I've been married for 10 years and my husband doesn't want to share fiances?

Question

I need a married persons opion. I have been married for 10 years and my husband doesnt want to share fianances he does pay the mortage but I pay for everything else. I suggested us to go share checking and he said thats fine but I can only use what amount I put into it and he will pay for his bills and I pay for mine. He does make triple the amount I do. I thought once people marry that most things should be joint. I dont even know what he spends his money on and never get to see his recipts. We have two children together and he doesnt spent money on them. This has been burning me up for a while so I would like peoples thoughts on this?

Answer 1

my question is, why on earth are you putting up with this? why are you still with 'em?

my ex was exactly like that too... sneaky, everything is a big secret, didnt pay for the kids needs (my family did most of the time), etc.

he made an obsene salary and we lived like poor slobs.

you deserve better then that, and your kids deserve a better example of a man...

just my opinion.
mother of 4

CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATOR
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/

ABANDONMENT (NO SHOW PARENTS)
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/

NOT ALL PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN
And "RATIONAL LIES"
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/child_custody/article7.asp



LAWS
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/links.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/laypersons.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.spiesonline.net/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html

STATS
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/acesstatistics.html

FINDING DEADBEATS
(and background cks to find them)
http://www.usarecordssearch.com/
http://deadbeatsnitch.com/
http://www.wantedposters.com/skiptrace.htm
http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1&
http://omnitrace.com/Missing-Persons-Search.html?OVRAW=deadbeat&OVKEY=deadbeat&OVMTC=standard
http://www.discreetdata.com/index.html
http://www.identitycrawler.net/people_search.html
http://www.peoplefinders.com
http://zabasearch.com/
http://www.crimcheck.com/personalreports.htm
http://www.easybackgroundchecks.com/
http://www.abika.com/
http://www.freeprf.com/
http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/
http://www.netsleuth.com/
http://netonlineinvestigators.com/index.asp
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/
http://www.backgroundcheckgateway.com/locate-people.html


FED AGENCIES
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
http://www.naag.org/issues/issue-consumer.php

REGIONAL FEDERAL CHILD SUPPORT OFFICES
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/fct4.htm
http://www.divorcesource.com/WI/ARTICLES/beaulier11.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/index.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND CHILD SUPPORT
http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/policybriefs/pb2004-02.html
http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental-security-income/
http://family.findlaw.com/

FIND YOUR REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php
http://judiciary.senate.gov/

CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/

COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/links.html
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml

TAX INFO
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html

http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/14/pf/taxes/do_not_miss_tax_breaks/index.htm?postversion=2007021411

REPORT DEADBEATS
WORKING UNDER THE TABLE
(in writing, to your local and federal IRS offices)
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/compliance/enforcement/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp

Answer 2

I was always brought up with the idea that once you are married you become a family and families share everything. Now, people may think that this is a naive belief seeing that the divorce rate is more than 50% these days. It is human nature to want to protect one's self. I have been married less than one year and everything that we have is shared. We have a joint account and joint credit cards. When we got married, I wanted everything to be joint. We make about the same amount of money, but I owned a home and he did not. Different things work for different people. It just depends on your circumstances.

Answer 3

When I was married we had a joint account as well as sepearate accounts. We divided equally the household bills/mortgage/groceries and would deposit half each. We then would put what we had left from our paychecks into our own accounts. It didn't matter who made more we both lived in the house, both used the utlilities, phone, cable, internet and both ate the food that was brought in. One nice thing was that when we went on vacation we could go and do something on our own that the other wasn't interested in because we had the money to do so.

Answer 4

You don't need to combine EVERYTHING......
you should each have your own accounts, but have a JOINT account too.
Put a percentage of your earnings into the joint account. (we do 75%). The other 25% is for each of you to keep....the percentage makes it fair. that way if one earns more, they get too keep more, but they put in more too.

The joint account is for bills, groceries, utilities, house stuff, car stuff, kid stuff, etc. Any JOINT expense comes out of the joint account.

Our own money is our own money. We do whatever we want with it as long as it is legal and within the laws of marriage. But we are free to do what we want with our own money. that way it is fair........we have the joint account and married money that every marriage needs and we each have some pocket money to do whatever we want with.......that way we have marital security and a little financial freedom. and we have no fought about money in the 7 years we have been married.........

There are other details too......like I have a 401K and he has an IRA and we contribute to those. we put money in the baby's college fund every month. We have a joint savings that we skim money into when the joint account reaches too high. And I have my own savings, because I like to save up for wifely luxuries..........we are not rich, but we do very well. We save where we can, I am a coupon nut.....we only buy what we need and limit the wants. we almost never eat out or things like that. Our tax return goes straight into savings and we use some of it for a small vacation each year. basically we spend less than we make.........and we do very well.

and this plan works GREAT for us........

Answer 5

First of all, I have hear & seen of more maried couple keeping separate finances. In my opinion, It's not right. You are married and everything should be "Ours", not mine & hers. You need to sit down with him and calmly explain how you feel things should be between a married couple. They are his kids, and he does have a responsibility to provide for them. It shouldn't matter who makes more. When you're married, it's our money. I make more than my husband, but everything is ours. If we only have $20 left for the week and he's broke, I'll give it to him to make sure he has money & forget about myself. It's called not being selfish. What is he afraid of losing? Does he think you are going to blow all his paycheck on stupid stuff? If a talk with him doesn't work, I would see a marriage counselor for their opinion. Maybe then he'll see the error of his ways. If it continues it will only make you feel worse & worse and end up causing major problems for your marriage.

Answer 6

It's all about control, Babe. I agree, marriage is a joint effort, but honestly, my husband is the SAME way. And it used to drive me NUTS...because I felt that he keeps everything so separate that we don't really have a real marriage. It turns out that there's a lot worse issues than just having separate bank accounts. Anyway, it's about control. He controls what he feels is HIS money. Some people never get it that when you marry, it's US now, not YOU and ME. I finally gave up and started looking at it like....better for me. IF this doesn't work out, there's one less thing to worry about...but the courts WILL look at it like it's OURS then, and he won't have any choice about it.

Answer 7

Been married for 20yrs, we have a joint checking
accnt, both names on deed of house, and car
and the only difference is she has her own saving
accnt so she can spend her money any way she
wants. Both worked and both took part in paying
the bills, as that is what married couples do.

Answer 8

You need to talk to him and find out why he feels that way, after 10 years you think there would be trust. I make more than my husband, we have different checking accounts but just for keeping records, balancing, etc. We split the bills based on income, I pay more because I make more, we decide together on large purchases for the house and other than that we spend our own money.

Answer 9

so wats he spending his money for? ur husband is selfish..he cant even spend it for his children so have u checked if he has a lot of savings or maybe he's spending it for sumthing else...guys like this are not good for marriages coz though its good to be tightfisted w/ money, its bad wen u cant even spend for the family...y dont u confront him and xplain that u need his help too...money shud be joint wen married, by the way though..most guys i know even has to give their paycheck to their wives and the wives will be the onte hu budget the money for the family...the guy can have some left for his own spending too but the house, children and other neccesities must come first

Answer 10

Well a lot of guys don't share a checking account cause they spend too much money and mess up the family budget. On the other hand is the mortgage equal to 'all the other bills" ? You feel he has too much extra money? He might be just investing it so your not poor when he retires. He can't be making income forever. Just make sure your his beneficiary in his life insurance and in the will.
If he doesn't spend money on the kids.. who buys the presents? you ever ask him to to buy them anything? I mean communication is a 2 way street .. but you might remind him if anything happens to him its going to be hard for you to access his account if your name isn't on it.

Answer 11

he's a selfish man, he must have a considerable size in his savings account. he could be supporting a mistress and you wouldn't even know. this person has a bad heart. he feels that putting a roof over your heads is his only financial responsiblity. i would quit my job over this, sit home and if he refuses to feed all of you and pay the bills, i would leave him.
not divorce unless there is adultery, but separate for awhile.. if he never repents of this selfishness and never comes around wanting to work it out- my bet is he is supporting another woman. if you go to court while still working they will say you are self supporting and you don't need alimony or much child support. i am not for divorce, but this guy is abandoning you all financially, his $ is for he support of his family.