Boyfriend Told me his secert?

Question

my boyfriend just recently told me that he likes to crossdress, i want to be supportive of him and you know expertence this with him, we are going to be married in the next year. i did tell him that i would help him find clothes and make up but im afraid i don't know how to handle this emotional. if any guys out there are sceret crossdressers or you have shared that you are with your spouse or partner. how did they deal with it?? thank you for your help

Answer 1

I just want to say this to you respectfully. Please give this a lot of thought before you get married. What will happen when you have children and what will you tell them if Daddy continues to cross dress when you have kids. There are a lot of things to think about that involve your future. Marriage is hard enough without adding in something like this. If you choose to be supportive, make sure you are doing it for yourself and not just to make him happy and keep him around. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. Just please think about these things.

Answer 2

Hi Sam,

I have a very dear friend who is a cross dresser. ( He is also happily married and VERY straight)

I had to be open minded, and was prepared to learn some sensible realities about cross dressing. I read everything available on the subject.

You must remind yourself that being a cross dresser will not change the Man You know and love, into someone different. After all the only real difference is that you know!

Continue to see the individual person concerned and allow yourself the gifts of an open heart and open mind!

I would like to suggest a book for you to read which really helped me a great deal. It is titled "Desirelines: An Unusual Family Memoir " Written by Peter Wherrett, & Richard Wherrett ( I have given a link where the book is available.)
Another terrific publication is Peggy J. Rudd's book MY HUSBAND WEARS MY CLOTHES.

I could write a book on the subject but it's almost midnight here in Australia and it's my bedtime. If you'd like any further information please feel free to email me.

Plkease be assured that being a crossdresser does NOT mean that your man is a gay. To those that responded, that think otherwise, you have much to learn. You are ignorant of the facts. Educate yourselves please.

Sam I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sharon

Answer 3

It can be harmless or it can be quite disturbing. The good is that the guy gets to feel feminine, learn and be open to feminine things. The bad is that if the guy doesn't control his crossdressing, then it can control him. It gives the crossdresser a feeling of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and self-identity. However, this can be very addictive. He will feel that he "needs" to crossdress. Then he will try harder and harder to get his "high". Just like an addict. As he trys harder and harder, then the bad stuff happens. You will feel more like his second love. When he is about 40 years he will have a crisis where he will consider having surgury to change his gender.

So, what to do? You can help him to crossdress with some degree of control. Make rules: Like, he can only wear his clothes, not yours. Not without permission.

Some other rules:
1. Crossdress only in private. Do not participate in crossdressing clubs/organizations. They will only encourage him to crossdress more and more - even encourage him to change his gender. Do not crossdress before children, relatives, or friends.
2. Do not dress up like a sexy whore. Crossdressing should be in good taste.
3. Help him out with his outfits, make-up and stuff, to look more feminine, and less like a monster.
4. Crossdress only once and while. It is not necessary to crossdress daily. Practice some self discipline here. Once or twice a week is plenty.
5. You should benefit from his crossdressing too. When crossdressed he should be doing some household chores; cleaning, washing, anything domestic that would be helpful for you.
6. Help him to practice some discipline. Explain that it can ruin a marriage, it can hurt people he loves. Its like sex, good in moderation, but you can't do it all the time.

Finally celebrate his manhood too. Tell him you enjoy his manly side too. Encourage is masculine side. Its part of the balancing act you will need to maintain.

Answer 4

It is not something that has ever appealed to me as a bloke. But I guess it is great that he feels he can share that with you and now he will be able to be honest with knowing you will support him. I guess you just need to ask him what it is about it that excites him and if there is a way you can do together and still be comfortable. Tell him what your boundries are and then try to work it into your private life. The key is not to feed it too much, or like a lot of fetishes, it could escalate and become a problem for either / both of you.

Answer 5

It might surprise you to know that estimates from surveys indicate that approximately 10% of the male population crossdress to some degree on a regular basis. For some it may only be one or two items of feminine clothing while for others it can include everything all the way up to wigs, nails, and full makeup. It is important to understand that just because a man wants to dress in the clothes and accoutrements usually associated with the feminine gender, in no way does it mean that he’s anything other than a heterosexual man. Although there are gay men who dress as women, they aren’t that common.

You are to be commended for doing your homework and researching the subject. It is one that is woefully misunderstood by members of our society, and this lack of seeking out accurate information is what leads to their own ignorance of such. Your fiancé is also to be commended for telling you about this NEED that he has prior to your forthcoming marriage. It’s far better to be totally open and honest about it than it would be for you to discover his secret a few years down the road.

Contrary to popular belief, you can actually have a lot of fun with this if you establish some boundaries and stick to them. It’s important that he doesn’t go overboard with it and as a result indulges himself in it so much that he ignores YOUR needs.

For some in depth and down to earth information that may answer many of your questions please feel free to visit the website listed below.

Answer 6

I have had a few friends that crossed dressed and one of them was my xboyfriend. I think if you are willing to support his transition. Most cross dresser are either gay/Bi or curious about thier sexuallity. You have to have an open mind and accept that if he is bi or bi curious he will also be curious about sexual relations with other people. I have seen it happen more than once. I really give him credit he told you. Now its up to you to ask yourself, How much do you really know about what the consiquences are living this lifestyle, Is it a lifestyle you are willing to be openminded about. A married man I know is a cross dresser and he and his wife meet other crossdressing men and invite them in to the privacy of thier home for sexual encounters. You have to be willing to share him with someone else. Jelousy May be an issue at one point. He might start meeting other men or cross dressers behind your back and have intimate encounters with them. You have to think about the safety of your health. I don't know if this helps but I been there and done it girl your not alone!! Best wishes

Answer 7

Well, he has put alot of trust in you for him to tell you this. Now it's up to you to come to terms with it somehow and just accept it as a part of who he is as a person.

The only way you can deal with it (the way I see it) is to think it through for awhile and ask yourself if this is something you can live with for the rest of your life.

The fact that you're trying hard to be supportive is an excellent sign....if your love for him is strong enough, then this will pass for you and will no longer be an issue.

Good luck and remember, he's still the person you fell for in the first place, right?

Answer 8

I had a boyfriend who cross dressed and I was okay with it, however we talked first. I needed to know the extent of his cross dressing, what he like about it, his feelings, etc.

Was it something he wanted to try with a man or just enjoyed it in general. For him, it was just in general and a little humiliating to him.

So we explored those avenues, being together dressed up, going shopping, etc.

Since you are getting married, you need to tell him to be completely honest and let you know what he wants or enjoys out of this so that you can both work together on this new "fetish".

Answer 9

most women would not except him they would leave. and not get married to him, they would ask if he was gay or bi sexual. so good for you for your decision, i don,t have any one that is one, i,m not a guy that dose that,but in wwe there,s a wrestler. that dose that,ask him if he,s going to dress that way only at home or out in public.but i haven,t know any one that would marry some one like that.you need to think what would you family think and say if the came to your house and surprised you, and saw him in womens close.personaly i think you still need to think about what will happen befor you get marryed.

Answer 10

nope but when i married my husband once tried on my false eyelashes as a joke but knew a woman who didn't know her husband was a cross dresser until she found a suitcase full of wigs dresses and makeup in her husband's closet she kinda freaked out majorly