How to improve my personality?

Question

I'm a very nice guy, but I'm an extreme introvert. I keep to myself and I'm rather quiet, which might be perceived as aloof by others.

I don't have any friends that I hang out with but I have some acquaintances. Whenever an acquaintance of mine asks me out for lunch, or for coffee in the weekend, I always deny. I don't like social situations like that, I'd rather stay home to do my things.

The thing is this: I want to have close friendships, but whenever one asks me out, I deny it.

This is a huge dilemma and I'm totally clueless. Please help me.

What can I do to "force myself" into being more outgoing?

Answer 1

You have to choose between the dominating feeling in you. You want to have friends right? so you must overcome that "aloof" attitude. You have to try. Try at least once to accept their invitation. As for the lots of people out there, you're not going to lunch with THEM. Mind who you are going with instead and be at ease. Soon enough, you'll be able to open up. Don't refuse chance

Answer 2

Well, the interesting thing is, people tend to be happier when they adapt to their own unique ways, and work around them, rather than changing them.
This from my graduate psych class... I was blown away by this revelation.
Anyway, accepting how you feel and then sometimes going against that grain is very different from trying to change your whole self.
You act the way you might like to become, or at least the way you might want to act sometimes, and you start to change your behavior.
That doesn't mean you change everything you are, were, or will be. You just change a few little things.
Now, I feel the same way, and do the same thing, and I'm at home not working and going stir-crazy. (I work as long as I have transportation, long story, car's dead).
Funny thing is, I was always very extroverted as a kid, and have generally worked happiest and best with people, espeically kids w/ special needs! Go figure.
Anyway, you may need help the way that I do. This social anxiety thing, which it may or not be for either of us, is the THIRD most common mental health issue in America.
They can't get the word out, b/c people who have it AVOID people, and don't get the recongition that we all need!
This one author on the subject was approached by a talk show, to promote her new book- and they wanted OUTGOING people with Social Anxiety to appear ont he show.
They had no clue what they were talking about, obviously.
But, far from being alone in your general feelings, you have a lot of undiscovered company.
The people who approach you are probably not quite like that, but the people who seem aloof to you also, might be just the same person who knows what you (I think) are going through.
Knowing that, you may just feel a whole lot better already.
Good luck!

Answer 3

i totally know how u feel, i'm a shy, quiet and not a really outgoing girl. I dont think that u can FORCE urself into anything because by forcing you are just putting pressure into something that u dont like and are not comfortable with it, so forget about forcing because it wont work. You have to truly want to make a change and this change can start when you anaylise to see what things u like and the places that u like to hang out. Whatever u like, i'm sure there are more people that share the same interest with u so can have things in common with them, only go after what u really like, anything that is ur interest. That's the only way things will gradually build up and u will find urself more socilable. Never pressure/force urself into anything or let others do that. Good luck and dont take it too hard, remember u will always have a chance to improve, noone is perfect!

Answer 4

First thing is you need to remind yourself that whenever you want something you must pay something out. You said you want a close friendship, but you never sacrifice your convenient even a little. The best way to fix this bad behavior is to force yourself to hang out with your friend. Just think and imagine the good moment you are about to have with your acquaintances and you will feel better.
Hope you will find your "true friendship" soon. Good luck, big shot!!!

Answer 5

yeah! I understand you...don't worry you're not alone
I'm also experiencing that awful situations. Sometimes I tend to become aloof I have friends in school thath they approach me to have some lunch with them but I deny it...they are nice but I don't know I rather choose to be alone rather than to mingle with them. Because I already had background of back stabber friends that's why I'm afraid. Maybe just like me you're also comfortable of being alone. But sometimes I'm also outgoing if I'm in the mood but most of the time I separate my way. But always remember that "NO man is an Island" and dude in this world you cannot live without others so try to mingle sometimes. In this society that we are living "attitude" is the great key to success. Just be a positive thinker and you really need to enhance your self esteem.And maybe ou need to internalize and know your self more.
Good Luck man! You can do it!

Answer 6

On the idea that you can "force" yourself, it is a little like trying to lift yourself into the air by pulling up on your socks. You are who you are; try not denying that for starters, try accepting your unique self.

Then, the next time an acquaintance asks for your company, try saying OK for a change and just do it. What could happen? Either you end up having taken the first next step, or you discover it isn't what you really wanted. You can't lose.

Answer 7

If you're serious about the personal inquiry you've apparently begun, and if this question is not just rhetorical, then check out the link below, follow up, call them on the phone and make an appointment to attend a free introductory seminar.

Answer 8

Maybe get a job where you have to deal with people more? I'm very introverted as well, but when I get jobs which force me into interacting with people I start feeling a little more comfortable socially (not much, but at least a little).

Answer 9

remember your friends name, and say hello when you meet them .

saying something obvious may be a good thing.

if you are uneasy going with 1, ask other too.

try to see your self in the mirror, so you know what they see, no need to be extra or super

Answer 10

take some college classes and make yourself be with people just remember you are who you are .... your future wife/ hubby will not find that to be a problem