It seems that I am turned off from sex.My husband is so much wanting to have sex at least twice a week.?

Question

I love my husband so much and I feel sorry and guilty when I say NO and he is disappointed.We have been married for 15 years now.Can anyone suggest what could be the reason Iam put off and how should I improve the situation?

Answer 1

You should feel glad that he still finds you attractive enough for 2x a week after 15 years. the only clue you gave is that you are "put off". That could mean you have lost your sex drive, it could mean he now has a beer belly and you don't find him physically attractive or it could mean you love him but have someone else on your mind. You need to see a counselor or else circumstance will do the counseling for you. He may love you too but if you aren't willing to be physically intimate with him don't be surprised if he starts seeing someone else who will. it is a need that people have that should be coupled with the way you feel about them. If it isn't you have an issue of some kind which will lead to other issues like conflict, suspicion, divorce. See a counselor, be open with him as to what is going on in your head, but see a counselor, preferrably with him. There is nothing worse than for someone to not know what the cause of rejection is and have that met by silence. People draw their own conclusions then and they are often the wrong ones but most always with results that are undesirable. Good luck. Your other alternative I guess is to "spread em", fake it, hang on tight and try to keep from puking. You could think of it as exercise and that might help too. Don't waste the "good years" while he can still get it up. You will have plenty of "stand down" time when you two get old and wrinkled.

Answer 2

Sometimes when two people have been together for such a long time [ we have ] you get quite comfortable with each other , for instance you do not talk but can sit in comfortable silence just knowing the other is there should you want some hugging or kissing. You stop making an effort, dressing up, smelling nice and hugging and kissing. I went through that as well but started hugging hubby again and it then progressed to kissing and hugging and now we are on the ball again. Not as often as usual but enough to make us both happy. Try hugging and telling each other you love each other , a person gets quite lazy after so many years of marriage and forget how important it is to make the partner feel loved and wanted. Good luck to you and don't worry things will come right, maybe your hubby is the one who does not make you feel sexy and wanted.Talk to him but do not make him feel guilty ok. Cheers for now:))

Answer 3

Your sex drives may have changed a lot since you first met, but I believe that you have to make the effort more often, he is always considering your feelings, when you say no, so maybe you have to go with the flow a little more.
Try and surprise him once a week and dont let him be the one to make the first move all the time.
You might find that although you're not in the mood sometimes, if you plan ahead (ie an early night or special plans), you will look forward to it more.
Hope this helps.

Answer 4

No its not the factthat you've been married 15 years, its propbably that you have got into too much of a routine and everytime you go to have sex you know exactly what's going to happen...where's the fun in that?! Why don't you try having an evening to yourselves with a meal and a bottle of wine, get some nice underwear and try something new in the bedroom. Try nice massages or different positions. Talk about things you both want to try and see if you can get some spice back....do this and you won't be able to keep your hands off him....have fun x

Answer 5

there are sooooo many factors which could influence your sex drive.
are you on the pill? if so speak to your dr as this is a common side effect.
r u overweight (sry u obviously don't have to answer that) as this may effect your libido and energy levels making you too tired to have sex. again speak to GP
do u only do it in 1 place (bedroom) or position, in which case spice it up a bit - front room, kitchen, garden, car. so many places to choose to make it more exciting.
Keep in mind also that its kind of an addictive thing, the more you do it, the more you want it. but likewise the less you do it, the less you want it. Once you get back into it the rest will come naturally (excuse the pun)

Answer 6

Maybe it is medical you are at that age, and so am I so I should know. Men get that blue pill what do woman get, nothing but hormone replacement, I wish we got a blue pill.
Meaning Viagra. It could also mean that you are so stressed out from the day job, children, taking care of the home, and then to take care of the husband that is a full time job on top of all the other full time jobs.
Maybe a week-end away would help, go shopping just for you with no one else with you, get a make over at one of those make up counters, me my self i love to get my nails done. I also use bare minerals make up. So getting my face done is hard to do. Some times when I stressed out I just go in my car and drive out of town to see what is around, of course this is by myself. My sex problems are the other way around he needs the blue pill, but I know what I do to relieve the stress in my life to make me feel better. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

I feel like this sometimes. The pressure wont help. I don't mean to offend but me and hubbie bought a lot of toys- vibrating ones, naughty card games etc. It doesn't always have to be about intercourse! You can practice oral or touching, even just having a nice meal or candle light dinner together. Just be open to new ideas, as long as it's nothing which makes either of you uncomfortable

Answer 8

Not polite to ask a ladies age, but you could be going through the change of life it happens with women at different ages. It will get back to a fairly normal sex relationship if this is the cause, check with your doctor.

Answer 9

I am going through the same thing. I have been married 7 years and have completely lost my desire for sex. I saw my Dr. about it and he has summed it up to the fact that I take Zoloft. I guess loss of libido is one of the side effects. If you are taking any kind of anti depressants...most of them can cause loss of sexual desire. I would go see your Dr. and if you are on any meds that can cause this as a side effect he can give you something else to try.
Hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 10

Perhaps you need to re-kindle your relationship, try things you used to do when you were first together, re-discover each other, nice walks, romantic cosy nights in/out, massages, cuddling, gentle sensual kissing but don't actually think about the physical side of things, build the scenario up step-by-step take your time over a couple of weeks - it does work.