Should I take my husband back?

Question

I have had a love marriage to my husband who is from Pakistan, I have 2 children from my previous marriage. My first husband just wanted stay in this UK. I was alone for 5 years until I met my second husband who is too from Pakistan. I went along to Pakistan with the children and married this man. Making family sacrifices along the way. This marriage was soley a love marriage and was based on our own decision as no member of my own family were in agrement with this marriage. I totally had trust in him and he had led me to believe that we will live our life together forever. To cut a long story short my husband got his visa for the UK and totally changed, Basically he was living a life a a single man. He has left me time and time again for the smallest of reasons basically because he needed an excuse for him to do what ever he wanted and leaving me do all the responsibities of the household. I am 6 months pregnant and my husband has now gone to Pakistan for a holiday bearing in mind that he has been away from home 5 months before. My husband has know from day 1 that I am pregnant. Please could you tell me if I should take my husband back into my home when he returns from his holiday to make a new start.

Answer 1

it does sound as if he is only after the passport. Maybe you'd be better off without him. you'll never know where you are with him.

Answer 2

I wonder, if you weren't pregnant, if you might be more decisive about this. From what you've said, it sounds like he wanted the passport but you are now having a child together which complicates the decision. It's a difficult thing but you could give him an ultimatum - write to him and tell him that unless he returns to you within xxx days, whatever time period, you will be advising the Home Office and the Tax Office (is he claiming any benefits?) of his conduct and asking them to investigate. He'll either return pretty quicklyl or else you will get a true indication of his feelings.
I'm sorry, but something tells me that you have been fleeced here, but at least you can threaten to make life difficult for him - after all, that's what he's doing to you.
Good luck with the baby.

Answer 3

I shouldn't be telling you this like this but I work for the home office, managed migration and in particular the department where the applications for visas are sent to be processed before being moved on to a caseworker for a decision so I know about this.

Believe me I see allot of this and you need to write a letter to managed migration explaining that you no longer want to be a sponsor to your husband and explain shy in as much detail as possible. If he has LTR (limited leave to remain) then he will not be allowed to apply after 4 years for ILR (indefinite leave to remain). If he already has ILR you need in still inform managed migration so an investigation to get underway.

I hate to be blunt with you but why, after one failed marriage already, would you ever consider taking this guy back. I know you're pregnant but is he really going to be a good father to your unborn child if he won't take his responsibilities as a husband seriously? It seems to me that you've been duped into another fake marriage. Why has he been in Pakistan for 5 months when he has a pregnant wife here in the UK?

Put you and your unborn baby first and have nothing more to do with this guy.

I hope things work out for you and if you need anymore information on processes etc just give me a shout.

Answer 4

as we don't no really what the guy is thinking, we can only assume what is going on.

in my opinion this guy was only after his visa and therefore i would not take him back

but he had better watch himself as if authoritys where to find out that he just used you for a visa and was not really with you anymore then they might take it back from him again. ( i know some1 this happened to/althoughnot sure of all the circumstances)

so you maybe need to tell him that if he does love you and wants to be a family with you and baby then hes needs to grow up and act like it as he may not have the choice and could be deported where he couldn't be near yous all the time.

but if you think he has usesd you then why would you even consider taking this using creep back. the fact that you ask should answer somethingf love
good luck with things and hope you get things sorted out before this miracle of life is born and yous are happy.
take care.

Answer 5

Oh Hon.
What a horrid position to be in. My advice would be to go with your gut instinct. Only you can make the decision.

On a personal level, I was married for 19years. He cheated after1year, I got as far as the decree nisci, then he begged for reconcilliation. The last 3 years of the marriage were hell. I suspected many affairs, but he always denied them. Eventually he left me and the 3 young children all under 7. i was terrified at first... BUT NOW AM SO MUCH HAPPIER!!!! NO-ONE LETS ME DOWN, NO ONE HURTS ME. It's hard to begin with, especially when the children are heart broken, but it definitely gets easier.

Have you tried sitting him down and telling him how unhappy you are?
Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

Answer 6

I would go it alone from now on hun, cos thats all you have been doing since day one really! Even though you are pregnant, be strong enough to just be you and your children, this isnt fair on them or you and the longer you keep putting up with this guy treating you like this the more hurt and sturck in a rut you will become! Take time out now to have your baby and spend time with your kids and keep a clear head on things. You owe it to yourself to do things for you, you will be able to do it, you have coped so far!! Good Luck xx

Answer 7

do you think he is likely to change and settle down when his baby arrives? If not, then I personally would not take him back. It sounds like he has messed you around, and you and your children will probably be better off without him.
If you keep accepting him back, he will just think that it is okay for him to fly here and there, do as he pleases with whom he pleases, yet his wife will still be waiting for him with open arms.
For the sake of your children and your respect and dignity, explain to him that you find his behaviour unacceptable and are not going to tolerate it. Give him a chance to put things right, but if he doesn't be strong and send him packing. Good luck to you, I hope ti works out.

Answer 8

Only you really know the answer to this one. Its sounds like this is not a marraige for life and love on his part - just depends if you are strong enough and will have enough support to make it on your own with the kids.
Life is too short to be in an unhappy realtionship darling. Give it one more try if you really want to but I think you know the answer already x

Answer 9

sounds like he isn't really in the marriage to help u out, or do what a normal husband does. he is selfish and immature, and knowing your pregnant, he should be with u helping u. i would confront him, and if he still doesn't want to be right with u, than u will have to decide if your better off with or without him.

Answer 10

i am very sorry to say but it looks like your husband only wanted a visa, and not that he has got what he needed he does not need you. you should leave him and try and piece back together your life, and enjoy the rest of your life without him.

Answer 11

to be honest i wouldnt take him back. it sounds like he has a plan up his sleeve. you dont know if he has had to return back to his country because of something involving his visa and hes just using you and the unborn baby to come back to the country.

i wouldnt waste my time with people like him, they are only after one thing- a visa!!

id go and bring up your baby as a single mum, you will have lots of support from other people. i'd also leave men from another country alone, or dont marry them as a visa is honestly the reason why they love us women.

if you are lonely or need other advice, please email me as id like to hear from you about your disission;

good luck x