the other day she told me that she had a fling w/ a married man. and its bothering me for some reason. this took place b4 we were even together but it still bothers me for some reason. and help/advice on this. i havent said anything to her about it bothering me.
2007-03-20 02:30:08 · 19 answers · asked by defensor-fortis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to talk to your fiance about this. The feelings you are having are normal and you should discuss your concerns with her. Otherwise, you will keep this in the back of your mind and that's no way to start off a marriage. Please sit down and talk to your fiance. Thank you and GOD bless.
2007-03-20 02:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the way you're going to treat problems in your marriage then sorry to say your marriage isn't going to last very long. If its one thing a marriage needs to help sustain itself it's communication. Talk to her about it but don't dwell on it after all if was BEFORE you were even together. But I can totally understand why it bothers you so much. Its not so much that she had a fling, its that she had it with a married man. And you're having a problem with this because it makes it look like she doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage. That may have been true when she was having her fling but she may have grown up since then. Trust in her and trust in your relationship. Good luck.
2007-03-20 02:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this isn't a character strength, so that's why it bothers you. I'm not sure why she would say that at this point, but ok.
This could have been a point of weakness in her life, but still, it shows bad character. What you need to decide is if you think that this kind of behavior is in the past, or if it's latent and waiting for the right set of circumstances to resurface.
If you don't think that she's beyond that, you'd better hold off on getting married.
When she told you, did she sound like she was admitting it and was all guilty (like a puppy that had been caught looting the garbage), or was she brazen about it (like someone on Jerry Springer)? How she told you is about as important as what she told you.
I wish you luck.
2007-03-20 02:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by DA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fling is just a fling. And it happened before you two met. You cannot blame her for what she did before she met you. Get over it already. If you make a big deal out of this she will be really cautious of what she can tell you and what she cannot. Why would this bother you in first place? I just don't get you.
2007-03-20 02:41:11 · answer #4 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably bothering you, because it has caused you to question her morals. If she had no problem sleeping with a married man, and potentially playing a part in the destruction of a family, I would be concerned too. Is this the kind of woman you want to be the mother of your children?
2007-03-20 04:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It bothers you because you are going to marry someone you think has no respect for marriage. Maybe she did not know this guy was married prior. I would have the conversation now because whats the point of wondering and making yourself crazy.
2007-03-20 03:02:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that what happened before you came along is history and she has her perogative thus is best be left behind and do not even talk about it. What is more important now is for you to work on the relationship. What good is it even if she knows that you're bothered by her past?
2007-03-20 02:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by SGElite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Be happy she was comfortable and honest enough to tell you this. She could have kept it a secret.
2) If it is really bothering you, you should calmly have a discussion with her about it. This was in her past, remember, not her present... and most likely will not be in her future.
3) Don't hold it all inside. She was honest with you... you should be honest with her.
2007-03-20 02:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by dougandkate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It bothers you because usually only sh!tty people do this kind of stuff. Does she at least regret it, the only thing you can do is talk to her about it like everyone else said, but talking probably won't help much in htis situation, she will just try to defend herself.
2007-03-20 02:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're just trying to compare apples and oranges
you're the apple...no
you're the orange?
it really doesnt matter and she messed up telling of her past
it was a dumb thing to do, but it made you sorta jealous and think ..and maybe she thought it would make you a hotter lover to try to up your game?..make it hotter?
maybe ask her..hey? why did you tell me this? to make me _______[fill in the blank]..it can be funny
maybe she'll give you a honest answer, maybe not, at least you'll have some answer ?
I wouldn't worry about it too much
but truth?and bottom line?
it tells you she cheats! or reverse cheats...
2007-03-20 02:43:14 · answer #10 · answered by Gary G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋