How to bring up endometriosis and needing to get pregnant sooner?

Question

Ok I have been wondering about this for a while, it is a little difficult so here it goes.

I have a genetic medical condition known as Endometriosis wich in a nutshell means the lining of my uteris grows out of control. Well with this condition comes a smaller window in wich I can have children. I am 21 and by the time I am 24-25 my chances will be around 50% and by the time I am 27-28 I will be around 15%. I am dating a wonderful guy right now but we have not been together that long (he is 23). I have mentioned my condition but no %'s or stats like I am giving you right now.

My question is; I would like to bear at least one child of my OWN in my life and would need to do it a little sooner than most women. I don't want to oops get pregnant, I want it to be planned. How do you break someting like that to a guy? That within the next 4 years you NEED to have a baby or else may not be able to.

What would scare a guy more, that you have to have a baby sooner or may not be able to?

Answer 1

I agree you should do more research & make sure you aren't worrying unneccessarily.

What does your intuition tell you? Do you think he can handle the topic now?

If I thought he could handle it, I'd bring it up. I'd say something like - it's too early to know if this is going to lead to marriage. I want you to know that I have endometriosis &... I'm telling you now because it may influence your decision/be a deal breaker/so you know up front, etc. before we go any further. no pressure. Just FYI. Then be quiet & let him process/deal.

You have to be clear that you aren't presuring yourself & that you are settled w/ your situation. (i.e. Are you clear about what you want? Have you thought through the different scenarios? Maybe you won't be married by 25 or for whatever reason, need to wait a bit? Can you make peace w/ that?)

I've been married for a while so I tend to err on the side of frankness.

Answer 2

I would like to see legitimate medical studies proving your genetic endometriosis. There is some evidence that endometriosis can be partially genetic, but nowhere have I seen the odds your doctor gave you. There are treatments for endometriosis, depending on the severity. A severe case may diminish your ability to conceive as time goes on, but no one can tell you that you will have only a 15% chance of conceiving at age 28.

Have you had laparoscopic treatment? Are you on Danazol?
I really like the suggestion by the person who said you can have ovum frozen for future use, if necessary. That is certainly an option, although not an inexpensive one. I would never tell a guy that I have to have a baby soon or I may never be able to have one, until we were in a long term, serious relationship and the talk of a future and children came up. For one thing, I worry that you will "settle" for a man who may not be ideal for you because you're so worried about having a baby "in time".

Have you gone to an infertility specialist or someone who is extremely knowledgeable about endometriosis? Considering what is at stake, a second opinion would be a great idea for you. Most insurance companies will pay for a second opinion. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I'm hearing a lot about needing to have a baby right away and a lot about fear you will scare away this guy, but nothing about how you feel about him or how you think he feels for you.

Whether you are in a hurry or not, I think you need to think long and hard about wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. If you love him and feel that he loves you, tell him. If those feelings aren't there, you need to be moving on.

BTW, my cousin's endometriosis was so bad that she had to have surgery to conceive. After her baby was born, however, her condition improved greatly--two of her three children were born after her 30th birthday.

Godspeed!

Answer 4

I had it too; I had no problem whatsoever getting pregnant and carrying.

If you are worried about having children then get some of your ovums removed and stored cryogenically; you can have them implanted at a later date.

You have more time than you think and you probably need to change doctors because whoever told you that BS about not having children because you have endometriosis is just plain not right.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis

Answer 5

You will definitely scare the hell out of him. My wife had Endo and it was painful toward the end before the hysterectomy. We've got 3 kids and they're great. We had them all after she was 25, and didn't have any problem with getting pregnant.

If you present it as a medical ultimatum he'll bolt. That's just my thought anyway.

Answer 6

as a sufferer of endometriosis who underwent surgical treatment to have it scraped off, I sugggest you decide on for it now. if your bf would not prefer the duty, perchance out of love he will accommodate you! good, good success to you!