Why do people react this way?

Question

I am 33 years old, single, and have never had kids. Whenever I tell someone this, or meet up with old friends from highschool, they say, "Ohh, you never had kids or got married? Is there someone special in your life? You live all alone?" They act like they feel sorry for me, and like I am some kind of freak. I have spent a lot of time on my education and creating a future for myself. Also, unlike them I know what birth control is, and use it! Why do people do this?

I brought up the birth control thing because most of them had kids way before they got married, if they ever did.

Answer 1

Many people are under the incorrect belief that if you don't have a romantic partner in your life you can not possibly be "complete".

I completely disagree with this and I wish people would stop looking at it the way they do.
I myself am in a committed relationship, but my fiances mother is a woman who had two kids, had a divorce when her relationship fell apart and saw her life tumble down the drain because she wasn't her own woman. Now she's strong and relies sole on herself and is proud of this fact, but she's constantly asked why she didn't find another husband because she's a sweet wonderful, attractive woman. She has found that she likes herself and her life best alone after experiencing heartbreak.

The only time I think it is an issue that you don't have a love in your life is if you have the opportunity, find someone you love, and then push them away because of fear. Then I think you're missing out on something that could bring even more joy to your life then it already does.

Answer 2

It is natural in today's society to have the house the kids the hubby and all the debt. Don't be mad cuz people do this to you, just explain that you've decided to pursue a career before you settle down. IF you choose to do that at all. Stand proud of the fact that you've made a concious decision and you stand by it. 1 ? though, why be on birth control or have sex at all if not for procreating. yeah sex is fun but think about how an unwanted pregnancy could mess up your goals, birth control is not 100% sure. Also, STD's today are new strains and harder to combat, a lot of times getting an STD can bring alot of emotional harm or God forbid, kill you.

Answer 3

It's hard to say why people react when one does not get to see the behavior first hand. However, I can break it down to a general idea for you.

It's generally a safe assumption that most women want a boyfriend/husband and a family of their own. In fact, I would say that most women are obsessed with it. There's a whole genre of novels that deal with this subject, in fact.

Now a man probably wouldn't think twice about your situation. Men tend to either not see it as a problem, or they see it as your problem, and thus your business. (Unless they are single, and feel attracted to you. In which case they *have* a solution. But I digress.)

But a woman will attempt to empathize with you, which is where you get your problem. They will naturally assume that you do, in fact, want to get married and/or have children. From here we can break them into two groups.

The first group assumes that you have been looking for a man, but have failed. Thus, they feel sorry for you because you haven't found what you want. This group can be corrected, but then they can, and often do, turn around and join the second group.

The second group assumes you have been working on your career, and now have to find a man. They assume that most of the good men have already been taken, and that the rest are mostly defective somehow. Thus, they feel sorry for you because it is 'harder' for you to find a man than it was for them.

I'm certain that's not a 100% accurate for every woman, but it seems to be correct from my experience.

The problem, of course, is that they're trying to empathize with you, but they can't really empathize because they don't understand what your career means to you. Mostly, I'd say that they were trying to be nice, but there are exceptions.

Answer 4

I guess most people think you would have wanted to start a family by now and be married and divorced and have kids (that you can't afford to take of) who live in a split home.

Waiting till you are ready is not a position that needs to be defended.

Answer 5

Because they are pathetic. I am 39 and never married because of circumstances so what, I want to but never met the right person. The same with you, you just have not met the right person yet and because your intelligent enough to know what birth control is, it probably drives them nuts. keep up the good work and know that she may be just around the next corner. Take care Heather

Answer 6

It's a sterotype! If you were a guy saying the same thing...the reaction would be different. Maybe trying bragging about your education and career...instead of what you DO NOT have.

Answer 7

You know how it feels to be judged...so don't do it yourself.

They have found happiness in their life, and are trying to relate to you. Even if how they go about it is rude, they are trying to show an interest in your life. Take it as that, and get off your horse.

Answer 8

Maybe they just cherish their family so much they wish you could experience the joy of marriage & children.

Answer 9

because it's unusuall to people that choose a family first (and yes we know what birth control is too).......so you choose to make a career first.... and they chose a family first.....as long as your happy why worry about it..........i chose a family first and have a beautiful daughter and guess what i take birthcontrol too.....my sister picked a carrier first and is now trying for her first (she's younger than me).......

Answer 10

cause they have nothing better to do, and their jealous