I can't figure this out?

Question

I will call her kim. when we found out she was pregnat it was a shock to us both. we decided to be together and went and told bot of our parents together. the only thing after that was to decide who would move where. she lives six hours away from me. that went bad, she broke up with me and we have not got back together. that was a month ago. when I drive down for the docotors appts( i have not missed one) we get along great. we always have sex, and cuddle alot. I sleep down stairs because she has a small bed.every morning she comes down and gets in bed with me. this past weekend was no different. she would come down,cuddle with me take my hand in hers and rub her belly. we layed on the couch wraped up in each other all weekend,except for going out for food. but when i went to leave she brought down the ring i gave her for christmas and said i should take it back. every time i go down we get along fine,then either when i leave, or a few days after she gets mad and starts an arguement. I

I offerd to move there but she just got upset.I know the child is mine,that is not even a question. Why does she act close to me when i'm there and get mad when i leave? and then does not want me to move there. she won't let me come down in between now and the next doc appt. but when we are together we act like we are in love, hell she even made me my favorite breakfast sunday morning. Shoul i keep trying to be with her or give up. i love her very much,and i want us to be a family

she is very career oriented,and i own my own business.I try to be there more. at first I was down ther almost every weekend. now she says she can do everything by her self when i offer to help out. it is just hot cold, hot cold. And it is tearing me up inside. I have told her this,and how much i want to be together

she moved there for a new job, I have lived here my whole life.

Answer 1

Honestly, she seems to have a problem with you leaving her. She wants to be with you, more than you are with her now. She is dealing with what is a big deal for any woman and you should (as the father) be down there as much as possible. That said, (I will only touch on this so that I don't get verbally abused by the women on the boards) pregnancy stirs up a torrent of hormones that cause sudden quite noticeable mood swings, that may or may not be the source of your problem. DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE BECAUSE THEN SHE WILL DEFINITELY BE MAD!

As I see it, your best option, if it is an option, would be to move down there with her and look for a job there.

Good job with the doctor appointments, even married men living with their wives have difficulty with that, so keep up the good work there, im sure that is getting you points.

Answer 2

First, yes I am a woman and yes, I have been pregnant before. That being said, I say, don't accept pregnancy and hormones as an excuse! Tell her that you can't take her being all lovey when you are there and giving you the cold shoulder the rest of the time. It isn't your fault she is pregnant (it takes two). Tell her you two need to find a compromise because this child is as much yours as it is hers and you don't want her or your child being so far away. I think she is probably looking for a commitment (marriage), not just a ring. Tell her to make a decision or knock it off. Tell her you will be there for the child but as far as your relationship with her, end it unless she comes to her senses. You shouldn't be treated like this. If she is playing these kinds of mind games now, God help you when she has that child. Good luck!

Answer 3

Do you know what you want? Would you still want to be with her if the baby wasn't there?

What do you want?

She is probably experiencing a wide range of feelings due to hormone and the huge change in her life. She needs to consider the health and wellbeing of herself and the baby. If she doesn't feel secure, she will err on the side of caution to protect herself and the baby. Keeping you at arms length may be a security thing. If you aren't close (i.e. in a relationship) she can't get hurt or be in a vulnerable situation.

If you truly care for this woman and you want to commit to her and the baby (and you have to be committed in order for this to work), you MUST tell her. You have nothing to lose. Tell her that you love her for who she is and regardless of her answer, you will be there for the baby, but that you love being with her, being close to her, holding her, laughing and smiling etc.

Try to remain calm if she responds negatively. Just be open and honest about how you feel.

Consider with all this that her hormones and mothering instincts are ruling her life and she may not know what she wants. However she may have a very clear plan and that may not include you.

Ultimately, all you can do is be honest. I think you have the right to ask her to be honest too.

Answer 4

Its because you leave and being mad at you for going makes it hurt less at least in her mind she wants you to say hey i think we can make this work so let me stay or figure a way to come back here and see if we can make this work but you don't not even after a wonderful weekend so she crashes down to reality and lands with a loud thud as she realizes she will be with out you for the next 30 days and with being pregnant it hurts more so she picks a fight acts like she does not care and does stuff that will hurt you as much as she is every time you walk out the door! its great that you come back for every doctors visit but in the end there is part of her that wonders is it really for her or the free sex or the baby so she acts like she does not care so when you don't come back she can pretend it does not bother her what you need to do is figure out if she and this is what you want and if so make sure she knows this and start figuring out a way for you guys to get closer living wise and make sure she knows when you leave it hurts you to go and its not really how you want it so lets find a way to make it work and just keep reassuring her that you care deeply for her and are not leaving her when you go home!

Answer 5

Talk to her about the mixed signals you are getting. She is going through plenty of hormone changes with the pregnancy, and that could account for some of her behaviors. Also she is going through an unsure time...she is pregnant, you are there for her and the pregnancy, but her future is kind of up in the air. It is a great time and a scary time all at once. Talk to her about how she is feeling and how you are feeling. The worst thing is not knowing what is going on and trying to come up with answers by yourself.


***You have offered to move, and she doesn't want you to. She is saying more and more how she can do things by herself. Personally...I hope you two can somehow work things out, but you might want to start preparing for the possibility that she will not get over whatever it is she is going through. You do not want to be pushed out of your child's life by her need for independence and this "do it myself" attititude. It may never come to that, but you may want to consult with a lawyer to make sure you are an intact fixture in your child's life.

Answer 6

Pregnancy hormones. She has no idea what she really wants yet. Just be patient with her and definitely continue being there for her when she needs you most. The time will come when to talk about the future together. Youre doing the right thing so keep going. Just chalk up most of her actions to the pregnancy and try not to upset her. Good luck

Answer 7

She is going to a tough time right now. It is every hard to understand a woman in this point in time. Even after she gives birth she will be going threw Post patron depression . What u need to do is read up on this and ask the doctor questions. Talk to ur mom and other woman that have gone threw this. It will help u understand a little better.

She want u to be with her in this point in time. She need to feel that u r there for her not just for the baby. Show her that u r there for her.

It will be hard, but don't give up she is going threw so many changes some times its even hard for her to understand them.

I hope that This help u.

Answer 8

She mad. She hasn't really told you what she wants. And you, you got this girl pregnant and you live 6hrs away. If I was her I would argue with you too. Don't you get it. You need to move down there with her or have her move with you. You think lay-en up for a week-end and going to doctor appointment is enough. It's not when a women pregnant. A women needs the father there all the time not 6hours away, that crazy.

Answer 9

Women will NEVER tell you what's going on. It is your job to figure it out.

One way to figure out what they're saying is to "read between the lines." What is she NOT telling you? Or - what is she telling you from her actions, not her words.

From what you're describing, here's what I think she's trying to tell you:

Hey - you bonehead - I want to you to move down here and get a place with me so we can get married. I keep leaving you hints but you DON'T GET IT! I take care of you when you're here, I cuddle you when you're here, but I get mad at you when you leave - what do you think that I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!

At least that's my two cent's worth!

FP

Answer 10

This is how i feel i think she feels like because of the baby it might cause you guys to break up eventually so she just decided to get it over with early..But she still has feelings for you, she only gets mad and argue because she still care and wants you to still care about her. You should just try and talk to her and explain to her that you still care about her and you want to be with her. Because i think she still wants to be with you.