Why are some women so absolutely mean and strict with their kids, especially when out in public?

Question

Some women, usually it is women, treat theri children as if they are dogs. They give them looks that would kill, tell them to shut up and act like they are afraid that people are going to feel as if the kids have no respect for them. Those poor kids must be afraid to move wrong. The look sare enough to make me afraid. Why does this happen? Insecurity?

Answer 1

Have you ever been a mother and had your children misbehave in public? NO, if you had you would know that people point and stare, and whisper.....The children are not afraid, and if you don't discipline your children (I am not talking about physical discipline, but punishments) they will be the next psychopath out there shooting people, and thinking it's all good, cause nobody is gonna do anything about it!

Answer 2

We have a total of 4 children, two 7yr old boys, a 21 month old girl and an 9 month old son. Shopping can be interesting to say the least and I guess that there have been occasions where I could well have fallen into the category you describe, in as much as I am pro-active rather than reactive and quite strict discipline wise, not in as I'm unnecessarily mean to my kids.

That said, if my children-or at least the older two-are charging around like a pair of lunatics generally causing havoc or wandering aimlessly around with their heads in the clouds getting in peoples way what do you suggest I do-wait until some old lady-or a younger child is knocked flying by one or both of them before telling them to behave or have them behave in the first place?

Surely behave in the first place is the sensible, responsible option here, right?

I don't treat my children like dogs, but they are well aware of what my husband and I accept as tolerable behaviour-especially when out in public and if they play up they're going to get told off-regardless of whether the p.c. brigade are out in force that day or not.

Quite frankly I think that there are a darn sight too many parents who just don't bother to discipline their kids at all-it's obviously all just a bit too much effort for them (in the same way as cooking a decent meal appears to be too) so when you next see someone bothering to enforce a boundary or two perhaps you should consider that maybe, just maybe, it's the umpteenth time he/she has played up that hour and they're due a telling off instead of assuming that the parent is an insecure child abuser.

Even better why don't you go over and ask-I'm sure you'd find yourself having some quite enlightening conversations.

Answer 3

Socialization and culture. At one point I had volunteered to become a co-leader for GScouts. I had to attend a leader meeting, told them that I had kids and since I was a single parent I had to bring my kids in order to attend. They said OK. Well, my kids were 5 and 7 at the time. The meeting literally ran for almost 3 hours. I brought paper, crayons, coloring books...to keep them busy. Well, after 2 hours those tools didn't work. For all intense purposes, my kids were really pretty good. On the third hour, I was getting looks and decided that it was time for me to leave and I left early. I was then informed that it was the general opinion that I should leave my kids home or have someone look after them. I never went back. Apparently, they decided to get some older girls available (to work toward a badge) to babysit...I still haven't gone back. People can be cruel to parents and place unnecessary social burdens and expectations. The power of community is interesting.

Look at Hugh Jordan's commentary, for example.

Edit: H.Jordan:

I never said that I had the right to inflict noisy, disruptive kids onto people--and yes, I do believe that children should hold a given amount of expectations in regard to behavior. I do agree that there are some kids that are totally out of control, and parents need to provide limitations, expectations and guidance. Yet, not all kids are like that and there are parents that do this...to no recognized avail. My kids were the ONLY kids there, in the situation of my given example. And, they were good. I have been told on many occasions that my children are extremely well behaved. Yes, I was the offending party in my example...since all the other mothers had kept their children to home with their husbands and it was suppose to be a chat party away from the kids. If this was the case to being with, they should have insisted that I have my children watched when I asked in the first place—they knew that I would not have come. Yet, there are people who seem to believe that children should not be seen, heard or brought into public, which is where they learn socialization skills to begin with. The point of my commentary is that young children do have a given attention span for being still and quiet. There is a limit to children's patient behavior...adults who are in public have to try to understand that it isn't all about them and that there might be some extenuating circumstances. But, usually it’s the adults who have had very little experience with children that have the most problems with hearing and seeing little ones get cranky from teething or coming down with a bug. Oh...I'm suppose to be a mind reader to and know exactly when that child is going to get sick...must be another reason why I must keep them out of the public eye?? WHAT?

Answer 4

If you are a mother who has mastered the LOOK, good for you...I'm a mother of 6. My children range in age from 19yrs to 8 month old twins. The older four understand when children should be seen and not heard.. It is NOT abusive to expect good behavior from your children... I was told for years that I was to striced with them, well now 3 of them are teenagers, and there is never a time that I don't know where they are, and I trust them to make good decision. They have never been in trouble in school, or with the law. I don't really believe in spanking, it doesn't work with a toddler, but if you're out at a store, and your 8 year old child is TELLING you what you're going to buy for them (everyone has heard that kid) A swift crack in the A$$ will get thier attention. Of the four older ones that has only happened with 3 of them, and it's only happened once. There is such a thing as a healthy amount of fear of your parents.

Answer 5

There are a couple of reasons for this.

1. Up bringing. This is how they were brought up by their parents. So, to them it is normal procedure.

2. Some parents were NOT disciplined or supervised enough as children and went wild by the time they were close to or in their teens, got into a lot of unnecessary trouble and simply became losers. They realize, if they had been disciplined or supervised correctly, while they were still young, the possibility is greater they would not have had to go through the heart break of being the loser in the crowd. So, they don't want their children to go through what they went through. There for are overly strict.

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with strictness whatsoever. I can't tell you how annoying it is to have some whining godd@mn little brat crying or making noise, whether it's in the grocery store, the movie theater or on the bus. Kids should be neither seen nor heard, nor brought in public.

Edit: well what, what, what, why do you think you have the right to inflict noisy, disruptive kids on people at social gatherings which demand politeness and good behavior from all? The power of the "community" in this case is judging you for being the offending party.

Answer 7

If a child walks into your home and begins jumping up and down on YOUR couch and yelling and throwing things you'd probably be the first one to be upset with the parent and think they are not doing their job. Children WILL do this but I guarantee it's not the ones who get correct discipline from their parents and you should be thankful my friend.

Parents discipline their kids because they want them to grow up being respectful and learn how to behave. Most kids who dont get discipline end up disrespecting teachers, students, most adults, and may become spoiled and childish even at an adult age.

THIS IS NOT TREATING YOUR CHILD LIKE A DOG, BUT YES, JUST LIKE YOU HAVE TO TRAIN YOUR DOG YOU MUST TRAIN UP YOUR CHILD AND TEACH THEM HOW TO BEHAVE.

You have to be strict with children so they may grow up to be respectable men and women. This shows that you care for them and how you as a parent want your child to be seen in society.

I DARE YOU TO BABYSITT 3 CHILDREN FOR A WEEK. PARENTS HAVE TO DO THIS FOR 18 YEARS!!!!!

Answer 8

One of the reasons is because most of us just sit back & watch in dismay. Then there are people like me that tell the parent that they need to go to parenting classes. Because from what I just saw, you SUCK in parenting skills. I Also add that I'm a neighbor & this isn't the first time I've seen them treat their children in this manner. But, if I see this child continue to be treated this way, or see any signs of futher abuse I will report them to Child Protective Services. Most of the time they walk away with stupid looks on their faces. Some times I get verbal abusive feed back. I continue to convince them that they are headed for a dismal situation, since I'm a lawyer. That usually shuts them up. How are they to know who I am, where I live or when the next time our paths may cross again.

Answer 9

No lack of self belief right here.. All young little ones might desire to the thank you to be respectful and that is going outdoors the domicile too. this is risky for little ones to be working around in Walmart like I even have considered everytime i bypass there. So are you suggesting that we enable our youngsters act out in public just so no person will see us self-discipline??? the main suitable thank you to coach a baby the thank you to act in public is whilst they're out in public.. So what i might recommend to you is to be sure the way you determine and don't project approximately how different persons do it. all of us have distinctive procedures of elevating our youngsters. merely admire it.

Answer 10

You have to be strict with children when they are young because it's in their nature to push you to your limits. I don't think it's right to be down right hateful to children..but nothing drives me more crazy then children are out of control. If the parents are doing what they think is right and the children are generally happy and healthy there is nothing wrong wth strong disipline.