My husband and I were married for 8 years. He is a major alcoholic, but I love him so. We have 2 children together, and no matter how hard I try, I am okay for a bit, then hurt like hell, cuz I miss him. He is not willing to stop drinking and I am sure he has been with other people. but we keep going back and forth. We are like night and day. I went on a date with someone else, and I try to move on or just be alone, but I just cry a lot, out of the blue. How do you move on? I always see the potential in someone, but I dont believe in the BS. I am not afraid to be alone, I am just tired of feeling loves pain. Please give me some advice. I am sure alot of people know how much it hurts to love an alcoholic. Thank you!!!
2007-03-19 15:45:28 · 19 answers · asked by Tara 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just FYI, I did make him leave and I do live alone, but he does visit sometimes.
2007-03-19 15:51:51 · update #1
Tara until he wants to stop drinking you or the kids will not be a deterrent for him. I had an uncle who was a alcoholic and nothing stopped him except death. Love, money, none of those things meant anything to him, the only thing that was a driving force in his life was his alcohol. That was his first and only love. He loved women and even married for short periods, but no women wanted him due to his drinking and he wasn't going to give it up. Now, as far as hurting when not with him, been there and done that, when we were together I stayed hurt by his actions and when we weren't together I grieved, but soon I learned I was grieving for what it could have been. He also abused medication which changed his personality. Love does hurt sometimes even when it shouldn't. Your children need a more stable lifestyle, not sure how old they are but it isn't good for children to live with someone who won't take care of them and your husband right now is probably only able to take care of his self. I can't tell you and neither can anyone else, this has to be a decision of your own. Do you see yourself 5 years down the road the same as today? That should give your answer.
2007-03-19 15:57:02 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids and run, run far and fast don't look back and don't see him again until you can think of him with out crying, look i know what you are going through and yes you love him but this is not good for you and the kids just move out don't let him in and if you have to tell yourself that he isn't faithful to you he doesn't deserve the love that you have for him, but your children deserve the love from you like I said run and run now when you are still strong enough to question this because at some point you may loose yourself in this relationship
2007-03-19 22:54:34 · answer #2 · answered by catherine marcrum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My opa was an alcoholic. It didn't end very well for any of the family. You have to let him know that his drinking is unacceptable and if he wants to keep you and your children in his life, he has to sober up. Tell him that he has to make some sacrifices and it's either you and your family or the bottle. If he chooses the bottle, he's really not worth... Time heals all wounds no matter how bad, good luck
2007-03-19 22:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by Tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is from my experience: I like to call myself a survivor. I was married to an alcoholic for 10 years then off and on for 2 more years. I tried everything to make him see what he was doing to our family (we have three kids). Finally I divorced him just to show him what he would be missing. But that didn't work because I still loved him and would let him back in my life many times. Finally I gave in and decided to get back together we were going to get remarried until my daughter came to me in July 2006 and told me he had been molesting her. Her words were "but only when he drank alot" As much as it hurt I stood by my daughter and we put him in jail. He plead no contest which is pretty much guilty. It took him two weeks to sober completely up. He told his brother he was physically sick for that whole 2 weeks. So my advice is get him out of your life as soon as you can because it's only gonna get worse. Good Luck!!!
2007-03-20 01:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if this casual fling you have with you dating and your hubby seeing someone but all I can say is that you really need to speak to him on a urgent basis about what is going on to the marriage. He may be a alcoholic but he must stop drinking as it will hurt your relationship sooner or later. Moreover, you have the children to think about. So you must be strong and determined to make a change or else, you will be going nowhere dear.
2007-03-19 22:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
-I think that if you truly love yourself then you would help him to get help from an alcoholic abuse center,since you to have been be together in marriage for so long now. I would suggest for you to stop crying your heart out over weather or not he is sleeping around with other people. Regain your sense of control and wake up. If you see that there is nothing worth continuing a commitment in a unhappy relationship, then get out of it. Otherwise, seek marriage counseling for you both to re-candled your eight year of love blues. Good luck!
2007-03-19 23:03:29 · answer #6 · answered by Angela A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a MAJOR problem with alcoholics. I am not against a drink or two, but too much is so destructive to Yourself, your Marriage, Your kids, Your job. Your life.
I have no tolerance for drunks, they are annoying and horrible to be around. They can't be trusted so do't believe a word they say. Get him out of your life forever.
2007-03-19 22:52:30 · answer #7 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it isn't too much fun living with an alcoholic if u aren't one. yes it does hurt, and theres not much one can do unless the person wants help. if he isn't willing to change, why deny yourself a good life with someone who isn't an alcoholic. takes more than love to stay in a relationship.
2007-03-19 23:00:11 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in love with an alcoholic but I have been in loved with someone who is abusive. My exhusband and I were married for 7yrs and I loved him soooo much, but he was sooo abusive to me it was just unreal. He ended up cheating and now we are divorced, but I stayed with him because I thought he would change, I thought he would love me enough to be a good person and I thought he loved his kids enough to show them a better example. But he never did, he continued on and on and on to the point where I prayed for God to save him or take him because I was afraid for my life because of this man at times and then 1wk later he left me.
The point here is this....if he doesnt want to change it dont matter how much you love him or how much good you see in him its never gonna change. He has to be the one to realize he needs to stop.
2007-03-19 22:53:10 · answer #9 · answered by suzyalexisandgabe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you shouldn`t let him visit you, tell him, if he loves you, he will go straight again, and then comeback, is he really loves you, he will at least try his best, I think you need some time alone to realise, what you really want, too,sometimes some couples like to fight because when they come back, it get better for some time, but it always ends the way it was, so you should really think about yourself and your children, what i best for you, the best of luck!! ;D
2007-03-19 23:03:27 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Madison♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋