im married and fell in love with another woman... she feels the same and shes married.. what do we do?

Answer 1

Before you say you're in love with this married woman, make sure of it. A relationship is cookies & cream at first but once you really get to know this other woman and start to live with her -things change big time-you'll know who she really is. Focuse on your wife and things you've accomplished with her when you first married her. You made that commitment with your wife "till death do us apart" your wife deserves some type of explenation. I'm a married woman-just got married this January 2007. If my husband was to even think about cheating on me then I would feel like crap because he's not even gving me the chance to fix whatever I need to fix in the relationship. Now think about this... If you and that other woman are married, and doing eachother's spouses wrong, can you imagine how your relationship with her would be like??? It just might turn on you. Think about why you married your wife... Why are you still with her...What are the things I like & dont like about her... Give your wife the chance to fix things up. There have to be some type of love flowing around the air if you're still with her. Dont let another woman mess up your marriage because its not worth it. Later on if you leave your wife and be with this other woman-you just might regret it and then you'll really start realizing all the things you miss about your wife. The main key is dont let go of someone if you're not positive of how things will be like with this other person. Stop seeing this other woman and give your wife at least the respect to try to work thyings out with you, and try to gain back what has been lost. I'm not trying to mkake you feel guilty because things happen in relationships, you really think you & your wife lost that love- but it just might still be there. On the other hand- try to think about if you was in your wife's shoes, would you like it if she was cheat, without giving you a chance to fix whatever the problem is? I believe not. Dont hurt her in a way that you wouldn't want to be hurt. Plain and simple. On the other hand if you have children, that's a big deal too. You're not only hurting your wife but you're hurting your children as well, and to top everything off you're hurting the other woman's family too, without even knowing it. all this other woman doing is causing more confusan for you and your wife. Do you really think she's worth all the drama. You're not only going to deal with your problem at home but if that other woman's husband find out who it is, their gonna cause you problems too. Do you realy think you and your family deserves that? Dump her and get back on track with your wifey. If you try to work things out with your wife and you guys cant get anywhere... then ask for seperation, tell her what you want & what do you need at the moment and if she cant give it to you and things are still the same- than if you think you'll be much happier with this other woman than get divorce and be with her. Remember 1 thing though, her problems becomes yours. I dont recommend anyone to be with someone they dont love anymore. If theres no happiness between the two of you than be happy with someone else. I really hope your marriage works out for the best. I really do. Good Luck! I hope my advice helped a little...

Answer 2

Hi there

Just read all the above serious posts!

I always say that the heart and the mind are not connected. And in a mans case anything below the waist down. Trust me if you have kids say goodbye to them. Your house too. If you live in the UK then expect to be living in a shed because after you split that's all you will be able to afford. Your pension gone. All your friends gone. And if your a nice guy then all your self respect. Like i said there's the mind and heart pulling in different directions here. If your marriage is over then end it first with your wife and ask your lover to wait for six months. If she loves you like you say then she will wait for you.
Final note.
Ever bought a new car? Its great for the first few months and runs really well but then after that you realise that it's really just the same as the last one you had but your now out of pocket.
In short grass and greener ring any bells?

Regards

idai

Answer 3

Getting a hard time about this question...although i wouldn't want to be with someone who is married i guess it is a turn on if they are attracted to you but they can't have you...In your defence I'd just like to add that although your actions (if you take it further) are questionable, The married guy also knows the risk of having an affair..its not like your stomping in there and ripping apart any family. He knows the risks, he knows what he has and could loose so if he does decide to have an affair he is the one breaking his family up too! Although i strongly disagree with affairs, it always seems to be the one with a family who gets all the sympathy lavished on them , when they themselves knew what they were doing and risking whereas the person who is single or has no family (kids wife etc) that is to blame..the person with a family or wife could have simply not ventured into the affair in the first place

Answer 4

I am in the same situation. I'm married, he's married. We have loved eachother for 4 years. I have been married for 1-1/2 yrs. He for 7yrs. We both have tried to stay away, but it's just too hard. We constantly turn to one another for comfort and acceptance that we don't get from our spouses. I married because I was trying to move on, you know, do the right thing....Leave the married one behind and start over. You know what they say...."He'll never leave his wife". Well now that I am married, he wants to leave and take me with him. Fortunately and painfully I know that the passion we feel for one another is only as strong as it is because we are not together. I know in my heart that if we ran off, eventually the butterflies and the pounding heartbeats will fade away and we will be left with exactly what our marriages are now.....full of the responsibilities of life. Good luck.

Answer 5

First of all,I do not know you,but have you read all the respond that you have here sir? If your serious on getting some answers some of us are putting you down. If you have children and do not love your wife anymore, let them go. No need to make two family suffered because the two of you are married.
It may seems that your world is confused right now, but who and why did you fall in love with this married woman? Just ask yourself if your wife and yourself deserve this heavy drama at home. Solve this problem first before you make another one . You owe it to yourself and to your wife to let go and give her the freedom.............

Answer 6

Was in this position . I was married 28 years my partner was married for 25 . Am afraid our feelings for each other got the better of us and we had to be together . Caused alot of pain but neither of us could stay in our marriages and live a lie . Hope it works out for you think that you both will know the right thing to do . Had 10 lovely years together after untill he passed away last year . Good luck .

Answer 7

Well you are both married, so its obvious that your partners will be hurt in the process. You can't built a happy relationship behind other prople's sadness. I suggest you find what is the problem in your marriage and try to sort it out before getting yourself involved with another person. Talk to your wife first if your not happy anymore and get things clear and done with before starting a new relationship. Your girlfriend must do the same, if you dont do that you will be both cheating

Answer 8

This is so sad. I think you need to figure out why you started looking for love outside of your relationship in the first place. Love is just a word to describe a chemical reaction in your brain. Avoid this other woman and be the honorable man that your wife believed that you were when she married you. You made a committment so be a man and stick to your responsibilities. Leave this other man's wife alone and pay attention to your own wife.

Answer 9

Brother, you are not alone. It happens to about 60% of us. I think, based on our vows to forsake all others, you need to talk with your wife about what happened. If you ever loved her, she deserves to know. It may be uncomfortable. It may end in divorce. But, even emotional infidelity happens because we fail to love ... and be loved ... as we should. This happens to a lot of us and its not the end of the world. Rather, honesty and openness is the only key to freedom and healing.

I believe, and a lot of marriage counselors would agree, that it takes between 30 to 35 years to find a true sense of oneness in marriage. Don't let this discourage you. You will have a lot of regrets whichever way you go from here. The only way out of this jungle is honesty and openness. If your wife loves you, you are safe. The other woman will be a problem for your heart for approximately 17 to 24 months from the time you start opening up to your wife. It will be a very tough time for both of you. You need to get to work.

Answer 10

Get over it. It should have never happened. You two have promised to stay with your spouses "until death." Keep your promise.

If you should pursue this and it wrecks your current marriages, which it will, what will you gain? If you two should marry, would you not concern yourselves with if one, or the other, or both might then be unfaithful (it would have to be a concern, otherwise you are kidding yourselves). A relationship based on deceit rarely works.

What you are contemplating will ruin more than four people's lives, it will effect any children, your friends, and your families. This is much bigger than you two. Get away from each other and stay away from each other.