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Hiya. Please no silly answers from the ingenuine. I am 37 weeks pregnant and just found out yesterday that my partner has been having an affair with his ex for nearly a year now. He kept me and the baby a secret from her. He has admitted to sleeping with her last spring but has been taking her out for drinks and meals behind my back up to now. I feel he has been sleeping with her since spring and always puts 'x x' on the end of his messages to her. I have had my suspicions for a while now, but was waiting to prove them correct which i did by messages on his phone. I feel heartbroken that so near to my due date i cant be with my babys father cause i feel sick at the thought of him and her together. Has anyone had the same happen or can anyone give me any advice how to ge through this difficult time? My pregnancy was a contraception failure but i didnt want an abortion and yes i wish i was married first :( Many thanks for your answers.

2007-03-19 15:15:41 · 18 answers · asked by alexa 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnancy

Just want to say a special thank you for all of your really nice supportive answers. It has bought a tear to my eye how nice everyone is and that i am not alone. Thank you. God bless you all X

2007-03-19 15:51:49 · update #1

18 answers

Hi! my heart goes out to you. I had a friend whose husband did the same thing to her when she was pregnant many years ago. She divorced the cad and had the child on her own and brought him up alone. Today, she is happily married to a man who respects her and loves her. You need to be strong, for yourself as well as for the little baby in you. I am so glad that you made the decision not to have an abortion. The baby is innocent and not responsible for the actions of the father, so please have the baby and love him / her with all your heart. If you need help, try talking to your parents, sister or counselors in a church near your place - I'm sure they can support and help you through this trying and depressing time. Don't hide away and isolate yourself from others as this will only make you feel depressed - talk to someone, let all your hurts and pain out and you will find that you will feel better. If you believe in God, then talk (pray) to Him, and you will feel a lot better. Be strong and positive - and do take care.

2007-03-19 15:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by Seng Kim T 5 · 2 0

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I had a similar situation when I was pregnant with my first child. Her father and I were married and he had an affair -- he actually kicked me out of the house after he told me to quit my job (I worked for the State) because he would take care of the baby and I once she was born. I was 8.5 months pregnant at the time. The only way I got through it was with the help of my mother. She was a Godsend. She allowed me to move back home, took care of me for the remainder of my pregnancy, and helped me with the baby once she was born. That was 17 years ago -- my mom has passed on since then, but I am still so thankful I had her during that time! I would suggest you engage help from your family, if possible. If not, perhaps a close friend. Check with the hospital you are going to deliver at and see if there are any support groups for people in your situation. Just remember -- the most important thing at this point is to take care of yourself and your baby. Stress is not good for you right now. I know that it's hard to envision at the moment, but your life will be good again. Your baby will become a sourse of strength for you and will become the reason to go on. My beautiful daughter is 17 now and I can't believe how wonderful she's turned out -- and how fast the time has flown! I have remarried, had another child, and my daughter's step-father is in the process of adopting her. You will find happiness again, I promise. Just don't give up. Try to find happiness every day -- even if it's just a little bit (like the sun shinning, the warmer weather arriving, the flowers blooming, etc.) These are all proofs that the world goes on, even if our personal world is in a turmoil. Eventually, you will be able to find greater and greater joys. My prayers are with you, sweetie!

2007-03-19 15:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by Vicky L 5 · 1 0

The best thing to do is focus on you and your baby. I have not been through the same thing as you, but i recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl two weeks ago and did it alone. Her father has not been in the picture for most of my pregnancy but it was still hard at times. The best thing to do is talk with your family and have someone else in the room with you when you give birth. My mom, sister in law and aunt were in the room and it was really the best way to go. I would suggest doing that.

Otherwise, I would hope that you will leave this guy and figure out the rest (if he is going to be involved or not later) This is not a stress that you need to be dealing with right now. Also, talk to someone that you can trust and can trust their advice.

2007-03-19 15:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by Ziggy 1 · 1 0

I went throught a similar situation. The most important thing is that you love your baby and provide for him/her. Keep in mind that many women end up going through birth and motherhood alone and end up doing just fine. Think positive...it is better you found this out about him now then later. You and your baby will be fine without him. Chances are you will meet someone else (yes even with a baby...I did it). I know it is difficult to imagine not being with the father of the baby, but you need to assess the situation logically. Has he helped you with anything in terms of preparing for the baby? Does he seem to want to be a father? From the sound of it (and the affair) he is not mature enough to settle down. Hopefully you have friends and family who will support you and help you with the birth of your baby. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to send an e-mail. I wish I would have had someone to talk to when I went through this.

2007-03-19 15:26:18 · answer #4 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 1 0

First of all I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this. Giving birth without a partner is hard, but hopefully you have your family that will support you. The best thing for you to do is talk with your family or even your best friend and plan for someone to be there for you. You on the other hand have to stay strong for the baby and know that you CAN do this on your own. He is a jerk and you don't need him. In due time, you will find someone else to treat you the way you should be.

Good Luck and congratulations :)

2007-03-19 15:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anita G 5 · 1 0

I am so sorry that you are going through this. And what horrible timing. If you don't have a supportive family member or friend that can be there with you for the birth you can get a doula. A doula is a delivery coach there to support you and keep you informed during the process. You can probably get a referral from your OB or the hospital where you are giving birth. You can also do a search for doula's in your area. I would make him pay for it sense he is the reason you will be doing this on your own. But I wouldn't exclude him completely, tell him you don't wish to see him but that he is welcome to see the baby at the hospital in the nursery. I wish you luck!

2007-03-19 17:42:57 · answer #6 · answered by Carrie T 3 · 1 0

My ex-husband was practically the same, but he knew and we had planned on having kids before he went to Iraq. Well needless to say I got pregnant and he went nuts on me. I'm due for induction tomorrow, and my current husband cannot be here due to deployment, and his family lives in a different state as well as my family and friends. One thing you can look at is talking to your doctor and having a nurse assigned to you and only you that day. That's what I did and tomorrow from 7am till I have my daughter, I have one nurse assigned to me. Or there is something called a dula you could look into. If you can get your family or friends involved do so. My current husband's mom and sister are flying down after I have the baby and are helping me out for a few weeks afterwards since they can't make it for my induction. My family isn't getting involved at all due to the ex. Just remember that there is somebody else out there and you are strong and your child will be better for you not staying with him. Good luck and what ever happens you are strong enough to leave the jerk and you are strong enough to do this on your own.

2007-03-19 15:54:22 · answer #7 · answered by Victoria B 2 · 0 0

No, I never had a cheating mate. But, I have given birth without my mate. Have someone there that can really comfront you. You go through all these emotions after having a baby. A lot of self doubt. If you can't be with him then have someone there. You should not face that alone. Marriage isn't everything. As long as you have love whats a piece a paper. I am married and I love my husband dearly. Even if he never proposed I think we still would be together. I however don't condon cheating. It would sicken me too.

2007-03-19 15:23:37 · answer #8 · answered by ladeda 2 · 1 0

your main priority now is the child. your partner is probably going through a crisis about becoming a father, but let it be no excuse. you have to do this by yourself.
i have nothing comforting to say about the father, my husband did the same thing. he is not the guy for you, end of story. no one with your heart and the child's best interest at heart would leave you at such a vulnerable time for any one else.
he's a douche bag, move on mentally and emotionally.
if you are certain of the paternity file for child support almost instantly after the birth, it takes a few months for that stuff to go into affect and you need help as soon as possible.

for now lean on family and friends for support, let them help you with chores and meals to take some stress of yourself. walk alot, it will help later i promise!
take care of yourself, keep eating right and stay in tune with your body to keep that bab healthy.

if your concern is instantly for the father and his misgivings, you need to change your priorities or consider adoption.
i'm just saying that you have a HUMAN inside you who will rely upon you, if you can't give that child your full attention someone else can.

2007-03-19 15:23:35 · answer #9 · answered by brandylyn_kay 3 · 1 0

Hi hun I'm am so sorry! No one should have to go through that (I have more then once) especially when you are pregnant. Just remember that you can do this with out him, and you don't need him! If you can try and surround yourself with friends and family that support you! Even though I'm sure you feel like you want to be by yourself because your heartbroken!! I wish I could help more good luck I wish you the best!!

2007-03-19 15:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by alaskagirl 3 · 1 0

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