My spouse has control of our finances?

Question

I was upset a couple of years ago and opened my own checking. Since then my spouse has paid all of the bills except my credit cards and half of the food & baby sitting. Now I want shared checking again and my spouse says no. I think that after 10 years of marriage we should have shared checking.

Answer 1

Sounds like another case of an internal divorce. You two live together, but trust is long gone. Did you know that the leading cause of divorce isn't cheating? It's money! If you want money, divorce him and go get it. If you want your marriage back, give him your checking account. Tell him that if it's a choice between being rivals in the finances and companions in marriage, you choose marriage. Hopefully after this you can at least ask to be included in the decision making to some extent. If not, you either accept it or end the relationship.

Answer 2

Your spouse probably dont want a shared account, because of your credit card debts by the sounds of it.
Are you a shopaholic or big spender?????
Why whinge at least he is paying for majority of everything else.
Really you should be happy.
And when you think about it, these days women just want want want - too much.
He is probably looking into the future, that when and if you two decide to split up - you have your own bank account and he has his, therefore you wont be able to touch his $$$$$$
Thats the real reason why he dont want to share.

Answer 3

If it isn't broken, why fix it? If things have been going well, why not leave them alone. The problem is that you are the one who split the finances. Lots of couples have separate checking accounts and pay separate bills, I personally pay all the bills and I would be very hurt if my husband became upset and split our checking accounts. I probably would give him a hard time about combining them again.

Answer 4

Is he using the shared account that you had before? If he is, then your name is still on that account. Sounds like some trust and control issues going on in your marriage. Maybe you need to talk more about those and worry less about the checking account.

Answer 5

You don't need to combine EVERYTHING......
you should each have an account, but have a JOINT account too.
Put a percentage of your earnings into the joint account. (we do 75%). The other 25% is for each of you to keep.

The joint account is for bills, groceries, utilites, house stuff, car stuff, baby stuff, etc.

Our own money is our own money. We do whatever we want with it as long as it is legal and within the laws of mariage. But we are free to do what we want with our own money. that way it is fair........we have the joint account and married money that every marriage needs (and the 75% is WAY more than we spend, so we move some to savings every month) and we each have some pocket money to do whatever we want with.......that way we have marital security and a little financial freedom. and we have no fought about money in the 7 years we have been married.........

Answer 6

I would agree, but then again, you made that call two years ago when you opened your own account and decided to keep your money separate. Having a joint account and a separate account might have been an option back then, but it sounds like you chose to have just a separate account. Now, for whatever reason, you've decided it is better for you to have a joint account again. You two need to talk and sort this out.

Answer 7

Only if you are putting money in his account should you be concerned. If he is paying out of his own account then that is a different story. If you are putting money in his account then you guys really need to start talking. I mean after 10 years what can happen?

Answer 8

well maybe your spouse is avoiding any problems that could happen, what was the problem when you had joined accounts? May be you should a joined account for bills and house related stuff and than have your own personal one

Answer 9

Balance is the key, and the separation of accounts seems to have caused friction. If you two are really nitpicky about halving things, I suggest seeing a counselor because finances is one of the main causes of divorce.

Answer 10

I think that was very unfair of u to do that and now u expect him to change the way he's doing things, no disrespect but everything shouldn't go your way. He may feel that when u get upset u will do the same thing!