Every time i visit her she says goodbye telling me it might be the last time I see her. It's killing me inside that this happened to her and I don't know what to say anymore. When i visit her i barely speak because there's so much I want to say to her. She wants to die and doesn't want to see any more doctors. Is there anything I can say to her to change her mind about seeing doctors?
2007-03-19 13:10:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
No. that decision is, and should be, hers. I think that you should say all those things you want to say. Tell her how much she means to you and that you love her. Reminisce about old times. Cry.
She needs you to say goodbye. She wants to go.
I know its hard, but she has lost control over her body and her life. This is the last thing she can control, that she can say goodbye to the people that she loves and then refuse treatment and die. Let her have that.
Take care.
2007-03-19 13:16:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Anyone can be negative, that's easy. But it takes effort to be positive."
Apply this quote. I understand this is a difficult challenge (it's a challenge, not an issue -- if you think about it there is a difference) but your friend can only choose. Close friends feel that the other's decision is correct. I'd reccommend you turn to your religion, it could help you.
Please, write down everything you want to say to her RIGHT NOW. Make absolutely NO excuses. Write down what you want her to know and give it to her -- it'lll make the difference that you BOTH need. You'll be able to continue on with your life knowing that she knew everything you needed to know.
Death is a mysterious thing.... even years after it occurs it seems a mystery, only because it's an area where science hasn't been able to lead us to. And it shouldn't. Some things should be left alone.
If you are able to really understand, consciously and subconsciously, that everything and everyone has a fate of inevitable death, you'll be able to deal with this easier.
Don't try to change your friend -- acceptance is key in these situations, as well as many others. You can't change people unless they want to be changed, and don't make the attempt now when it could be the last time, and you leave her feeling confused/upset over you trying to change her.
Take a deep breath, think of it, and then just accept.
Talk with those you love, and who love you, and keep a journal -- you'll be glad you did. And remember a quote, from an all-time favorite teacher of mine: "If you have a challenge, deal with it, learn from it, grow stronger FOR it, and move on..." -- Mr. S.
I wish you all the best.
2007-03-19 14:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Green Emotion 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Visit your friend often and tell her all the things you want to. Spend good quality time with her and let you know you love her and are there by her side. If she has came to the decision that she is ready to give in and die, I am sure she has her reasons for doing so. Maybe the doctors have told her more than she cares to admit to people. I know it is very painful for you, and especially for your friend. She needs the love of family and friends at this time. Ask her if there's anything you can do for her. Be strong for her. I am very sorry.
2007-03-19 13:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Those who grieve will be comforted" (Beatitudes)
Most don't know it, but grieving can occur ( & often does) when the person is still alive. This can be a blessing for you the griever. It gives you the time to finish up what needs finishing. From the sound of your plee's to have her extend her life, I would assume that you have so much more you want to finish with her. However, this is not your play, it is hers. She gets to be the finally in her life, and you must recognize that she has completed what is not finished, and this allows her to say "No doctors". She is at peace. Your job is to be there and find the peace with her.
When my dad did the same, it was God who kept me breathing and my heart beating. Painful, yes, but I made it. God bless you on your journey.
2007-03-19 13:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. My mother passed of cancer recently.
She reached the same point as your friend - she simply did not want to mess with any medical visits or procedures. We respected her decision and had some hospice care in her home to keep her as comfortable as possible.
On the issue of what to say.....there is nothing to say at this point. I just kept telling my mother things like "I'm here" "I'm glad for one more sunrise/sunset with you before we separate for awhile", etc.
Just being there is more important than any words you might can say.
Everyday you have with someone you care about is a gift. Use the ones you have left with her. Take Care.
2007-03-19 13:18:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There probably not much you could say for her to change her mind but in the same sense I wouldn't hold back on telling her how you felt l because you may regret it later and once she gone you will not be able to go back and tell her. I know that what your going through is hard but God never gives us too much that we can't handle .So stay strong for your friend and maybe she will want to go on and try to fight the cancer. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-03-19 13:38:42 · answer #6 · answered by randrnorman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, let her live her last days as she wants. She is tired of fighting. It is her choice. Once you choose to give up, there is little left to fight with. Let her know your feelings now. You will regret it later if you don't. Tell her you love her and will miss her. She is telling you the only way she knows how. Take the time to let her know while you have the time.
2007-03-19 14:38:18 · answer #7 · answered by elimayme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then enjoy each visit as if it is your last. Visit some place fun together, go to lunch. If she cant get out bring her lunch and a movie. Don't try and change her mind, help her to enjoy her last days. Laugh with her even though you want to cry, but do tell her everything you want to say to her, if you don't you'll regret it one day.
2007-03-19 13:19:38 · answer #8 · answered by Petra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has made her peace and is ready to let God do the rest. Just be there for her and say what you need to say to her or you will have regrets later.It sounds like she can handle what you want to say and will be happy to hear from her friend. I hope you have faith because if so, you will see each other again and that should be a great comfort to you and to her too. God Bless you both.
2007-03-19 13:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohmygod, I'm so sorry. But in reality, it's her choice, and the doctors are going to go with her choice, not yours. The only thing you can do is be by her side, and be there for her. I wish you all the best of luck in this situation.
2007-03-19 13:58:58 · answer #10 · answered by yahoo user 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋