How can I get my son(s) to behave?

Question

Hello,
I am a single father raising 2 boys. They are 10 and 12.

Lately they have BOTH been acting out. My 12 year old has gotten suspended from school twice already this year for language, and my 10 year old seems to be picking up on his brothers bad habits.

When I ask my 12 yr old to do something, he gives me lip. I try sending him to his room, and I practically have to drag him there. I have tried grounding him, taking away his video game systems, taking away TV, etc. Im running out of options!

I do not like being sworn at by my children. I thought that I raised them better than this.

My 10 yr old swore at me the other day and I spanked him. I havent done it for a long time but I thought it was time for one. I do NOT believe this is abuse, but I still feel bad about it.

But my 12 yr old is getting a little too old for spankings. I just am running out of options. Help please! I dont want him going down the wrong path.. I am a firm believer in respect.

Answer 1

This is a really hard part of raising kids. My husband and I are having the same problems with ours, I honestly don't know how single parents get through it! Our 13 year old is on a ten day suspension right now. He wrote a poem about a gun and the teacher took it as a threat. They don't have great judgement at this age, no matter what we teach them.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can at this point. It's hard not to feel bad when they force us to discipline them, because they won't set limits for themselves, but we can't dwell on it. We are doing our jobs- they aren't. They may need a female perspective to help straighten them out. Do you have a sister or your mom that can talk to them? If you'd like I can write them a letter, and tell them why it's important to respect their hard working father. At this age, boys seem to respond better to women. You can email me if you want to talk about it. In the meantime, just know that you are doing the best that you can. I know it's frustrating. There are options if they get completely out of control, but it doesn't sound like they're there yet. Good luck!

Answer 2

I Have 5 boys. In the bunch, I also have a 12 &10 yr old. They both are too big for spankings. Now, for some reason they feel comfortable saying what they please to you. I would remove everything from there room. each time they do something, something else goes. I'm not talking about tv and games and stuff, that shouldn't be in there anyway. I talking about blanket,curtains, matresses, clothes, shoes, deodorant. Since they want to act and talk like grown ups, make them work for what they want. Don't stop at their room. Don't cook, Don't buy pop, cookies or chips. They will get the hint faster than you think. You are not denying them care or love. they can sleep on the floor. It won't kill them. they can wear the same outfit to school (unwashed) and sooner than later, they will get the point. Don't go soft. They are going to pitch the biggest fit ever. They may not give in right away. don't feel sad for them either, they need to remember where they get what they have from, so this is the person they need to respect, period. If they had a job, would a boss care? If they can't behave at school, take something away. They have 1-2 weeks (depending on what they did) to earn 1 something back. They will think twice before do something that will cost them something else. You can have them work it off by writing papers on historical people, chores, odds and end things to help you out. 1 week 2 at the most. It works! I have very few problems with my older boys. They know i love them and i mean business. My son's respect me. We can play games and watch movies or just talk. They know where I'm coming from and they know where the limit is. Good luck with your boys!

Answer 3

Sounds like both boys have some anger issues. You don't mentiong where the mother is, but my bet would be that a lot of the anger they feel is directed at her but because you are the one around they take it out on you. It is time to find a good therapist..individual sessions for the boys and family sessions for all of you. You may want to find another therapist for yourself or look for single parent support groups..both of these will give you an outlet and the support you need to get through this difficult time. Your son's school, your family doctor or peditrician should all be able to give you names of local therapists. Be sure to check with your insurance company to see if you need to work with a in network provider and, if you do, they should be able to give you a list of names. If your insurer doesn't cover therapy...or you have no insurance...look in the yellow pages for community clinics (they often work on a sliding scale). You can also talk to the schools and have the boys work with the school psychologist if there is no other option.

Answer 4

you need to sit them down and start laying the rules out and be as strict as you can and taking away privlages will help too your the man of the house and thats the way it's going to be and my parents did that to me and I was so naughty and now I have matured so much it helps a lot and swearing at you is very disrespectful and you do not deserve this take away everything and make them sit in there room all day.

Answer 5

well im a 14 year old boy...i really feel disappointed for myself forcing me to be good and do my best when my father pouts and when he acts that he's really disappointed of what i'm doing,also when his face looks like this : ( ...he never spank me but he made me realize the bad things i've done by his his pouting....for me emotion will get you through this....hahaha

funny but it really works...
he says it's his pouting style!?!

Answer 6

send them to a juvie weekend... tell them that this is where they might end up if the keep up their behavior