I have been seeing this man for a couple months (we were friends for 5 years but were both married to other people). I live 1 1/2 hrs. away and have 4 kids....he moved back in with his parents after his divorce & has no kids but works f/t, has a good job, etc...
He seems very concerned that my kids will not like him once they know we are seeing each other...kids ain't stupid ..they know and they adore him. Still he is reluctant to do the PDA in front of them - no biggie. So I see him mostly when I visit there or when he comes here with my sister to visit...never spent a weekend 'alone' or anything....yes, we've had sex but he isn't really all that 'into' it. I mean, most guys are all over you...he likes to do stuff, go out, shoot pool....and we usually end up too tired for sex and if we do, it just o.k.
So I just figured it was a friends-with-benefits sort of situation but then he will txt me 'miss ya' and on my birthday he gave me a gift card for $100...sometimes he says
2007-03-19 17:46:24 · 17 answers · asked by Clarissa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is sick of going out with friends and partying....it's getting old. He loves kids and has tons of neices and nephews so he gets along great with my kids but I HAVE 4 OF THEM! That is a bunch of baggage.....he is sweet and never says anything mean. I guess I am wondering what is going on? Seems like I get mixed signals and I am unwilling to sit down and have the "where to we stand" talk, which I realize is what I should do, but I was hoping for some idea....maybe...if you guys can translate all this. Could be that the distance away and kids are too much...... thanks
2007-03-19 17:49:28 · update #1
Sorry, remembered one more thing...he is really affectionate and always give me a kiss goodbye, etc.... just not in front of my children.
2007-03-19 17:51:27 · update #2
PDA means public displays of affection and I didn't get the kids involved on purpose...I don't ever let them know if I am seeing someone, nor would I introduce them if it wasn't serious. My kids have known him for 5 years so he has always been there...just not 'with' me. His parents are older and he does alot for them but they are not of a convelescent age yet or anything... I have no idea if he is getting his clothes cleaned and folded or what.
As for paying me for sex - lol - like I said, I am more into the sex then he is so I guess I have my doubts about that..not becuase I am too proud to admit that's what's happening or anything, but just because I am the horndog - not him :-), to be blunt.
2007-03-19 18:04:15 · update #3
Sounds like he's just trying to be slow and sensible. Does that describe him? Enjoy the momet with him and see where it goes. If you can't take it, own your feelings and ask him flat out how he feels on all aspect - really why not? Life isn't a game, it may be the only one you have. A relationship is about keeping on the same page as your mate at all times while allowing them the freedom to create their own "page" while you create yours. Be brave, be bold and go forward. Put yourselves on the same page and know you did the right thing. If you're ever going to have a successful relationship do you honestly think it can be based on wonder and uncertainty? If he says he's taking it slow and isn't sure about having 4 kids added to his belt, don't take it personal. From his standpoint I'd says he's trying the job on for size. Maybe he is unsure if he can really handle all that is new and happening. Clearly he likes you and respects your children. It's a respectable man who cares enough about the children to monitor what he does in front of them (hats off to your companion!). Just enjoy your moments and stop worrying so much about what he's thinking. Men are simple. He's probably thinking everything is nice just the way it is - for now. Have faith!
2007-03-19 18:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by serendipity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are NEITHER his prospect NOR project. A prospect is someone next in line for serious stuff. A project is interesting but needs work, kind of next conquer.
You are right, you are just a friend with benefits. The little presents are to keep the benefits going. That's why he wants no complication by knowing about your kids or others. Actually, if your kids don't like him, they may tell you to not see him and there ends the benefits and his good catch image.
2007-03-20 00:54:24 · answer #2 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. Just curious, but does this fellow have a decent career/is his job close to home? If "yes" to both, how likely is it that he will move closer? In other words, assuming you wouldn't uproot your children, is there potential for less physical distance between you?
In any case, it's only been a couple of months, right? If possible, chill out, and enjoy it for what it is right now, without expectations/PDA in front of the children (IMHO, that is reserved for the well-defined relationship, when both partners are clearly in it for the long-haul, and the children will not be heartbroken in the process...)
Good luck.
2007-03-20 01:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by Artemisia G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
" I am trying to do the impossible....understand a man :-)? " Well maybe for you it is impossible but I've never found it to be so. I simply LISTEN to men when they say something rather than trying to read more into what they say. Frankly I don't think you're really being honest with your children...Yeah they know about you and him now but you said you never let them know when you are seeing someone? I don't understand that mode of thinking. My daughter always knew when I was dating, she has met most of the men I've gone out with since I left her father, not because I'm interested in going any further but because she needs to be aware that although I have been married, and although I am divorced I am still a living breathing human being that likes a social life now and then outside of being "soccer mom" or "car pool mom" etc. But men aren't all that "complicated"...they pretty much want what everyone else wants, to be respected, to be liked/loved for themselves. What is so hard to understand about that?
2007-03-20 03:07:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like the beginning of a good thing...there really isn't a reason you should try and understand so long as things are good...or there is no reason to feel there is something wrong....I think your questioning why he is that interested in you....people have certain dreams of how they see themselves...you and your children may be his dream come true....try and find out how he is around the kids more often and then perhaps things will become clearer if this is for you or not...good luck.
2007-03-20 01:04:18 · answer #5 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you get your kids involved till you are sure. If sex is not important to you then keep going with the relation ship. If sex is important then he is the wrong guy for you. I once dated a women with 3 kids told her she would have to leave them with me for a day when it was raining to see if we was OK together. It lasted 7.5 years she wanted to party and I was into family life not drinking and partying we broke up. Sorry I am new at Internet what is PDA
2007-03-20 00:58:25 · answer #6 · answered by kiss4u 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop making excuses for his kooky behavior. You want a man to adore and respect you? Demand it from them. He's on the fence because you let him sit there. You don't want to push the envelope, you think its your kids, you think its the distance, blah blah blah blah blah.
First, never go to see him again.
Next, let him show you he wants you and be desirable and a little unavailable. This isn't a game, it's called how to see if he's for real or just some gamer.
Too tired for sex? Not into it? You're doing all this worrying why?
Girl, you are an amazing, fabulous woman and as soon as you realize it, men will too. Stop all this caca and make him tell you the deal because he wants to, not because you drag it out of him.
2007-03-20 00:55:16 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He seems like a nice man. He a good person. It seems like you are pushing for more thanhe might want. If you need answers ask the question. If he is really interested in taking it further he would ask you for more (marriage, promise ring). Seem like friend with benefits that you would want to keep. Sex may be a issue later if you say it is OK and it could be the same for him too. No harm in communicate your feelings for him and how long are you willing to wait for him to LOVE YOU or say the words. Beside i miss ya!
2007-03-20 01:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has alot of respect for your kids.....my husband and didn't do anything in front of my kids, in fact I never introduced anybody that I was seeing to my kids unless I knew that there was going to be a long term relationship. After awhile my kids asked if he could spend the night? I asked them where would he sleep? They said with you mommy. Then they asked him if he would spend the night with mommy.
2007-03-20 00:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take your time and be patient, it does sound like he is hesitant in regards to the 4 children. Face it, that is a big responsibility.
-Did he know your ex well...... it may be on his mind.
-He could be missing his ex.
-He could be dealing with emotional issues regarding wanting to have his own children one day.
-Worried he would make you pregnant.
-Perhaps some of his life's goals like travel would be compromised.
Have a good sit down discussion with him about it and what you would like from life and what he would like. Most of all be honest and be willing to take your time and accept what comes of it.
2007-03-20 01:58:47 · answer #10 · answered by Keanu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋