I am a foriegner living in japan for the past 5 years now,i met my wife 4years ago fell in love and have been married to her for the past two years after 2 years of courtship.
Everything seemed normal after leaving together for 2 years before marriage and now i feel like i am in bondage..i have done my best to be a good husband,very faithful and caring.
These days she has resorted to giving rules on who to talk to and who not to,complaining about my job,complaining about virtually everything she can think of.The interesting thing is that my job and character were some of the things that attracted her to me and now she intends to change me into some puppet or toy.this has met with resistnce because i told her clearly that i cannot change 'me' for her although i have made a few adjustments this has not worked we intend to wed in church soon and i am begining think of a divorce before then as i wont cope with this for much longer...i am confused.
2007-03-19 16:41:42 · 9 answers · asked by gaijin in tokyo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To make a marriage work, both of you need to co-operate. Just tell her that you need some space of your own and you are an individual too. So ask her not to be so strict on you as both of you are adults and you know what you are doing. It is alright to share thoughts about things that she is not happy about but she should give you some consideration as well. Do talk to her gently and go straight to the point. Good luck.
2007-03-27 16:32:00 · answer #1 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, sounds like you are married and the church wedding isn't going to change anything about your relationship. I have read (but don't know from personal experience) that Japanese women run the household, even controlling the money and how it is spent. They also feel tremendous pressure raising their children to be hard workers and ambitious students. I think their methods are to be good mothers, giving, but also requiring their children to perform, not just talk the good talk. The Japanese mothers I have known in the U.S. had their little 2nd graders studying overtime just to keep up with Japanese standards - since they planned to go back to Japan in a few years and knew their kids could never catch up. Needless to say, the little Japanese kids went to school on Saturdays and did not whine about it - they learned to accept it. Since you live in Japan, you must know other expats who married Japanese women. What do they say? It is a cultural difference; I don't think it's to be taken personally. In the U.S., that Japanese wife would learn quickly that women who complain are called nags! And when American husbands call their wives nags, they mean it to be taken personally!
2007-03-27 08:06:56 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What on earth were you thinking marrying someone of a different culture. This goes on all the time with military personnel and it RARELY works for the long haul. Usually it's the woman getting a ticket out of their miserable existence. Go for the divorce and I hope you haven't had children!
2007-03-26 13:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by lindalousmile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First she comes from a different culture than yours so what seems normal to you looks odd or unfaithful to her...even if it is what attracted her to you in the first place.
Second, every woman has her own personality and your wife's seems to be stronger than yours...you shouldn't let her control you but also you shouldn't fight with her...just explain how you feel and if she loves you she'll understand and change for the better.
2007-03-20 03:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible she wants out too, and shes just trying to get you made enough to leave ?? If not, just put down your foot and tell her to take me as I am..Sounds as if you have done all you can by being a good husband.. Hope something helped.
2007-03-27 16:23:10 · answer #5 · answered by That Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are mean generally my hubby was married to one for 30 years and that is they are hard to understand because their values and stuff are not ours. you have to wake up to this and suggest not marrige get rid of her find an american if that is what you are and call it a day. first of all just think of WWII and the torturing they did to us. yep they were her ancestors and stuff and you should wake up to that feeling. they are mean peole and they are very hiding and sly. be care ful
2007-03-27 15:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does she have girlfriends? Women need to share. Allot. You should read some mar and Venus books. They will help.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/104-5611398-4461557?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=John%20Gray
2007-03-24 12:26:00 · answer #7 · answered by SEOplanNOW.com 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give her some rules yourself dear
2007-03-19 22:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by Jennie S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not only japanese women....women are really unpredictable ;>
2007-03-26 07:02:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋