HELP... I can't move on...?

Question

My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me 2 days before Valentine's Day. He said that it's very hard for him to continue with our relationship because we're like 1000 miles apart and rarely meet. My rational mind tells me to move on but i just can't seem to be over it. I'm extremely depressed and its affecting my life and career. I've tried all those tips people sell on their self help books and articles but they still cant leave a lasting solution for me. I still succumbed into my depression and pathetic world. Please help... Please...Please help...

I wonder if my ex is feeling as bad as i am?? I wonder if he understands how bad i'm doing here. I wonder if he shares the same feelings as i do... Why its easier for a guy to move on??

Answer 1

I have broken up with my ex last year. We also have a 9 yrs relationship. It's not easy to go through it. If he is the one to tell you to broke up, it means he has already thought about it for a while before he told you. I don't think it's a easy decision for him too. But on your side, you have to help yourself. No one can help you. Something you can do is to cut away from all the past memory with him. Why you are upset is becuz u remember every single pieces of memory with him. So,hide all the things that will remind you of him. Listen to songs that doesn't talk about lost love. I listened to purely Christian songs for several months after the broke up. Also, make from new friends and not tell them your past anymore. Just be a new person and start a new life. if you dont want to see people, just do things alone. Reading books at bookstore or library. Watch movie alone. Go to shopping mall alone. Do whatever to help yourself to have peace. There are a lot of things in your life is uncontrollable. But you have to face it bravely. Once you can stand up again, you are stronger. Nine year is long. Your next guy will only be your rebounce guy. So, don't get into a new relationship immediately. Face everyday slowly. Don't rush. Focus on your career. Or find something to do to get back your confidence. When you have peace and confidence, you will see things totally differently. Life still have positive and negative things. But you have power to choose. Think in a positive way definitely. You are not alone to face this thing. don't worry. Maybe try some volunteer work. You can see there are many people need your help. You are not in the worst situation. I wish you will get well soon. I will pray for you. :)

Answer 2

Hello there,
I feel very bad about your situation. It is a horrible thing and pretty much the only thing that helps you is time. In time, you will feel better, it is nearly guaranteed. There is no way you can be over a 9 year relationship in a short period of time. So don't think there is anything wrong with you. Anybody in your shoes would feel the same way. There is nothing pathetic about it at all

But for now you have to try to keep busy. Idle time will tear you apart. No relationships of course, but I find that I get better by not sitting on the computer because then you can go check out their myspace, or wait for them to aim you. The key is to do things that you enjoy and make you feel better. Start working out, and things like that. You also need people to help you. Go out and talk to other people on a regular basis.

I am not someone looking to rebound you or something, but if you need anyone, you can send a message. Good luck and in time you WILL feel better.

Answer 3

Sweetie.......after 9 years, it's going to hurt like hell, but you have to get yourself together and move on.........For your sake!!! If it's truly over, then there's nothing you can do. Time will heal your broken heart. It's not easy, I know........but it's your only choice right now. You owe it to yourself to proceed forward no matter how much you're feeling inside. It will only make you tougher and better. Try hanging out with friends that are single. It may be unbearable for a while, but you need to go out, see other people, meet new friends and continue with your life. It's eventually going to get better. Think positively..........what can you gain and take from that relationship? There's more fish in the sea and perhaps even greater ones. Don't let 1 relationship end your hopes of being loved and happy again.

Answer 4

Sometimes relationships are like drugs. You find someone you like and it gives you a high just talking to that person. I had a friend we used to feed sea turtles together. He got stationed half a world away. I got a high just thinking of how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of our lives together, but we never saw each other again. I was crushed. Sometimes we see the things we don't have in our lives in other people. Sometimes if you can not be with that person anymore incorporate the good parts of that person into your own life. Do things you would have liked to have done with that person and do things you enjoy take yourself on a date. It may seem lonely, but it's a weaning process. Fill in those parts you think he would have completed on your own. Then once you have completed that emptiness then you can move on and it won't hurt and you can appreciate other people for the good parts they can share in your life you may even find a healthier relationship one that it does not matter how far apart you are because you are a complete person and you have filled that hole in your heart. But I don't think your pathetic just a little heartbroken, but even that can be fixed even if you don't see it now give it time.

Answer 5

I do know how you are feeling. Almost feels like the end of the world. Been there. Just know, we all have gone through similar circumstances when it comes to being disappointed and broken hearted. One fact is that no matter what anyone tells you, a broken heart does take time to heal, and there is no way around it. . In the mean time, there is no escaping the pain, and it is horrible. You are broken hearted, no way around it, you were caught with your heart hanging on your sleeve. Now what? You need to take that same painful journey all broken hearted people have taken. Each mile of your journey, each step of the way is one step less you will take to that road to happiness. But believe it or not, you will one day reach that destination where you are once again happy.. I know you will make it. In the mean time, surround yourself with people who love you and fill your life with friends and wonderful things to do. Life is so short, don't spend it wasting your tears on someone who is not worth it,

Answer 6

the best way is to find things to keep your mind off of it. It's easier than you think. Get together with some friends or family a couple of days or nights a week and see how when you start having fun how time will go by without you thinking of him! It will at least be a start, until the pain goes away more. and it will after time honey.

Answer 7

I know what it feels like. It takes time, you should get therapy for it and help yourself. It's alomst a year and I am still hurt and upset, but I was where you were and its awful. I know. I slept alot and couldn't eat. I was very depressed, but time heals, I promise. You need to grieve. And if at all possible, don't contact him and focus on bettering yourself. Talk to your friends or family that you can confide in and cry. Let it out. One day you will wake up and not feel so bad, and it will get better.
Best Wishes.

Answer 8

It will take time for you to get over your pain.There are no quick fixes.But you can take comfort in knowing it will get better with time.Until till then you have to realize that it is ok to hurt and not try to rush getting over him.If you rush it you will have unresolved feelings forever.Cry when you feel like crying.Your tears are washing away your pain.You will be stronger in the end so hold your head up and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Answer 9

im sorry that things are going so wrong for you. but it hard
to let go of someone that you love for such a long time.
but you need to start to do things that will keep you busy.
go with friends, get a hobby, because as time go on
you will feel that the dark clouds that in your life will pass
away and then you will see the sun. but just take it one
step at a time and when ready start take baby stepl
good luck to you and god bless you. but it will get better

Answer 10

Be real. A boyfriend of 9 years means you willingly let it drag to never never land. The whole thing prevents you to mature. Nothing helps unless you recognize how ridiculous it sounds