my husband and i have great sex. he lives in california i live in texas... i only see him so often. its strange because i think i forced myself to Love him. my father never accepted him since i was 16 when we met. he practically raised me since i was kicked out of my fathers house to be with him. im stuck beetween a rock and a hard place because i know i love him but im not IN love with him. he is everything to me and he takes care of me but at times i think did i force my self to love this man because he took care of me? it may sound all good but in all actuallity in our Boyfriend girlfriend relationship he cheated on me multiple times. as of now he talks to me with profanity and tells me that my ideas are stupid which i can NOT stand. i tell him all the time but he dont change. thats why i feel compelled to want to try something new. i dont know maybe its just all in my head.... i just need more respect because i know i deserve it!
2007-03-19 10:44:06 · 7 answers · asked by xoxohuney 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hes in the army adn i am his dependant. my mother which i live with now after not talking to for 12 years of my life has nine children in a two bedroom apt. he can offer me things i have never had the luxury of having, i feel so confused because we have onlt been married for one month and my head is all out of whack..is this the reality of me being married adn commited settling in or what?
2007-03-19 10:47:04 · update #1
for all the smart a** remarks about me being a liar and a cheater dont make me feel any worse because i have never cheated on my guy... he treats me like shyt so thanks to everyone that is all gung ho for an a** hole husband..
2007-03-19 10:57:38 · update #2
That is a strange kind of marriage, but I have heard of these long distance things before. I don't think I would be very happy doing that, because I like the companionship of someone with me.
If you are truly unhappy, the most correct thing to do would be to divorce..before you think about any other relationships.
It would not be fair to the other person or to yourself.
2007-03-19 11:16:22 · answer #1 · answered by Eartha Q 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I usually try and give hopeful messages, this one isn't all that positive.
First of all, why do you two live in separate states? Do they not have family housing on his base? Why aren't you two in it?
It sounds like the only thing you two have going for you is great sex. That's a pretty flimsy thing on which to base a marriage ('cause that can go sour too and most likely will). He sounds abusive. Has he cheated on you in the month you've been married? Please say yes, so you can get out of this thing. It sounds as though you have settled for caretaking over love. You made the correct statement when you said you are a dependent (I know what that means, 8 years Navy), because you ARE dependent on him AND he knows it and is using it to keep you in your place.
Things must change, you are his wife not a reason for more money for BAH and BAS. You should be treated with respect. If he won't give it to you, then give it to yourself. DO NOT continue to be his doormat. You will live with him, or you will know why it's not possible (I don't think Texas is a danger zone). If he's in training that's understandable, but you should know when you'll be joining him as a permanent housemate.
You're off to a rocky start, but it doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. When you two eventually live together, you two need to go to counseling. There is trouble ahead for this man if he will not care for his family - the military will make sure he cares for you.
One word of caution, I would not bring any children into this until you feel you two can make this thing work. Children are the last thing this marriage needs. Children never help a marriage - they are cause for further adjustments. They can be wonderful, but they are not what you two need - not now. It would totally tilt you two off course, and then your children will grow up in what type of conditons? Do you think he'll take them with him? ... probably not. It'll be just you and them, he'll have to help with them as long as he's in the military, but you'll have to find him first (try and always know he's chain of command - they will help you track him down).
2007-03-19 18:10:43 · answer #2 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look just be glad he lives in other start. You said you love him but not in love then wants the problem? You don't have to see him every day. And am sure you both cheat on each other? And when you where 16 you just like the idea of a older guy? And you can act older? And now that your grown you realized that this is not what I wanted. To bad. You should of thought of that before kids? Wake up honey, life is something WE Seattle for and the grass is not so greener on the other side. So before you put your kids though the mad with you dating other men and having other men around your kids you need to read some of Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger books or listen to her talk radio show on 640am Mon-Fri 12noon-3pm southern ca time.
2007-03-19 19:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, this is not normal. You need to be respected and trusted as an equal. The fact that he has a history of cheating just makes it all worse. You deserve a life where you are loved, feel wanted, and are respected in your opinions...but it is hard to imagine that you will get this with him without some major changes taking place. It's hard for me to recommend divorce, but your situation seems justified for it if there are no children involved.
Update: If you are considering an affair, don't. It could get ugly, you get an std or preggers...you need to play this straight up, and either decide to divorce him or stick by him. Then, own up to your choice.
2007-03-19 18:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is in the Army, you can receive counseling which may be beneficial to both of you. Yeah you may have been forceful but he didn't have to say yes either so it's up to the two of you, and ONLY the two of you to work this out and make it last just like is should be.
2007-03-19 18:00:53 · answer #5 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go see a marriage counselor and talk somethings out, now he has a responsibility to hear you out and come up with a solution or try to work things out! just make sure to try to remember that being married is like a job you have be responsible, on time, respectful and communicate to accomplish your goals, and just make sure you are both on the same page....Good luck
Im sorry but you are just not a very good wife just get a divorce so you can have sex with anyone you want! waste of time by answering your question!!!!!!! Get a LIFE!
2007-03-19 17:52:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are certainly confused. 3 days ago you posted a question about this guy you wanted to sleep with. An hour ago, you were seeking our blessing for an affair with (him??) someone.
You don't get any respect because you've done nothing to earn it. Grow up. Faster.
2007-03-19 17:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by Disco Stu 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋