in the picture distracting her. And it's not good for you, either. Let her be. Let her figure out what she wants out of her relationship with her husband and once she's decided, you'll know where you stand. It'll be difficult, but if you keep accepting her back, she's going to think, "well, he's so accepting of it, why should I bother breaking up with my husband?"

Good luck!

Answer 5

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Answer 6

How many chances does she consider the last chance? If he keeps postponing things, she really is confused as to what to do. My advice is to say "I'm frustrated with your on again off again attitude. Do what you need to do: counseling, discussion with your husband, confiding in your best friend, etc. when you reach your true final decision, let me know. And it really has to be the last one. If you truly care about me, you will understand that the way things are now is not healthy for our relationship and for my mental well-being as a person."

Answer 7

Don't really know about that one. Honestly, I would wait and see what happens. If she keeps coming back to you she obviously isn't happy with her husband. I would wait and put other girls down for a second. Wait like...a month? And see if anything happens, if she doesn't show any signs of wanting a divorce from her husband, go find someone new.

Answer 8

Its a matter of time and your fooling yourself.
You met at vulnerable times and don't accurately represent who each are and should keep your distance. You not a Knight on a white horse rescuing some damsel in distress. If she does divorce, the person you new might not be the same person after their divorce....

Answer 9

Kinda sounds like she was just looking for things she wasn't getting at home. She is married and has a child. She could lose a lot by being with you, besides if she cheated on her husband what will stop her from cheating on you if you two really got together and things weren't being got at home!

Answer 10

Yes in this case you are kidding yourself... Let her go and move on with your life... If she had been serious she would have divorced her husband by now and would only be with you ... She is a player and is playing with both of your emotions and feelings and this is just not right. you need to move on with your life and find someone else who is available and NOT married in the first place to get to know and to be with. Tell her to work on her marriage with her husband and that you will work on moving on with your life. You will be better off for it trust me. She will only be heartache and pain to you and to your life. She is leading you on and playing with your heart so i do not thin k you mean that much to her at all... Obviously you mean less to her then what she means to you and she knows it that is why you are wrapped around her finger. You are her puppet and she is playing and controlling you and your emotions. Do not let her play you anymore.