Please Help!!!!?

Question

Let me start at the beginning. My ex and I had been on and off for two years and until two weeks ago we were really trying to make things work. Then, he cheated. Of course I decided that there was no coming back from that. But then tonight, I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I told him of course because I felt obligated and because I want to go to the doctor tomorrow to confirm the test and I don't want to go alone. He called me and said that if I am that we can make things work and he can be the man I need him to be. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure that I can trust him but I feel like i owe it to this baby to be with its father. Should I take him back?

Please don't be mean.

I went today to get confirmation and I'm definitely pregnant.

Answer 1

if you are unsure if u should take him back then don't. u guys dont have to be together to give ur baby all the love and care it needs! let time take it's course and in the future if things are great w/ ur family then u can take about be'n committed to eachother.

Answer 2

This is really up to you. The biggest test here will be if he'll stick to his guns and be there for you through the *whole* pregnancy and the stress of having a baby. But you know him best, and if you think you can move past his cheating and think you can trust him again, go for it. If not, maybe it'll be best if you separate for a while. But talk to him, and be 100% open and honest with him. Set down some ground rules of what you will and won't accept from him. Also make it clear what you want, and if he doens't want to provide it, then he's gone. Some people will tell you that you deifintely have to get back together with him for the baby's sake, but what would be the point of that if your relationship was horrible, and you were miserable? Babies and kids can pick up on their parent's emotions, and babies especially will react to it in a negative way. It would be better for everyone to not have a relationship with him if it would be bad. Having a baby is stressful enough without having to deal with a guy that treats you like crap. But like I said, it's up to you. You know him and you know your heart, but this is the time to be 100% real with yourself and him since this involves this baby's life.

All the best to you.

PS - Like some others said, having a baby can tear a relationship apart. It is soooo hard getting used to being a parent, and both parents experience it in their own way and go through their own stress of it. My husband and I have had some really bad arguments and fights since our son was born, and sometimes it has threatened our marriage. But we've been able to work through it because we have a good relationship (100% honesty and 100% openness - we talk about *everything*), and so far we've been okay. But it is hard, so take that into consideration too.

Answer 3

only you can answer that question. if it is just for the baby and not for love then chances are you will regret it and that will hurt the baby in the long run. he will either cheat again or you will just always worry and not be able to focus on all the good things that will happen with the baby. now it is possible that he might actually want to make a family work and he will work real hard to win your trust and be able to keep it. so you have to look inside yourself and let your heart tell you what kind of man he is. the heart knows if you just take the time and listen to it. by the way good luck with the new baby no matter what you decide

Answer 4

It depends on how old you are. If you are under 25, then you have your whole life ahead of you and might want to think about giving it a try without being with him. He will still be able to be there for the child. And also on what kind of person you really think he is (not what you want him to be, so you might want a friend's opinion on that because those close to you can see things you can't). Do you guys fight a lot? Is there a lot of jealousy? Is he immature? These are all factors you should include in your decision. Trust me, once you have the baby you will forget about him because the child will be the most important thing in your life. Not to mention, if you stay with him for the wrong reasons it can be hell on the kid. My parents divorced before I was even 1 1/2, and my whole life I have been indifferent to the whole situation. Things are the way they are, and I am perfectly fine despite my parents not being together. Whatever you decide, good luck. And if you're religious, pray about it:)

Answer 5

Ok girl listen to me. I was 19 and pregnant, I was a doormat, He constantly cheated on me and would come over with huge hickies on his neck and when I asked he'd tell me some lame excuse the best one was he was at a party and passed out and when he woke there it was. Anyway I stayed with him becaused I felt it was the right thing to do... I gave birth he was not there I was in the hospital for 5 days due to a c-section he never came. However he called me that night I had my son and fought with me. He came to see him almost 3 weeks later. never signed the birth certificate. We seperated when my son was 5 months old. and he still has not been apart of his life. My son is 12 now and much better off without him. Moral of the story Don't be a Doormat!!! Once a cheater always a cheater. With the love and support from your family and friends you can do this on your own. If he wants to be there for his child he still can be that does not mean you have to be his doormat for him to be there. Good Luck- and only you can decide on whats right for you!!

Answer 6

A baby isnt going to make a relationship better,if anything it will become worse and hence not an environment for a child..
Also Im a big believer in "once a cheat,always a cheat"..
There will always be trust issues because it will always be in the back of your mind...
Also he can be the man YOU need him to be..He should be the man HE needs to be..
Think this through and best of luck!

Answer 7

You can forgive him and take him back, but you'll never have 100% trust now. He'll have to do alot of showing you that he is trustworthy to earn that back. A baby is not the glue that holds a relationship together - it's quite the opposite - a strong relationship will be able to care for and provide for baby. The glue that holds families together is the true love and trust that you have. It's something you have to build on from the start - so starting over now isn't going to be easy but it can be done.

Answer 8

Honestly he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I don't mean that in a mean way, I think it takes a true and strong man to be a father. We have 4 kids and my oldest 2 were my wife's from a prior marriage but the dad couldn't stick with it. I love them. They mean the world to me. The bottom line, having a baby shouldn't be the catalyst for him becoming a real man, but it may just be the reality stick that he needs. I don't know your personal beliefs but some effective relationship counseling may be in order, for you guys and this baby. I hope that helps. God bless

Answer 9

If hes good to u other than the one time cheating, if it were me id give him another chance. it would be nice to have a father for ur baby and have someone there to help out wtih everything. i think its really good that he wants to do the right thing. so many of the dead beat dads take off when they hear u r pregnant. I mean u do run the risk of him cheating again but u run the risk of ANY guy u wit cheating so u know?? id say if u can forgive, give him another chacne. but if u keep holding the cheatin over his head - you will invedibluy drive him to another affiar so u gonna have to drop the issue ( forgive/forget)

Answer 10

his reasoning does'nt sound too right ?! well it's just my opinion. The most important thing right now is to confirm first if you are pregnant or not . The relationship between the two of you can be discussed later. Your age group or income level will be of much consideration if you turn out positive because you will be task for a bigger role in life. Hope everything turns out fine.

Answer 11

you said it yourself sweetie - you can't trust him. You owe it to your baby to be there for it but not to be miserable in a relationship you don't want to be in just for the sake of the baby having a father. The baby has a father and if your bf chooses, he will be a part of the baby's life. Let him be the man he wants to be - let him be a father, that's what the baby needs, but one that is going to be there. I wish you all the luck and congratulations on the baby. Give that baby all the love in the world.