how to get my 18 month old?

Question

i have to lay with my son just so he will fall asleep in his own room. then i have to deal with if he wakes up i have to lay with him again. im also 39 weeks preg and i dont want to deal with this when my other baby comes. what can i do. then to top it off my husband is sleeping with him in his room. so that is not helping. should i just let him cry and cry because that boy will cry forever .help please

Answer 1

I went through this with my girls and it was completely my fault. I admit that now. :)
What I had to do, (pediatrician recommended also) was every night move closer and closer to the door until I was back in my own bed. In about a week or so I was there. This is kinda hard for you to do now! But what is he going to do when you're in the hospital having the baby? Good luck! I know it is hard, but maybe crying is the key right now.

Answer 2

I'm all for babying our babies to sleep, but I've been in your position where a new baby was coming along soon and it just isn't realistic to be the one to lay down and deal with bedtimes and night wakings with the toddler any more. I've BTDT 5 times over, in fact! All of my children are a few months under, to a few over 2 years apart. What we would do is pass bedtime off to my husband. It sounds like you're already doing that. Is there any reason he can't continue putting your son to bed, and also getting him back to sleep if he wakes up needing comfort in the night? You have a built-in solution right there.

In a few months, he will likely have outgrown all of this-- most of mine did between 2 and 2.5 years old, and I understand from lots of other moms' experiences with their little ones, that this is a common age to mature beyond these intense nighttime needs, especially since those needs are being met and not ignored and suppressed through cry-it-out methods.

Congratulations on your upcoming addition, and best of luck!

Answer 3

He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. I personally would not just let him cry and cry after soothing him to sleep all this time. What I would do is to do it gradually. For instance...if you usually lie all snuggled with him, then start out snuggled with him, then just before he falls asleep, move just a tiny little bit away. Do this for a few days. [Don't rush this stuff! Be patient; although I realize with another baby coming in a week or so you do not exactly have time on your side at this point!!] Then start out not snuggled with him, but still in the bed. After a few more days, lie on your back next to him. Then later lie with your back TO him. Next move to a chair beside his bed. Then gradually move the chair away from his bed; also, read a book or the paper so your attention is not on him. When your chair has been by the door for a few days, start quietly leaving when he is not quite asleep. As long as you keep soothing him to sleep, he is [more than likely] going to cry when he wakes up at night,b ecause he is going to expect you to be there again.

A few notes here - when that second baby comes, the first one will get more independent. It's not that you plan things that way, it just happens. I had two kids 17 mos apart and you can't imagine how many nights both of them were asleep in my arms as I was in my recliner! Just try to get them to bed then... The other side of this is, they are only babies once. My son was just the sweetest, most cuddly little thing you'd ever want to be with, and very personable and good company even as a baby. He loved being with me and would fall asleep on my lap as I was reading the paper, then I would carry him to bed. He did this till he was probably 5 years old. Is that old? Sure, but when he stopped, he never fell asleep on me again, and I sure do miss those sweet little boy days. If you can't get your first baby to go to sleep by working on it - well, one day it will just happen naturally, and you'll remember wistfully those evenings of snuggling him to sleep.

Answer 4

I had the same problem although I wasn't pregant. I just put my daughter in her bed, and in her room. I would read a book, and than kiss her and turn a night light on. She would cry, but you got to let them do that sometimes. I felt horible, but she's fine now, and is doing great. A night light helped most of the time until that kept her up and we kept that off. Also maybe play some soft music. I also don't see a problem giving him or her a book in their bed to look at if you have night light. Sometimes there not tired yet. But I hate to say it, but you will probably have to let him cry for a little bit.

Answer 5

Start now! Let him cry. He must learn to go to sleep by himself. And the only way he can learn this is if you give him the opportunity to try. By sleeping in his room you are taking away the learning. Everyone has to learn this eventually. The earlier you do this the less headache for all.

Many well meaning parents claim that their child is afraid. They are sleeping with the child so that the child will feel calm. But, nine times out of ten the child has learned the fear from the worried parents and the child is just mimicking, or has learned to claim fear because it is the easiest way to get the parents to continue the over-protective behavior.

I almost NEVER hear this problem from parents of three or more children because there simply wasn't enough time to develop that dependency in the first place. I have six children and I say "time for bed", kisses and they go. No whining. My youngest is 4 now.

In a safe place, let your son cry. If he gets up, put him back. I had to do that with my second daughter 58 times in one night but, she got it. I promise that the first night will be the worst. The next night it will get better and better until there is no more problem.

Praise him for being a big boy that can sleep by himself. Love him. And give him and the rest of you the gift of calm bedtimes.

Answer 6

Well, as the new baby comes he is getting nervous as he senses the change and these are the last few weeks when he will be the only one. Don't help him blame his new sibling for losing you and that comforting time - particularly a 2 yr old. The new baby will sleep so much that you will be able to continue this bed time ritual and it will mean so much to you son to know that he can count on those few minutes at bed time no matter how demanding the new baby gets. Once he turns 3 it will be easier for him to understand a gradual seperation and it won't be because the baby came. xoxo!

Peace!

Answer 7

Hon I do not have a solution to your problem but all these ppl saying a child will cry themselves to sleep obviously hasnt met my son. Furthermore as a mother I would never want my child to cry himself to sleep do you as an adult enjoy crying yourself to sleep and after so long you get a head ache dont you? When my son was younger {he's only 10 months} I would give him his bottle snuggle with him and put him to bed asleep and on here all the mothers where like "oh dont do that he'll get use to it and demand it". Well guess what I did it for 8.5 months and for the last month and a half he gets put in his bed wide awake and told good night and he goes to sleep. Same with his naps he goes into his crib awake and falls asleep by himself. When he wakes up at night I check on him and yes I hold him and if he's been crying I tell him its going to be okay and I tell him we have to go back to sleep I tell him I love him and oh no I sometimes hold and rock him back to sleep or I lay him back down pat his back or butt on occassion and I head off to bed. There are even times I take my son into our guest bedroom and sleep with him next to me and it is those nights that he sleeps the best. And there is nothing like waking up to a smiling face who appreciates you more then words can say.

Has your son always had his own room or did you just all of a sudden put him in his own room. Maybe you should start with the naps in his room alone then work up to the night time.

I have a soon to be 14yr old daughter and I held, rocked, sat up with layed with and so forth with my daughter until she no longer needed it and I will do it with my son. You say you dont want to deal with this when your new baby is here I believe that you can deal w it when the new baby is here you'd be amazed what we as women can do when we have to. I take care of my 10 month old son and my daughter who is terminally ill and sometimes I am so tired I dont know how I got up the stairs or remember changing clothes but I do it and I do it around the clock both my children have needs and both their needs are met just like your childrens needs will be met. I am also willing to bet that when the new baby comes your 18 month old will have more needs as he will no longer be center of attention but I also believe that by age 2 or 3 he'll be sleeping all by himself. As for my daughter I wish I was still able to hold and rock her to let her know it was going to be okay.

Answer 8

i had the same problem with my daughter. I started getting her to sleep on her own by waking her up an hour earlier than when she usually woke up, I didn't give her a nap in the afternoon and then at the same time everyday I would put her in her bed and told her nite-nite. Then just left her in there. She would cry and cry but eventually fall asleep. I did that for about 3 or 4 days. Then she got used to going to sleep on her own and now I have her on a schedule and she sleeps on her own. Now I just have to get rid of her pacifier. She just turned 2 last weekend. oh yeah and When he wakes up at night be sure to just bring him back to his own bed. Keep it routine they learn faster that way!!

Answer 9

First of all, this is not a good time to make a big change in your little guys life, as one is already coming. This is only going to compound his stress in this situation. There is nothing wrong with your kids sleeping with you. Co-sleeping is normal, natural, and healthy.
If you MUST have him sleep without you, make the transition easier on the lil guy. Put his big boy bed next to yours. That way he will still have the security of you, but you'll have room in your bed for your newest addition.

Answer 10

Your baby has separation anxiety,I went through the same thing as my baby was in the hospital for two and a half weeks after being born and had to see me come and go all day and night.You are his security blanket in a sense he feels secure enough to sleep while you are there and panics if your gone.I believed that sleeping alone in a room by themselves is what causes sudden infant death syndrome because I think they awaken to find no one around and become so fearful of being left that they stop breathing.So my son slept with me and my husband until he was out of diapers.I had to breast feed him to sleep while holding him in my arms for two years until I could wean him from it and had virtually no freedom whatsoever because every time I so much as left his sight he'd scream bloody murder and wouldn't stop until he saw me.But eventually he grew out of it and became more independent it just takes time for them to adjust to you not being there to give them security.Try introducing a new toy to him and have that toy or blankie there with you while your putting him to sleep and make sure he sees you with it and act like it gives you and him comfort to have it there.Maybe he'l start relying on it to help him fall asleep instead of needing you there.It might work,at least it's worth trying.Best of wishes and congrats on the new baby on the way.