But i know I still do love him. Do you think he is my "safe place"? does any one else feel like this?
2007-03-20 02:34:19 · 22 answers · asked by Brat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is probably your safety net.....We tend to stay in marriages that sometimes we are not happy in or completely in love any more but we stay because we get so comfortable that we don't know how anything else feels like....
I stood in my marriage because of all of the wrong reasons and kept making excuses until one day I woke up and realized I was the reason why we couldn't make it work...and the safety net was actually myself trying to hold on, not him.....
2007-03-20 03:30:16 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i wouldn't say that but one thing is that you did fall in love with him and it was something you loved about him or else i really don't think you two would be married well i hope not anyway.Sounds like you are as people say: just now cleaning the mirrors in your marriage meaning: you are seeing alot of things now that maybe at first you seen but they were just not clear or important at the time.you could well be with him for security and feel if you don't have him that your life just might not be the same, anyway you need to clean those mirrors and talk with your hubby cause really if you're not happy now which you may have been before, you need not be with him cause you are cheating him by being selfish and yourself cause everyone deserves to be happy you no.I'm not saying to go an divorce the man but get some counseling or talk one on one, maybe you can find what you once loved about him and maybe he needs you to inform him on some things and he can improve as well as you can too. I hope you will find this a little helpful. Good luck
2007-03-20 10:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he is not your safe place. Safe place is one of those damn oprahisms that has everyone over analyzing their lives and thinking about living instead of actually living. (end of soap box lol). As for your husband, love isn't some feeling like you see on tv....its been misrepresented so much that people dont even understand it anymore. Love is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. It is the decision to pick up one more time and keep giving to ea other for ea other. Lust is another matter. If you are looking for a hot romance and a steamy love life, chances are so is the man you married. Seriously, its the santa claus syndrome....we have to make our own xmas. The intimacy you will find from being honest with yourself and your hubby about how much you want to go out on a hot date....and then actually taking the risk to plan one...will build your marriage beyond your wildest dreams....have a blind date with your husband, seduce him, make reservations for the two of you...whatever it is you are longing for, plan it, set the stage and let him have the reigns......I'm not talking about ordering my own flowers and paying for them on my own credit card...I know women who do just that.... I'm talking about taking an adult approach to investing in your relationship....and taking the chance on asking your husband to reciprocate....after you have shown him its "safe" because you still love him and admire him. Men speak the language of respect....do the things you did when you were dating....admire, acknowledge, attend to and appreciate him...they need to hear that they are big and strong and wonderful as much as we need to be nurtured.... God Bless.....and keep at it...its worth every last drop of work...
2007-03-20 09:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep I do! But I love my husband for more than just a safe place. He pays the bills too. lol j/k . Im still verry much in love with my husband even though he can be a comlete a**whole at times. But were working on it. Do you think maybe its just something that he done to make you feel that way? Or is it that your relationship, and love gor him has just desolved over time? Maybe its something that can be fixed! I hope everything works out for the best weather you love him and want to be with him. Or move on and find someone else!
Best of luck!!!!!
2007-03-20 09:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to justify love with reasons. If someone makes you feel safe, that's not a bad thing.
I suggest you continue to do some soul searching. As you understand yourself, you will begin to understand your realtionship.
Think of it this way. I love my family unconditionally. I don't always like them. Sometimes I can't find any reason to continue a relationship with them except for the fact that they're my family. When I married my husband, he became my family. There are days that I don't like him, but I always love him.
Don't scare yourself into a crisis. Adult relationships are based on history, deep attachment, family and love. You might be at a transitionial phase that comes from personal growth. The outcome is up to you. You can make it go either way...
2007-03-20 09:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by MistyR 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This whole "love him but not *in* love with him" ridiculous-ness has got to stop.
Think for a minute. How in the HELL can you LOVE your spouse and not be IN LOVE with them? It's not possible. Stop trying to split the two, DAMMIT!
Do you want to know WHY such stupidity doesn't work? If it did he could claim the SAME THING and use it to justify an affair with another woman and you'd have no right to be upset. Oh, I see. When the shoe is on the other foot it hurts like hell.
You've seen too many LifeTime for Women movies that cater to this stupid suburban disease called 'wahhhh I'm bored because sparklers aren't shooting green and red fireworks out my husband's a*ss in my princess direction every second.'
You can't "come up with" a single reason to be in love. Wow. Aren't you the selfish, entitled, catered to one. Imagine how he feels about your sorry, conceited, self-centered a*ss.
2007-03-20 10:01:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 18 years--believe me there were times when I asked myself what am I doing. Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly--dig deep--if you can't find a reason then you really need to talk to him--he may be having the same non-feelings--life is too short be true to yourself.
2007-03-20 09:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by Laura D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I can give you a list as long as my arm on why I love my hubby. Sounds to me like you don't put any effort towards your marriage any more. Mix it up and put some spice back into it.
2007-03-20 09:45:36 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
probably is safe for you - but the big question is, does he make you happy & do you still respect him? you also don't say how long you have been married - marriage is a journey & is everchanging with highs & lows - the longer you are married theharder it is to sustain those feelings of young love, but it can change into intense love, but you gotta change together & work at it together.
2007-03-20 09:40:33 · answer #9 · answered by born_free_again 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I did, My second husband who "saved" me from my abusive 1st husband was my best friend. After many yrs(16) & the death of my girlfriends mother I saw I was not immortal & selfishly chose "MORE". I finally found him 3 yrs later, spent 5 yrs with him & now happily married like never before.
2007-03-20 09:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋