I found gay porn (male to male) & a dildo hidden at my boyfriends place. I also saw on his computer where he goes to & pays to watch gay porn..We have been together 7 years before that when he was 15 he was with a guy, but his parents found out & made him go to church so he stopped & met me later & his friend told me about the other guy & I confronted him & he told me it was an experiment & he made a mistake. THen after dating 3 years he broke up with me & started hanging with these guys of which was gay & called him all the time bc we were still friends I knew that..then after about 8 mo apart he decided he wanted to get back together & get married & he stopped talking to that guy...then he just recently broke up with me again after 7 years...Is he still sexually confused...I love him so much & we still are friends but I wish we were still together but does that look possible or should I move on bc he is probably gay?
2007-03-19 18:35:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
First, bear in mind he could be bisexual, in which case this may not be a problem. I'm bisexual, and I have a serious girlfriend. This doesn't mean I have affairs with men or even especially want to. All it means is that I'm attracted to some men just as I continue to be attracted to some women who aren't my girlfriend.
But from what you've said, your boyfriend's been forced cruelly to repress his attraction to men, and that will probably lead him to want men, whether he's bisexual or gay. If you repress someone, it does have a tendency to surface strongly.
If you love him as much as you say you do, I think the best way you can show this is to support him and help him accept who he is and get over what his parents did to him.
Either way, I don't think it would be good for either of you to get back together now.
I wish you both the very best and hope things work out for both of you.
2007-03-20 14:14:19 · answer #1 · answered by garik 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-25 00:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for asking the question.
Let me start by saying that you are as much a victim of his parents' homophobia and bigotry as he is, and I'm terribly sorry that this has happened to you.
No one changes, not ever -- that is a myth primarily forwarded by certain religious groups. It has no psychological backing whatsoever. So, the reality is that he is not sexually confused. He is either bisexual leaning gay, or gay. That is not something that he has chosen, it is something that is.
I am about to be brutally honest with you, be aware of that in advance, and if you want to stop reading, stop now.
He may well love you very much. You may be a friend that he values and cares about. He may even love you -- but he doesn't really lust for you. When the two of you are intimate, it isn't you, or even other girls that he is thinking about -- he is thinking about bois, at least most of the time, and quite probably all of it.
He is hurting inside, more than you know or could guess. He is struggling with himself. He has been taught that he is evil -- and he may well have been told the biggest of all lies, which even the Latter Day Saints are backing off from, which is that if you have "same sex attraction" and find an opposite sex person and marry them, the interest in the same sex will disappear. (An example, a couple from the LDS Church is linked below in the sources section of the post).
The reality is that he is not evil -- he is what he is. If you love him, the kindest thing you could do is help him come to terms with himself and to love himself as he is - not as you would have him.
I do not say this lightly. My very first boyfriend and lover starting when I was barely 14 (maybe a late 13) years old was bisexual leaning straight. We were together for 6 years, and I realized that he would be happier straight. Nevertheless, he loved me, and it was a struggle for both of us. For me to help him leave and for him to leave -- even though we still loved each other very much. He is happily married now, and I am partnered for 15 years. I do understand the pain and the struggle -- but I honestly suspect that it would be better for both of you -- I think in your heart you know it too.
As a bit of good news, we are still friends. That part is not foreclosed, unless your desires to make it more than it really can be are too strong.
May you be folded in Light and Love,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
http://www.rebuff.org
2007-03-20 05:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes hes gay & im sorry for you both.
He has always been gay but was forced to be something he is not, normal.
I m sure he is a nice guy too.
I think that you both should remain best friends, you probably undrstand him better than most.
Tell him you understand. I think at this point you need still need eachother, so just be there for eachother.
Good luck David
2007-03-19 20:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by wowdavid 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, he is gay and you should go looking for love else where.
2007-03-21 18:26:24 · answer #5 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well remember this,some good things never last,so find another one or get into a convene.
2007-03-20 07:46:21 · answer #6 · answered by javo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont waste your time with him,from what you re saying he is probably gay or bi,move on to some other straight guy.
2007-03-19 20:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by dementia 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋