how did you get past your wife cheating with you once?

Question

My wife cheated on me with a guy she worked with and i still love her with all my heart. She swears she only wants me, and she had stopped it before i even found out.
I want to hear from married coulpes who have made it past a cheating wife, and what kind of helpful suggestion you can give to us to make this work.
Thank you for all your help in advance

Answer 1

well im really so sorry for you, i know that this feeling is a killing one, but after all i believe that no matter how it happened you have to ask yourself "why?", i mean if she is in love with you and u r too, then why did she did it with the other guy?. if u can find a reasonable reason for this question then i just suggest that you can take her in a vacation traveling somewhere and have some time only together, then i guess that everything will be okay after this.
but if u cant find the reason for what happened then i believe that cause is still there and if i were u then i suggest that u leave her no matter how much u love her, coz what happened happened for a reason, and the reason still exist, so i cant live with the feeling that i maybe petrayed any day from one of those whom i love and care, and im telling u that life goes on after all. so just what u really need is to sit by yourself a lil and think all about it, trust me the answer is only between your hands, yet becoz of the bad feelings u have now and that i really understand and am sorry for u just cant see it. wish u the best in your future life.

Answer 2

This is kind of reversed with my situation but it might still help. My husband cheated on me with a girl at his work. It was really hard to get past the feeling of being so betrayed. I was very sad and then very mad. I just sat him down and told him how it made me feel and what we would have to do to put it behind us. We made up and secret word so if we were to get in an argument and the the cheating was being brought up, we would end the conversation and take some space for a bit. We never talked about it again though I do still think about it now and again. It's just one of those things that you are going to have to deal with more than your spouce. It's hard no question but if you really have love for someone I believe nothing can break it up. You do have to let it be known though that once is more than enough and it won't be like this again. She'll just have to understand though that it may take time. Sorry to make my answer so very lengthy. I hope this might help.

Answer 3

I don't necessarily think divorce is the only option. However, she would have to be willing to make some serious changes and get some professional help. Her past sexual abuse could easily be affecting her abilities to have a close relationship because that involves trust, and trusting someone could ultimately mean her getting hurt. She may not be intentionally hurting you, but she has to be willing to get help to overcome her past issues. If she is unwilling to get help, then she most likely won't make the needed changes. Also, what if the child isn't yours? Will you still be willing to work it out with her? By the way, you could still have rights as a presumed father in the event of divorce and the if child not yours. You deserve to be treated with respect and be in a relationship where someone is committed the way you are to making it work. Good luck... and I hope the baby is yours! :-)

Answer 4

you sound like a poor me type fellow. Don't you have something else to do in your life other then think about the past? i even wonder why are you on this site I think your relationship is calling you and you had better go so you can tend to it this could have been some of the reason your wife was available for someone else. so what she cheated its over now move on get busy planing for tomorrow and figuring out what you can do to make or day brighter, hey do you really love her? I am beginning to have doubts.

Answer 5

Well the one thing I have to say, because I was the wife of a cheater, and this hurts like hell, but I love my husband. What I do to get past this is... I have found out that he have watched his mother cheat, his father cheat and his older bother use women like dish rags. He have been in a relationship and she cheated on him and he have done allot of cheating, but you can't help who you love after you choose to love them. I still have those days that I look at him and think about it, and I say something to get it off my chest, nothing mean. Just enough to move on. I got tired of going thru the things that he wanted to take me thru and he still didn't want to leave. I told him, just because you are here in this house with me, does not mean we are a couple and I am going my own way. Well I did. I started seeing a man that was so good to me and yet was not able to move past the love that I have for my husband. I felt close to this man, because he showed me how to love and how to be loved, my husband was going crazy and yet still doing the same ole things he always does, I decided to end this outside relationship and be alone, even while my husband refused to leave the home. We talked and talked,fussed and cried. For awhile he accused me of being with him still and I was feed up with that also and I told him to let's end it now.Now we work on, watching what we say to each other, spending more time with each other, It's hard but we keep trying, keep talking and I notice the more we try, the easier it get. It's like dead weight falls off. You and I both have along ways to go, but anything worth having, is worth fighting for.

Answer 6

Hey look on the bright side, at least she still "loves" you.

Some people get cheated on and their wife leaves them!

Well, you can take her back cause you love her and cheat on the side too that way you won't feel like a complete asss..

Once you've cheated enough times you wont feel so bad about leaving her, if in time you decide to do so. :)

Answer 7

I'm not married, but I can see why you are so upset. I don't think anything gives her the right to cheat, and I am sorry for you to go through this. If you really are ok with it and are sure it is the only time, try marriage counseling.

In that situation, I couldn't forgive. I wouldn't want to live with the fear of them doing it again, the betrayel, and disrespect.

Answer 8

I know what yall are going thur -- I cheated once with my husband best friend and when it all came out in the opened we had alot of long talks and decided that our marriage was worth saving -- Plus my husband and his best friend still remain best friends. We never being up the subject anymore.. I will say one thing that something good did come out of this whole situation is that my husband and I are communicating better now than we are ever done in the 16yrs together. If you marriage is strong yall can overcome everything life throws at you. -- Stay together -- Splitting up is the easy way out.

Answer 9

For me... it wasn't easy. Took me a year to get over it. Your either going to forgive her or you're not. It's that simple.

I still love my wife too, but I'm not the happy-go-lucky kind of guy that I once used to be. I'm more vocal than I used to be (I don't mean loud & boisterous), I mean that I don't put up with 'any' BS anymore. In other words, I grew a set of balls and started being a man.

Answer 10

I can understand how you are feeling here. It really hurts when someone cheats or is unfaithful to you in marriage and in a relationship. If she is really and truly sorry and has asked you to forgive her then you need to do all you can to learn how to forgive her and let the past be the past and work on your marriage and life with her to heal what has been ruined or broken in it. You may need counseling and help to do this and is she open to going to marriage counseling with you? You can make it past this with time and healing but like i said time is the key. Good luck to the both of you and here comes lots of hugs your way.