My husband has recently been deceitful to me and I'm pretty sure he has cheated on me. I kind of have the feeling that he isn't anymore, but I have enough evidence, at least in my opinion that he has. Anyway, our son and I are moving in with my parents 4 hours away for awhile(don't know how long) and my parents know the situation. My dad is quite upset about it of course. (my husband and I have had our fair share of ups and downs) I really would like for my husband and I to work things out, but I'm afraid if I try to go back later on to be with my husband then my dad will then be upset with me and think it's the wrong decision. I wouldn't want it to get to the point where my dad would refuse to be around my husband or anything like that. If and when my husband and I decide to move back in together and work things thru, how do I do this without causing a rift in the family?
2007-03-19 12:32:56 · 10 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S. Me moving in with them wasn't my idea...it was my husband's. He said so we could save money for awhile to buy a house and all and so we don't have to be alone alot since he is always working.
2007-03-19 12:50:12 · update #1
Your parents will HAVE to understand, that this is YOUR life, not theirs. My parents went through the same thing with me, only because they loved me, like yours love you. I had to make it clear to them, that it was MY life, not theirs. In MY case, they WERE right...I was wrong....but it was STILL my life, and MY mistakes.
2007-03-19 12:41:50 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well ,it would be better if you two could work through this without you leaving. For one yes, your father may become so upset and want you to stay with them as a family and try talking you into it, which doesn't give your husband a fair shake. Again though you know your situation and have decided what is best for you. Separation isn't always the best if you want to work this out. How does your husband feel about this? Has he just cheated or was there abuse along with it? If no abuse then your father needs to allow you to make a healthy choice for your family, because your son and husband is your closest family, parents are still family, but I think you know what I mean. Never worry about what someone else thinks, if you love this man then by all means do whatever it takes to make it work if both want it.
2007-03-19 19:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be working out all of your marraige troubles without dragging in mom and dad, [and yes, you are] you are an adult, going 'home' isnt going to make him stop cheating. Of course it will build resentment between your dad and your husband, you shouldn't even have told them, this was for a counselor's ears. When a husband wants his wife and kid out of the way--it isn't to save money. Be a strong woman, work it out, you think by not being there it will make him more faithful?
2007-03-19 19:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your dad's relationship with your ex (if you were to get back together with him) will never be the same. By their nature, dads are always protective, maybe even overprotective, of their daughters. My daughter is 10 and even though she's obviously never been cheated on, I know that I am protective of her in other ways. Even though a dad has to learn to let go, I don't think you can shut that off just by flipping a switch.
That being said, your dad's opinion of you and your ex getting back together is inconsequential. If you feel this is the best course of action, then it is your decision to make regardless of his feelings. Maybe the two of you can make things work, and if you can, in time he will come to respect that. Dads can be overprotective, but they can also be rational. If you said, "Dad, I don't agree with what he did, but for the sake of our son, I have to give him one more chance to work things out.", I think he could respect that.
2007-03-19 19:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, personal story time.
When things started going bad between my ex wife and I, I BEGGED her to stay together and try to work things out. She wanted to go stay with family for a while and I suggested counseling.
Your case seems to be the opposite. You want to work things out and he is telling you that you should leave. From a guy's perspective: It doesn't seem like he cares that much whether you stay or go or he would prefer that you go.
To em it seems like things are on the verge of being over anyway so just let it go. If things change and you do decide to go back to him and things don't get better OR get worse, prepare yourself for a crap load of "I told you so" from your family.
I think that you should do what you think is right BUT prepare yourself for the response you get from your family. Remember, family always loves you while the rest of the world comes and goes at will.
2007-03-20 13:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you how, you don't go back until you and hubby both go through marriage counseling. What you are doing (the back and forth, ups and downs) are doing damage to your son. If you show your dad you are doing the adult thing and then when it is COMPLETED...... You can go back to your husband and have a better go at it. Your dad will be proud and you will have a better marriage to raise your son in. Please do this... Good luck.
2007-03-19 19:42:56 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's impossible. You are leaving your husband, and moving home- mainly because you believe he cheated. And, you're looking for a way so Dad doesn't feel ill will toward the cad that has hurt his daughter? Even Dr. Phil couldn't manage that.
2007-03-19 19:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the very reason u dont tell your family everything that goes on with you and your spouse.
Dont tell him anything else that is discussed between u and your hubby.
They are your family and will automatically resent hubby for hurting u, but make them understand that its between you and hubby and for them to please keep their comments to themselves because u really do think this could be worked out and you dont want things to be awkward.
Be honest with them. Tell them u appreciate their support, but make sure u explain it to them just like u have us.
Good luck to u hun.
2007-03-19 19:49:51 · answer #8 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should continue to live with your husband and seek marriage counseling. Your child doesn't need his life disrupted by moving away from his father. You can't salvage a marriage by moving yourself and his child away. And your parents don't need to be involved in this.
2007-03-19 19:39:06 · answer #9 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him one more chance to work things out.
2007-03-19 20:03:09 · answer #10 · answered by jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋