Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Question

Do you beleive that, or do you think it is possible for someone to make that mistake, honestly and deeply regret it, then never do it again?

The reason I know of the cheating is that she told me about it, 2 or 3 weeks later.

She now wants to get married.

Answer 1

Anyone can make one mistake. If they truly regret it, it won't happen again. If it continues to happen . . .then always a cheater. In your case it seems she has confessed. I think she's sorry. I'd give her another chance. It will not be easy though. Good Luck.

Answer 2

That is a very good question - but first let me address the marriage thing. She is wanting to put a bandaid on the ill fate of the relationship - you need to let that scar heal before you enter into marriage with her.
My soon to be wife and I have made mistakes in prior relationships - it was inmaturity and not necessarily being with the one we should have been with and wonderlust.
Why did she cheat? I did because I was not getting all my needs met by my partner (at the time). Life is an experience - we have to go through it, we also have to learn from it. I am not sure how old you are - but if you can look down the road... and see the two of you having a successful relationship - then take some time to heal from this issue, marriage should not be taken light heartedly. My partner and I (me 36, her 48) have been dating for almost a year - I am just moving in (learning from prior mistakes of moving in after a few weeks or months). We are also getting married next month - which was a stipulation for us moving in together.
Good luck!

Answer 3

I believe that if that happens all trust is lost. The one that was cheated on may always wonder, but yes I think that someone can make a mistake and deeply regret it and never do it again.

Answer 4

I believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. If someone could hurt the person they supposedly love, they never would have done it in the first place. She should really think long and hard before walking down the isle.

Answer 5

if this makes sense, I believe both. Some people are able to recognize that they made a mistake, but more often than not once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 6

Yes I do. I have been that person, I cheated on a girl once in my whole life and have regretted it ever since. She still doesn't know, and though we have long parted ways, I feel even now.

On the other hand. Be wary, particularly if the only reason you know is that you caught him.

Answer 7

I think it is twice a cheater, always a cheater. I think anyone can make one mistake, but don't stick around after two.

Answer 8

The old addage is: once a cheater, always a cheater and if she tood 2-3 weeks to tell you, that should tell you that she will NOT change.

Answer 9

i do think it's possible to change... and unfortunately cheating seems to be pretty common in young LGBT relationships (until both parties are comfortable with who they are and ready to give themseleves to the other person...) take time to build trust. you'll know when you're there... (the velvet rage is a great resource for gay men in this situation, I wonder if it would be helpful for you as well, or if there is another version that focuses more on lesbains?)

Answer 10

I think that depends. Was it a one-time thing or a series of cheats? Did he/she cheat before this marriage or relationship? Did he/she get caught cheating or did they freely confess? Was it a one-night-stand or a love affair? Is the person willing to undergo marriage (or relationship) counseling?