My ex and I broke up in Jan '07 and he got a new g/f shortly thereafter. I am due to have his baby this Friday and at first he wanted her to come to the hospital to visit and take pictures but I told him, "No way!!" My hospital does not have a nursery so the baby will be in the room with me at all times. Now he wants her to come to my place the day that I am discharged from the hospital to see the baby. Personally, I think it is disrespectful of him to even ask considering that should only be a time for close friends and family. I am not saying she can NEVER see the baby but that day is not appropriate to me. That is not the time for meeting his new girlfriend and exposing my baby to outsiders germs. I'd appreciate any thoughts/advice.
2007-03-19 17:03:49 · 55 answers · asked by Lady 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
heck no r u kddding me
2007-03-19 17:06:00 · answer #1 · answered by youran_lee 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi, this is the first time I have responded to a question - but I hope this helps!
Firstly, many congrats on your baby (you may have had it), I think you are really brave and I do 'feel' for you at this time, as I imagine it must be very hard for you and very daunting. I am pregnant myself and therefore can sympathise in everyway! I don't think it is appropriate for your ex's girlfriend to come to the hospital or to your home, especially as a new born baby will be so much work for you at first, and you do need 'bonding' time yourself with the baby. However, I would avoid using the word 'germs' as this makes you sound bitter. Your ex should meet the baby, as soon as you feel well enough, but without the girlfriend. Once you have established a visitation routine with your ex, then it is wise to consider when you want her to meet the baby, as although the baby is yours, potentially this lady will be your baby's step mother and therefore it's important you manage that relationship to ensure / prevent the baby being exposed to any negative situations many step families face. Try to continue to be brave and don't seem negative to the new girlfriend, just take things at your pace, as you will have an awful lot to do from now on. Best of luck and I hope this helps.
2007-03-19 22:03:30 · answer #2 · answered by JH 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY!! How do you know that this girlfriend isn't just a fling? I think your ex should have more respect for you and your feelings. For gods sake he splits with you in Jan while you are 7 months pregnant. Hooks up with another woman and then expects you to allow a complete stranger to visit you during the time you are bonding with your new baby. He left you and while he has a right to see your baby no girlfriend has.
I'd say that until you meet her without the baby present and he proves that this is a longterm relationship there's no way!
I think your well rid and always go with your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel right then say no. Don't let him trample over your feelings any longer!!!
Good luck with the birth!!
2007-03-20 00:08:25 · answer #3 · answered by niccog26 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally when i was discharged from hospital i found it stressful as i had no help like i did in hospital. Let him know that you do want to meet his girlfriend and that she can see the baby but that you know the first two weeks with a new baby is stressful (especially if it is your first) and he needs to understand that. Tell him they can come for a visit when you are ready.
2007-03-19 17:09:56 · answer #4 · answered by renygal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His girlfriend shouldn't be coming to see the baby especially since they haven't been dating that long. And thats just downright disrespectful of him to even ask you to consider letting her into your home! If they stay together then it shouldn't be a problem further along down the road but I wouldnt let that girl touch the baby if you're not present. You have no idea what kind of a person she is! I would definitely NOT let some girl come and see my baby if I didnt know who she was and if she was an exes new girlfriend! Let him see the baby (he is the father after all) but DON'T let that girl into your home if you're not comfortable with it!
2007-03-19 17:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well i totally understand the whole hospital thing. why dont he come to the hospital on his own? it is his baby, but he dont have to bring another woman there. if she does show up there. id tell the nurses to kick her OUT. and him if he does that. for the home thing.... id tell him that u want to just settle in first. she can see the baby soon but not then. maybe when the baby is like 10 lol. i dont know how u feel toward her so u just use ur own judgement on this one. id hate to assume there is an issue when really u might not even give a crap that she is in the pic. but i wouldnt allow her to be my babys 2nd mommy this fast. she may want to since its a lil new born. u know how gitty people get with new borns. good luck and God Bless
2007-03-19 17:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by goober 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question. Assuming he will have visitation rights with the baby, you could try saying that you don't feel comfortable with him using your time with the baby and to wait until it's his time. Or you can just flat out say no. The only thing I would definitely suggest is if you want an amicable relationship between you & the father of your child, realize that if you're not together, there will be another woman (or women) in your child's life and you will have to accept that for your child's sake.
2007-03-19 17:14:18 · answer #7 · answered by Love Me or Leave Me Alone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say forbid them both if he wont play by your rules. My ex left me while I was pregnant for his ex wife who he played favorites with while I was pregnant even while with me, so when it came time for the big day I just asked him not to come. It made me more comfortable knowing that I wouldnt have to worry about him pulling something stupid or her throwing a jealousy temper tantrum like she did when he and I were togeather. Men like that dont need that many parental rights. Have your baby how you feel comfortable. I personally didnt want a ton of people in my delivery, and didnt even care for having my own mother and sister there since I dont like squaking but everyone is different. The first few weeks are such a fragile time and thats your bonding time with your baby. You make the rules no one else.
2007-03-19 18:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your place as a Mommy to demand what you want. After you have a baby, you really aren't up for friends and family anyways- muchless your ex's new gf! Tell him there is a time and place for this meeting to take place, but not now. He can't fight it. Tell him how you feel. Some guys really know how to go beyond their boundaries these days, don't they? Good luck with the situation and Congrats on the new arrival. Hope you have a safe and healthy delivery!!!
2007-03-19 17:19:10 · answer #9 · answered by lilmonkeefoofoo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i personally feel you should say no. you need a few weeks to recover from the birth before you should have to deal with that kind of drama. the first day you get home from the hospital i think would not be wise but a few weeks after you get home you should give it consideration but... if she starts acting all mommy like show her the door because your'e the babys mom not her. yeah maybe one day she'll be stepmom but your ex and her have only been together for a few months so you don't even know if she's gonna stick around.
2007-03-23 09:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by moore_256 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. My goodness, the break up is not that far away. It would be nice if you could meet her (if you haven't already)and discuss all this wiith them both. It would seem she should understand why you may have reservations about it. What's puzzling me is your ex's lack of understanding to the situation.
That being said, this woman is obviously going to be in the babies life. I would talk to her before you even have him/her so that she'll know how you feel. Pregnancy is an emotional time for a woman and you don't need any additional stress.
2007-03-19 17:11:30 · answer #11 · answered by tiosharaveen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋