My husband and I live in a small/medium house and have A LOT of stuff. Most of the stuff is my husband's and he doesn't really want to give it up because he grew up poor and doesn't like getting rid of things that might be useful. Our garage is organized but is full. I hate having to clean around all this extra stuff in our house and I hate clutter. Here's what I've tried so far:
1. put his clutter in a box and ask him to find homes for everthing. This never gets done and we just have boxes of stuff.
2. I try to find homes for things but then he gets frustrated that he can't find his stuff.
3. I've tried making space for him to put his stuff so he can decide exactly where things go- it never happens.
I'm not his mother and am not going to yell at him to deal with his stuff. I don't yell or nag. I'm considering just getting rid of things we won't ever use. I honestly don't think he'll even notice. Is this wrong? I'm talking old calendars, shirts with holes....
2007-03-19 10:47:45 · 15 answers · asked by Erin H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps I grew up kind of poor myself. I have trouble getting rid of junk too. But, I would love to get rid of junk so that I can find the things that are really important to me. I don't know if this reasoning will work for your husband. But, perhaps you could have a heart-to-heart talk with him regarding your concerns.
"Wouldn't you like to be able to find the things that you need?"
I suppose you could think of so many lines. So think of some lines like that. Try to cut some kind of deal. Get him to help you with it. I am currently looking to pay someone to help me go through my things in an effort to get rid of as much stuff as possible.
But, be careful you do not throw anything that might possibly have sentimental value to him. That is why you need to do this together. My former wife threw out some books that were really important to me and it was just another something to hurt our marriage.
2007-03-19 11:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by devotionalservice 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In a marriage, the house is the woman's. Any man worth his salt knows this and gives his wife full reign to run the house as she sees fit. This is an amazing way for a man to have a very stress free life.
However your husband isn't honoring this. His territory is all his old stuff. He should be respecting your wishes.
But don't brow beat him. Try this - it might work.
So he grew up poor - but he isn't poor anymore - he is RICH. He has an amazing wife, a job, a home, a future, etc.
All the crutches, all the things that protected him when he was poor are no longer necessary. If he's holding onto a bunch of old junk because he is living imprints that are ten or twenty years old, there's more than just clutter he needs to clean up.
Buck him up - make him feel good about himself - stroke his ego, men LOVE this! Find an angle where him getting rid of his stuff will actually BENEFIT him. It's possible.
FP
2007-03-19 17:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by F. Perdurabo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would he be willing to have a garage sale to clear out some of the stuff? At least that way, there would be some income from all of it. Let him use the money, any way he wants (as long as he doesn't buy more junk you don't need). Maybe you could take a vacation together on the money or something.
Marriage seems to be full of these types of negotiations.
In my first marriage I had collected about 50 porcelain figures, but hubby said..I must clean them to keep them...I got rid of those..too much work! I have never missed them either.
P.S. do not take it upon yourself to get rid of things..it should be his decision.
2007-03-19 18:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by Eartha Q 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a filing cabinet for his papers and things like that and get crates and boxes for other stuff and store it in the attic or garage or a spare room if you can... This will cut down on the clutter.
2007-03-19 18:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get rid of stuff without him knowing, that's number one. Best thing you can do is give him ONE space for his stuff - for example, the garage, or a room in the basement. Or give him the option of renting a storage locker somewhere.
2007-03-19 18:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Get a rental space for his important stuff that he rarely uses.
2. Shirts with holes are for yard work, painting, etc. Don't trash them.
3. I can't help you with the calendars.
2007-03-19 18:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow put your foot down and explain to I'm that its going to be OK but some of this stuff just has to go. I know how he feels and give him time he;ll come around, what choice does he really have, lol.
2007-03-19 17:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Start throwing away things you have not used in more than a year. He will never know.
2007-03-19 17:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand what you mean I just take things I KNOW he will never miss and take them to the goodwill.I know its mean but what the hell I do not keep things from my freshmen year oh High School
2007-03-19 18:11:57 · answer #9 · answered by asmithchick 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my hubby does this too. i start siphoning off things he has not looked at in years, and will never notice are gone. little by little. if you think it is a memento or something you can't touch it, but old ratty shirts and shoes and stuff...geez, the things they collect!
2007-03-19 17:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by lukkyB22 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋