what do i do?

Question

ive 2 kids 2 my ex hes never really been around 4 them ones 3 the other is 8 but now he says he wants to start to take them at weekends my 8 year old son doesnt want to know and my littliest wont go alone my son says why should i hes never been there for me but it all come about since he met a girl who has a kid of her own before her he had other relationships but never seemed to be bothered do i force my son 2 go he hasnt seen his dad for nearly 2 months and he says he just doesnt want 2 go with him and when he phones i have to make him talk on phone do i leave it upto my son cause i dont need him hating me for forcing him

the most they saw of him was when he was still trying to sleep with me even though he was with the girl hes with now but even then hed see when they were not here to try to come up

Answer 1

Hi
I think that your ex needs to know that you will not tolerate him showing up and then leaving whenever he feels like it, you are the one who calls the shots here, you are the one who has your childrens best interests at heart, and you are the one who has to set the rules. For your Ex to assume that the kids will go with him for the weekend is very male thinking, you need to talk to him and say that baby steps are needed to build a relationship again with his children, take them out for a few hours on a saturday, just the kids and him, no new partner of other kids, he has to re-establish the connection with the children, before playing happy families with the new girl and her kid, otherwise your kids will resent the new child, build this up for awhile, get them to trust him again, and tell him if he messes it up, then he will have to apologise to the children, that you wont make anymore excuses for him, but if he means what he says and wants to build a relationship, then you set the rules to begin with to protect your children.....and dont make things complicated by sleeping with him!!!

hope it helps.

Answer 2

if the courts are involved in some way, go there and have the boy tell them he does not want to see the father and if he is 8 then they should grant this. For now I would just tell the father he does not want to see them. I would definitely get the court involved b/c things could turn nasty if he really wants to see his kids and can't. The courts can help you.

Answer 3

You should never force your kids to do something they are uncomfortable with.. especially if they don't know them. Would you allow a stranger to take your kids if you didn't know them at all? If he wants visisitation, let him take you to court and let the judge decide, other wise, do supervised visitation for a while, so the kids can get used to him.

Answer 4

set the rules. start letting him see them slowly. at your house. the kids are scared. who is this guy? if their dad is serious, he will do what it takes to make sure the kids are comfortable with him being around. you have to make sure that happens. so, call him and tell him he has an hour with them one night. then slowly make it a whole day. you stay in the background, let him fix his mistakes. maybe he has changed and wants to be involved with them. nothing wrong with that ya know.

Answer 5

Don't try to make him do it for now. Let him cool off about it. Then start bringing it up little by little. Sooner or later, he'll want to be around his dad, because he needs a male role model.

Answer 6

Call an attorney or clerk of court ask to talk with someone about getting supervised visits for the children.

Answer 7

I think you should let him discuss the matter with his dad in front of you. let him tell his dad how he feels. This may make his dad realize what he has done.

Answer 8

it is your kids decision, im 12 and im the same way about going ovewr to my fathers house... I HATE IT!! sorry bout that