For gays who have wives and children, and who also manage to have a lover on the side, who are you loyal to?

Question

Where does fidelity come in, in this equation?

Answer 1

What might seems like a black & white issue of 'loyalty' is actually a bit more nuanced and complicated.

America's social structure does not permit the healthy development of gay men or women, and regularly threathens them with physical violence if they are honest to others, or to themselves, about their sexuality.

Consequently, many gays try to conform, and so they get married and have kids. But eventually the repressed truth about themselves emerges, and this presents various dilemmas.

For example, a gay man could lose his home, his job, his children, and his social support, if he was truthful about his clandestine preference for other men.

As a result, many closeted gays live double lives, to avoid the damage and confrontation implied if they come out.

So they would probably prefer to be loyal to their kids and wives, but being true to themselves has to come first, or the result is lying, self-hatred, and even neuroses.

Answer 2

It seems to me that if gays have wives and children and a lover on the side, that doesn't make them gay, it makes them just as bad as a straight person having a wife and children and a lover on the side. This is what I don't get. Why is the word gay or lesbian even in our society. We are all people. I am straight and I don't hold my lover's hand in public or kiss him too often. Why do "gay" people flaunt their sexuality in the streets? We are all people and all capable of loving each other. Celebrate love and not the sexual orientation. In my day, I was raised to understand a family consisted of a mom, a dad, and siblings, if any. I was raised an only child. I was raised to believe that women went with men and that was that. What bothers me is that the human race is going to consist solely of test tube babies, artificial insemenation, etc. 2 men cannot create life, 2 women cannot create life....How is love going to be an equation in raising families when they aren't concieved in love. Why do I say this? Because we raise our children by our beliefs and homosexuality is quickly becoming the norm, so are our children going to grow up exploring gay relationships themselves. Will natural conception become extinct? One to think about?

Answer 3

They obviously aren't loyal to either. Loyalty can exist only when you have one partner. The same goes for fidelity. Need you ask. Can't be loyal in your marriage and have a lover. If this causes unrest with yourself then resolve the problem.I have heard of this happening before, many times. All involved would feel better with the truth out in the open. Might take awhile for all to come to grips with it, but they will.

Answer 4

The question seems to have a Christian point . Not all cultures demand fidelity, not all Women are faithfull not all gay men are exclusivly gay and not all lesbians are un married or child less. You must look at each case and its own merits .
Or are there more Bi-sexuals that we thought

Answer 5

the gay people and well as non-gay people, we are loyal to ourselves. And Why not. First we have to love thyself. then we can love others. It does not matter. We are many people in one. Can take care of a house full with kids and be a perfect partner, then we can go and be a lover on the side, and still keep everyone happy.

Answer 6

GAY and BISEXUAL are two different things sweety. As a lesbian I assure you I would NEVER be with a man. A gay man would never be with a woman. Bisexual is the word.

Answer 7

Themselves.

Answer 8

They are loyal only to themselves, isn't that obvious?

Answer 9

Everyone must interpret loyalty individually.