When i was 22 (and unmarried), I met a married woman at a bar/ club. She was older, but still relatively attractive and our personalities just clicked. she was out with her friends. seemed to be happy enough about her life, and wasn't outto pick up a guy - she was taken aback by the whole thing.
It turned into a romp in the back seat of her truck.
So now my wife, 43, and a 7 out of 10 for her age, goes out with her freinds dancing once a month, more or less. They have a real blast. She’s come home tipsy. At least one of her freinds, I know, has a small reputation for fluziness. I come to learn she carries a rubber in her purse. i ask why . . . she said she and her freidns agreed they'd all always carry one because of a scare that happened to a mutual freind. its not to use, she assured, it 'just in case'
just in case of what?
i think about it - we’ve been married 17 years and we are very stable, but we don't have a whole lot of sex anymore. I know this seems like heressy to the male religion - but I just don’t want it all that much. I mean, even if we broke up, I can’t see myself being anything but a bachelor and loving it. But I love being with her, and i highly highly doubt she'd ever leave me -she’s not going to throw it all away - and I know there are moralists who would love to have me believe this is the death knell for me and her, but I know in the worst case scenario its not. but with all of that said, could she have gotten boinked or be open to the possibility?
and if so should i get mad? On the one hand, I think what goes around comes around. More importantly, crazy as it sounds, I feel like good for her . . . don't she deserve some?
I kind of feel like I’d like to talk to her - like tell her that if ‘just in case’ has happened or happens its not the end for us, but I want her to observe some minimum ground rules that are important to me. But how does a woman react to that sort of thing?
2007-03-19 16:56:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had my crazy days of going out, and still (at 35) receive drinks and company from guys when I go out with the girls (3 or 4 times a year.) However, I LOVE my husband COMPLETELY and would NEVER do anything to take away from US! He knows it, I know it and there is trust and love. You should be able to talk to her, but not about "just in case!!!" It should be, "have fun honey, and I'll be waiting for you when you get back!" My husband is 7 years younger and goes out as well, but the same applies. We are hot for each other and hotter together after all these years of being with one another and laugh off the rest.
2007-03-19 17:06:41 · answer #1 · answered by bubblingbroo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're crazy... but it doesn't sound like you and wife communicate much at all. I mean, you don't even know how she would react to a hypothetical question. So, it wouldn't surprise me if she was getting some on the side.
Having said that, you seem like a laid back guy and it's never too late to start talking. Ask her... tell her what you're thinking. Put it in terms of "you want her to be happy." If she reacts badly, then apologize and mark it down to the fact that you two need to communicate more about these things, that you've lost touch with knowing each other. If not, then work out the ground rules. To be honest, a lot of couples have "arrangements" like this. If it works for you, then fine. But be careful, and make sure you think through all of the issues before (letting her do) anything drastic.
2007-03-19 17:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, do you and your wife wear rubbers? If no, then she is getting some somewhere else....period...or trying to get some somewhere else....period. She is too old to be caring what the girls are thinking about her so carrying a rubber to "fit in" is out of the question. She is also not backing up her friends "just in case". I know I wouldn't put myself at risk of having my wife think I was cheating by carring a rubber in my wallet so I could back up my friends "just in case".
Throw it out with a grain of salt if you want. But since you didn't make a big deal about it before, she will keep it in her purse now. I think it is time to get a little sneeky to see what is really going on.....that is if you don't have the gingles to confront her about it.
All you have to do is copy the bar code number off of the condom she had and check it when she comes back to see if it is the same one or not. If it comes back differant, ask here if she switched it up or not and when she says no.....start packing buddy cause it aint yo coochie no mo.
2007-03-19 19:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by vipmsg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, dude. My wife and I agree with the majority here. She's full of crap. "Just in case" what? She accidentally has sex? Incidentally, is it always the same, old condom in her purse, or does she replace it with a new one every once-in-a-while? Probably "just to be safe". You need to straighten this mess out fast. Stop being such a wimp with her. You're probably losing sleep over this, but afraid to confront her, right? Might offend her? Does she concern herself with offending HER HUSBAND? I'm guessing-no.
Forget your "mistake" when you were 22. You're all grown up now. It has nothing to do with that.
And NO-not good for her! If you guys want an open marriage-fine. It's got to go two ways. If you just let her crap all over you like this, she will.
2007-03-19 17:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Chris S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is kinda like you... not really into it anymore. But that does not mean that I go out and get some either. You dont want to give her the idea that going out and finding it elsewhere is a good thing.
If I was caught in a situation where I had no way out, and I had a condom in my purse, asked the guy to wear it. That is smart. But only and only if you were in a situation that you couldnt get out of.
2007-03-19 17:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by dakota_gal_1968 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be over thinking this too much. Yes, it's weird that your wife carries a condom - that would be concerning to me. I think the biggest and important thing to have in a good marriage is trust. If you set up "ground rules" for what if... I think the trust will go out with the bath water.
2007-03-19 17:04:37 · answer #6 · answered by schmitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I would really love to believe that she is carrying it just in case or for one of her girlfriends but it is a stretch for me. I can see in your question that this is a hurting relationship. My best advice is talk to her. Have an open and honest conversation. See what she thinks and what her needs are. Talk about your needs and what you want to know about when she is out.
All the best to you. I hope that you are happy with the way this all turns out.
2007-03-21 01:49:06 · answer #7 · answered by Tired Momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the condom means anything, she could be just backing up her friends. My Daughter and some of her friends that are not sexually active carry condoms in their purses to back up their friends both male and female especially at parties. I really do think you should talk to her about it.....but if you truly don't have a problem with it what difference does it make?
2007-03-19 17:51:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should tell her IF she strays it won't be over, sounds like you wouldn't mind or care and then she's liable to do it IF she hasn't already. I don't and wouldn't carry a condom in my purse, and I'd never even think I MIGHT need one. And if I did I know my husband would throw a fit and I sure couldn't blame him. I know I'd be ticked if he carried any. Sounds like you could be headed for trouble.
2016-03-29 07:34:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are crazy for letting her go out in the first place. Its too late now to pull her back cause once you let that chain go, it takes off before your eyes. As for all that other stuff, dont let her think its okay b/c its not!!!!!
2007-03-19 17:02:30 · answer #10 · answered by Blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋