Evaluate my poem?

Question

The Price

With my eyes, I paid
To see you
Wearing a blood-spattered dress
Motioning me to run away with all my might.
Waving,
Warning,
Pointing,
Signaling,
Only to struggle
And be captured.

With my ears, I paid
To hear you
Screaming into the night
Choking on the dusty syllables of my name.
Calling,
Begging,
Pleading,
Praying
Only to be shot
And muted forever.

With my hands, I paid
To feel you
Turning into marble
Dimming like a sickly, dying candle flame.
Trembling,
Shaking,
Slipping,
Shiv ‘ring,
Only to be put out
And rise into the wind.

With your life, you paid
To save me
From life’s harsh injustice
Living life as if it were still the same.
Smiling,
Dancing,
Humming,
Hoping,
Only to be betrayed
By Hitler’s cold game.


Please give any suggestions, as well as things I could mention in my explication. Thanks! :)

Answer 1

OMG, if you're not a published poet already, you need to be!

Answer 2

The with this I paid for that bits confuse me --- for example, does the "With my eyes, I paid/To see you/Wearing a blood-spattered dress" bit mean that in order to see "you" wearing the dress, the author paid with his/her eyes (in violence-inflicted blindness, or a horrible image burned into his/her mind)? Or does it mean s/he traded something of value to see "you" because s/he wanted so desperately to see "you"? It's very unclear.

Other than that, the imagery is good, the form is refreshingly repetitive (there IS a form, huzzah!) and it's a good length.

Answer 3

REVELATION TO THE smart the element that harms us the most Is the cultivation of evil in us. this happens when we damage others, to achieve our personal selfish joys. enable others experience free on your own sake, They satisfied, you satisfied, we satisfied Don’t provide them others pity (in simple terms pity your self in case you are able to – self-pity?) once you're making them satisfied, you're making your self satisfied, it truly is what I discovered in my adolescents. it really is the actuality of heaven. this isn't a remodeling Zahid, in person-friendly words an interpretation. i wish I understood your poem proper.