Ok so my fiancee and I have been living together 3 years now. We both have full time jobs but his ends when he gets home. I have to come home to my 2nd job. I clean house, wash clothes, prepare his dinner and make his lunch and endlessly clean up after him. Oh and I do this on the weekends too. When I ask to eat out he gets mad and would rather have me cook at home. He thinks this is what being married is all about, but I disagree. Am I wrong? Guys?
2007-03-19 12:48:44 · 13 answers · asked by DIANE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your not wrong, and my advice is DON"T marry him. It will only get worse. There are men who help out with cooking, cleaning, laundry etc and also, enjoy going out to dinner once in awhile. He's not the guy for you. You need to break it off and go your own way. It'll be a lot cheaper and easier now, than later when you have to get a divorce and maybe raise some kids on your own besides. Good luck
2007-03-19 12:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by JEANNE B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as thing have changed they have stayed the same. If you were a stay at home Mom raising kids (like 1950's) it would be expected that some dinner would be ready when the hubby came home. Since you both work full time time jobs to contrubute you can the the guy that that sh-t doesnt work any more. Until he changes his understanding of the "new" family dynamic you're stuck with the 50's mentalilty.
Maybe try alternating take home dinners etc there is no time to sit and prpare and cook, clean etc.
2007-03-19 19:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by pmac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like me, except he does all the work because I don't have time for it ANYMORE. I usually done all of that stuff because it was percieved as a womans job but he also knew how to do stuff too except he never did anything. After a while I stopped complaining and let things pile up. He started doing his part and I quit doing mine. And he did tell me that it was what being married was all about. Ex-fiance actually (we were together for 3 years),now we are trying to work things out to see if we can save our relationship because we realized that things were not going to work out. Anyways, remember his viewpoint may have came from his background and the way he was raised (his culture). Some cultures believe that women are supposed to take care of the house/kids and men does all the other jobs. The thing is...that was when women did not have jobs/other jobs. Your not wrong, you just need to sit down and discuss the issue with him. Ask him why he feel that way and explain to him your viewpoint as well. Then, see if you'll can come to an agreement. Communication is key to a healthy relationship! If you can't work some things out now, how are they going to work out in the future.
2007-03-19 20:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by Silent Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. Don't marry this guy until this gets resolved. If he is acting this way now, it will only get worse. It's fun to cook at home, but he should appreciate you and WANT to take you out too--especially if you are the one doing eveything around the house. If you both work, the housework should be 50/50. I would really think twice about marrying him. Once he sees that you are reconsidering marrying him because of this -- if he really cares about you--he will see the error of his ways. If not--good riddance, you deserve better. Being married IS NOT all it's cracked up to be--and once you have kids, he'll expect you to be in charge of all that too. I've seen too many women who work like dogs all day, come home and cook, clean, deal with kids while hubby is watching TV and drinking a beer. Why? Is he worth it? You won't catch me in this situation--I think too highly of myself--I deserve better. He sounds like a loser--he's really taking advantage of you!
2007-03-23 18:05:51 · answer #4 · answered by C M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is; his parents never taught him when he was a kid, how to help around the house. I was in the same situation. Gradually my wife showed me things I could do to help, and how to do them. I found many things I could do quite well; laundry, dishes, water the plants outside, walk and feed, wash the dog, get gas for her car and mine, take both cars to the car wash, oil change, repairs. She was better at helping our son with homework, cleaning up the house (I help by keeping the house picked up and wipe the counter tops) so BOTH of us equally have jobs to do that we can do. We both cook dinner, but she cooks more elaborate dinners than I do.
PS I prepare our lunches. She does the bills better than I could. AND PPS when we got married, I sat in front of the tv, as I did when I was a kid. DId not know HOW to help.
Hope this helps the two of you.
2007-03-19 19:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop and when you get home tomarrow dont do any house work. If he says something tell him= we both work, when we get home we both clean at home , each pick out what you want to do. Its that simple or get married and hire a house keeper. other wise you will be his housekeeper and thats all= a FREE ?
2007-03-19 19:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he doesn't help at all?? I think you should talk to him and come up with a compromise solution where you eat out on some days, and on the others you cook and he helps you with cleaning or whatever.
2007-03-19 19:53:22 · answer #7 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong and you better put your foot down right now or else nothing is going to change after you marry him. I suggest you think long and hard before marrying him. It looks like he's set in his ways. Do you want that?
2007-03-19 19:57:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't what being married is about and if it was why wouldn't you get married? being married isn't doing chores but spending time with the person you love and having children. But you shouldn't do any of that untill you get married. so my advice get your own place then dump him and if you don't want to, date him but don't move in until u get married.
2007-03-19 19:56:16 · answer #9 · answered by Therese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are seeing clearly the next 25 years of your life.
This is exactly what you have signed on for---he's the boss, and you're the employee.
When you have his children, the work will triple and quadruple.
But your pay-back is marriage, children, companionship.
2007-03-19 20:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋