Honestly, we've known eachother for 7 years, and we're in our early twenties. We've been best friends for 4 and half years. At certain times in our lives we have told eachother we wanted to develop a relationship but we were in different circumstances. At the moment we are in different states, but we are still as close as we always were. Now I am still not over him, and he wants to develop a relationship with other people. The thing is I'm not and I love him. He tells me he loves me, but it wouldnt be what we both want it to be right now. He has this vision that we will be friends forever, but my heart is really devasted. I feel like I cant be his friend, but I dont want to leave the friendship. I just pretend to be alright for his sake because if I dont....I know I'll just break down in tears and cry. I have loved for many years, and I'm tired of seeing him with people that hurt him and don't deserve him. But now he has found a great girl, and I'm jealous. I don't know what to do.
2007-03-19 18:23:17 · 12 answers · asked by Liz M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Watch "My Best Friend's Wedding" (AGAIN, if you've already seen it)
Grab some Kleenex. You may NEVER get over it.-- but you can Live on, if not Move on.
Tell him you cant stand the thought of him being with someone else.
Him saying that you'll be "FRIENDS forever" perhaps suggests that friendship is ALL he wants from you.
I'm sorry for your pain and loss. God bless.
2007-03-19 18:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by What gives? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accept the friendship for what it is. I went through the same thing when I was 18, and still haven't completely gotten over her (I'm 39 now.) We are still good friends, and it is still a joy to talk to her. All the boyfriends that hurt her are long gone, and she has a great husband and 2 great kids. I admit I am a little jealous of him, but I like the guy at the same time. He makes her happy, so he's alright in my book. Real love means wanting the other person to be happy, to have a good life, no matter who they're with. Wanting someone for yourself is understandable - but a little selfish, if it's not what he/she wants. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to avoid him - I'm sure he values your friendship and love, and loves you back. But it sounds like he's not IN LOVE with you. Do you see the difference? Love is a warm, comfortable thing. Being in love is a grand passion - and any long-term relationship needs to have both. Love on its own is not enough. And grand passions, like bonfires, tend to burn low over time before being stoked again.
Be a good friend. There's someone else out there for you - even if you don't want anyone else right now.
2007-03-19 18:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, seriously - you are wasting your time and looking at this all wrong. Be strong - be the woman that you are - stop acting like a weak man. HELLO - it's HIM who does not deserve you. Do you really want to turn 30, then 40 and still have this guy hanging onto you like a bad rash turning every possibility for true love running away from you because they know how obvious it is that you're hanging on to this guy? Stop with the tears, stop with the drippy sappy pathetic love story that is not a love story at all - it's the story of a pathetic man who has been leading you down the wrong road with a carrot that he'll never give you. Get a hold of yourself, get a grip - put your effort, time and passion into something more worthwhile!! You need to cut ties with him completely and move if you have to. You need to get your emotional health back and then you need to put yourself in gear emotionally for someone way better. As it is - you may have met that right person but he ran away as soon as he sensed this horrible emotional bondage you've gotten into. Who wants to be in a relationship with a girl who is in a relationship that isn't. Don't you see how pathetic this is? But you shouldn't be the one to suffer for it.
2007-03-19 18:33:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Alls fair in love and war" ... your emotions aren't going to change over night. you want to be with him and you waited too long but that doesn't mean its too late. Take your chances ... your gonna cry no matter what ... mise well be because you tried. Don't hold anything in ... if your not gonna talk to him talk to a stranger :-p your friends will get tired of hearing the same sob story but a stranger will only get tired ounce :). Self-sacrifice is a great thing sometimes so if you have to end the friendship so that you can move on then do it but tell him how you feel and see how he reacts and damn it if you too really care for each other that much move your butts together.
2007-03-23 17:59:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a break. Treat it like breakup.
Let your feelings stir for a bit. Remove anything that would shake them up.
For instance, try removing photos and images you have on your computer (for this breakup period). Stay away from email conversation and phone calls with this guy. Get some new friends. Find some new hobbies.
To be honest, this "will be friends forever" comment is just BS. Really, your buddy doesn't know how to tell you what he really wants. Be single for a little while...you'll meet someone...and be much happier than you are now.
2007-03-19 18:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by gabrielbowers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have yer mentioned to him that you love him...??? love in/as a couple-relationship manner!!! not love in/as a friend manner!! love can be catogerized in many manner, in fact!!....anyway, different circumstances??? not sure what kind?? different state but still close...very good!!!! have to know & find out the reason to have someone in a relationship other than you... looks like it he has turned this into a love-based-friendship not relationship...obviously you are jealous and should be one, bcoz you are still in love with him... pour out your true feelings for him and reason it out with him..lets see what are his reaction & feelings for you.....
2007-03-19 18:41:28 · answer #6 · answered by funkyscorpion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy for him, and find a new man. There are plenty of good people out there. Don't be obsessive.
2007-03-19 19:17:48 · answer #7 · answered by Bud#21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unrequited love...nothing to do but move on..I don't think he's really interested and is being nice to spare your feelings...I know it's harsh but probably true....
2007-03-19 18:27:52 · answer #8 · answered by Doodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it lots and lots and lots of time. Focus on yourself for a while...figure out what your interests are, what you want to achieve, etc.
2007-03-19 18:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by hilarywatchler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him you will want him to be happy.
Hate to say it but thats how it is, and if he loves you he will return.
It'll be a painful wait but equally will teach you another one of lifes lessons- opportunities are for the takers.
2007-03-19 18:31:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋