My friends newly divorced mother is too dependant on her?

Question

My best friends parents split up a few months ago. [I cant remember if it was this year or just before christmas. i think her dad moved out this jan]
My friend is not happy about loads of things atm. College work, problems with friends and slight depression are just some of the things she's upset about.
Now her mother is becoming too dependant and its too much for her to cope with. I just told her i wanted to helped her and she said 'I know you do, but i cant talk to ppl easily Tenji; even you and since my mums been leaning on me more iv locked myself away more. i dont no how to be helped because i dont no how to talk about how i truely feel'
She wont talk to her mum and i think councelling is too soon. she's got to tell her mum her dad has a new gf soon so that will have a big toll on things.
other than being there for her, what else can i do or say? Even if its just a little thing. I've exhausted everything atm and I hate seein her like this. I just want to show her i care.

Answer 1

Well, I think by just being you, you are showing you that you care. You are obviously very concerned for your best friend and are a very compassionate person. Right now, your best friend is going through a very rough time, which you probably figured out already. Like you stated, she has been locking herself away more. I know you think that it's too early for a counselor, though I think your friend should consider a counselor. It might be a touch melodramatic, though you don't want to wait until she is in emotional trauma.

As for her mother being too dependent on her, I feel sorry for both mother and daughter. Your best friend's mother is obviously taking the divorce hard, and it is natural for her to depend on other family members. I also feel sorry for your best friend, of course, because she probably feels sad about her parents' divorce herself, but also has to shoulder her mother's dependency on her.

The fact that your father has a new girlfriend will have a big toll on things. I don't think your best friend should have to tell her mother this news, especially now. Her mother is still in distress, and will become even more so if she finds out. I think she should either not tell her mother at all, let her (former) dad tell her mother, wait until her mother is normal and all, or until her mother starts dating again. Otherwise, I don't think that would be a smart idea.

Some ideas you might want to consider are going to the movies, hanging out, and so on, just to take your best friend's mind off this matter temporarily. Also, persuade her to talk to a counselor.

Hope everything goes well. Bye!

Answer 2

My parents got divorced and my mom really needed me. You have to understand that what your friend is going through is one of the hardest things she will ever experience. I had to put my family back together after my dad found a new girl friend, after he forgot my brothers birthday, and refused to pay child support none of it is easy. But the best part is that your friend and her mom will get through this and even though her mom is more dependent now the relationship will get stronger and her mom and her will be closer than ever. Your friend needs to be there for her mother. What can you do? Well you can listen. If she says she can't go out just try to understand offer bringing over a movie and hanging instead but if she so much as mentions a word it means she is trying to talk and just let her open up. You sound like a great friend.

Answer 3

if your friend says she can't talk ,you need to figure out something else you can do with her to take her mind off things for a while , like bowling or beers or a movie.. then maybe take her mum out for a while,so your friend has a day off from things..... and why does she have to tell her mum about the new girlfriend ??????? this is clearly not a daughters responsibility.. mum will find out this information soon enough ( she will be very upset no matter who tells her or how she finds out,so there is no good reason to do so.{tell this to your friend}). tell your friend you really miss her. it is never too early for a little counselling..

and what the hell does atm mean.

Answer 4

The same thing happened to me while I was in college, my best friend was my roomate and her parents were still together so even though she tried to help she had never been there so it wasnt the same. My mother was also sick during the time of her divorce so she kinda lost it completely and I had 3 younger siblings I had to help take care of and worst of all my dad had a gf who was basically my age that I knew about and my mom didnt. Just continue to be there for your friend. She will crack sooner than later and will need you more than ever. Be easy on her and just let her know you care and will be there. Trust me, having someone there for you is the biggest thing you can do. Maybe take her out to dinner or a good fun girls night out. Best of luck!

Answer 5

It's not too soon for counselling. The longer she waits, the harder it might be.
I understand her mother is getting a bit dependant, but there has to be a limit to it.
Your friend is not a child exactly, but technically she still is and it's unfair of her mother to be smothering her like that. Why does your friend have to tell her mother about a new girlfriend? Can't she talk to her father, explain the situation and have him talk to her adult-to-adult?
They're doing her wrong!

Answer 6

your friends mum and dads problems shouldn't be hers,so if I were you I would say to your friend you have still got a life so live it,and let the parents sort themselves out,I know it sounds harsh but she has to realise,she has got a life and a future,I'm a mum of 2 and would never put my kids through that,I think she is lucky to have a friend like you,good luck

Answer 7

i actually just went thru the same exact thing...its not easy and i can feel for ur friend. i honestly truly can. it hurts like hell and sadly enough it only gets easier with time. it has taken me almost 4 years to completely cope with my mess of a life...she is hurting emotionally and most likely physically. but u have to understand her mom needs her daughter more then ever. if u think its hard on ur friend can u even imagine how it must feel to be her mother? and it doesn't seem like it was a mutual split so i'm sure her mom is a mess. my parents' split wasn't mutual. my dad walked out on his family for some tramp he met in vegas. its like getting stabbed in the heart. i know it feels like her mom is suffocating her and overwhelming her with emotion but i'm sorry there's not a whole lot anyone can do. its so so very important that ur friend and her mom lean on one another in this time. u just need to be there to catch her if she falls. i went thru depression, and even attempting suicide...its not something i'm proud of but i didn't have friends like u who took the time to ask me how i was. i felt so alone...its ur job to make sure that u NEVER let her feel that way. it sux that stuff like this happens to ppl u love and care about, but the truth is, it does. my only advice is to not abandon her.

Answer 8

just let her know u love and care for her and she can phone or come round to urs at anytime of the day or night to talk or rant or get away from things whenever she wants and needs too this will mean so much to her and hopefully things get better for her soon xx

Answer 9

she doesn't have to tell her mum about her dad's new gf; she is not the messenger; perhaps if she takes herself out of the middle of the two of them she will be less stressed; She needs to tell her mom that she is stressed and her mom will have to figure out things for herself.

Answer 10

Well look at it this way she depended on her mother for life. I think its ok for her to lean on her daughter for awhile don't you?Learn to think more considerate of others instead of yourself....Its called growing up