my man doesnt understand about my mother?

Question

Hi, ok question.

I do not get on with my mother, we talk and are civil, but thats it. She left me, my dad, brother and sister on my 6th birthday to go live with another man. This other bloke is always nasty to me, im not the only one, my brother refuses to go round there.

My partner thinks i am being mean to her but i cant forgive what she did. When i was about 12 my brother and me found out that she had beenin cotnact and seeing my sister the whole time but never got in touch with us.

I just feel like, why shuold ? i know she gave birth to me but then she shirked her responsibilities and didnt want to know.
am i being unreasonable?

Answer 1

No you are not being unreasonable.

At the end of the day your boyfriend needs to understand and respect that it is your decision whether you speak to your mum or not.

Maybe in time you may be able to forgive your mum and build a better relationship. But that is up to you and you alone. And your boyfriend should support you whatever you decide.

Have you asked him how he would feel it he's mother had done the same to him?

Hope it all works out for you x

Answer 2

No, you are not being unreasonable. Have you explained all this to him? If so there is nothing else you can do, tell him to just think about if his mom had done him the same way. Tell him how it made you feel at the time & how it makes you feel every time you think about it, which is probably every time you see her. He would probably barely get along with her too. Personally I think you are doing great to even speak to her at all. If you haven't been in a similar situation its hard to understand. My son never used to understand why I feel the way I feel about my mother. So when he got old enough to understand I explained & he is mature enough at 19 to understand the way she treated him is completely the opposite of the way she treated me, & that I have a right to my own feelings.

Answer 3

nah, I don't think so. You are both adults.

Genes don't make a family so much anymore as the people you surround yourself with and have a household with, you know? So she gave birth to you. Then she decided to not be in your family anymore. You don't have to have anything to do with her if you don't want.

He may not understand. His family was probably different, and it is probably difficult for him to imagine not feeling a certain attachment to his mom. Everybody has certain issues with their families, and they don't all always get along that great. But if they are family--people who love each other when it comes down to it--they get together every once in awhile to see each other...do that whole family thing.

But she backed out on being in your family. It sounds like she could be just anybody, some acquaintance from work even. So if you don't like her or her man, don't go around. You don't have to if you don't want to.

You may change your mind later on, but your man needs to cut you some slack about how you feel about your mother.

Answer 4

You are not at all being unreasonabloe dear but would you like to fall on the same category of your mother or that bloke?? you have your own values and morals and that will always tell you to support your mother at this stage...you will have the best of blessing and I guess that would help you lead a healthier life...goodluck!

Answer 5

No way!! you are not being unreasonable, dont forgive her she sounds a nasty piece of work. Then she goes behind your back for your sister!! Get rid of her, believe me your feelings wont change. I think you should move on. Good luck x

Answer 6

You are doing what you feel you should. In truth, you will have only one mother in your life and some will say you should contact her and try to build on your relationship.
Some relationships, sometimes, are just not meant to be. You know how you feel, if there is any chance of getting to know her better and building on what you have, then take that chance, if not, well... that's sad but understandable.
As far as your man goes, however, he should support you in whatever your decisions is. period!

Answer 7

Your man does not know just what you have been through,how could he. If you had a 6year old would he walk out and leave them........no! You do whatever your heart tells you to do,i think if that happened to me i would be devastated. And lastly please DONT BLAME YOURSELF IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Perhaps you should show your partner all the answers you get back on here......i bet they all tell you that you are in the right. Good luck 2u.

Answer 8

No you are not being unreasonable. Good for you and the way you feel. Tell your man to accept the way that you feel and unless he has lived in your shoes, butt out of this issue.

Answer 9

yeah and if she'd informed you in the previous might your reaction have been to any extent further perfect? might you have had a clue what she grow to be talking approximately? appears like she grow to be completely right, you're way immature and stupid. I wouldnt enable you realize something, she is acquainted with you nicely sufficient to understand you're in effortless terms slightly toddler baby nevertheless and not waiting to safeguard grown up issues like being slightly dissappointed. She dont basically ought to guard you from different peopel like your dad, you pick keeping from your self! you prefer to run off and stay with your spectacular daddy who might in no way misinform you of direction, do you? and have your woman bits chopped up so which you will not often pee? and in no way be allowed out and be offered to a pair previous guy at 15, and could freshen up after him all day like a sturdy somali woman? Why might you prefer to understand the actuality whilst that's it? with your undesirable attitude I wager she grow to be scared that's precisely the diversity of stupid ingredient you will possibly do. i might hate to love you like she needless to say does, you are not often grateful. She's tried her terrific fo ryou, paid on your a.ss all your existence and you pay her decrease back by utilising wnating to kill her. I wager you think of you're entitled to all this loose stuff you have had, you wouldnt have been in Somalia. you're extremely extremely selfish, no ask your self the counselling dont artwork. Is there any concepts on your head to get with the aid of to?

Answer 10

well no matter what anyone says, they are not you and they will never understand your relationship with your mom. it is up to you if u want to see and talk to her all the time. if u dont feel like it then tell your partner that it is not the right time and try to tell him that u r still hurting and u need some more time.. hopefully he will understand, if he doesnt then stop talking to him about it.