My boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been together for 2 1/2 years. He says that he wants to wait until he is 25 before we get married. He says he wants to marry me, but just doesnt want to get engaged this far in advance. He comes from a family who has seen a lot of divorces from young marriages. Is he leading me on or is he being genuine?
2007-03-19 10:27:59 · 13 answers · asked by collegechickbre 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are both just starting career jobs and I am getting ready to go back to school part time. He has said that he wants to settle down and start his life before we get married;he would like us to travel and enjoy being young adults first.
2007-03-19 11:00:59 · update #1
We have been living together for the last year and a half and we have been friends for 12 years.
2007-03-21 10:49:11 · update #2
it seems like your young man is smart he's right in what he is planning don't rush and i think you two will get married in a few years he is Wise i think
2007-03-23 10:24:03 · answer #1 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being genuine. And it is smart to wait a little while to get married. 21 is young. And you grow up a LOT between 21 and 25. Is he working on a career or something that he wants to get started first? If not, and it's just a trust issue, maybe suggest a compromise with him. Maybe tell him that you would like to get married by about like 23 or something. Because I can understand you don't want to be wasting time with him if he's not really wanting to marry you - then you would have given him 6 years of your life and no marriage. Marriage is awesome and worth waiting (a while).
2007-03-19 17:45:34 · answer #2 · answered by Angel D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has some apprehensions about young marriages and he may feel that if you two do the traveling and enjoying those things now before you get married and older than the desire to do them after your married and maybe have kids will be satisfied.... For him this may be true...for you ..you may not want to wait..but if you love him and you have been together and lived together as long as you have then wating a little longer should not be a real problem...if you feel you can not wait then discuss this with him and see if there is a compromise to the time frame
2007-03-24 22:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by Dennis J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is right, however don't live with him. Both of you need to finish your post-secondary education, start your careers, live independently and with the reality of paying rent and bills, etc. People change tremendously during their 20s - not really a great time to be tied down. The guy I would have married at 21 is MILES away from the type of guy I married at 28!
2007-03-19 18:54:15 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is being smart considering his background, and his fear is a legitimate one.
My suggestions:
If you want to be sure he's sincere, no sex till your wedding night (and not a day sooner).
Request a "promise ring". It's like being engaged but not. Essentially, he is telling you that he wants to marry you, but isn't ready to make the commitment right now.
On another point, please respect this guy's position (I certainely do). I've seen alot of guys tell their girlfriends that they are ready to get married and they where just trying to get them into bed. From what you've said, he seems sincere; and the fact that he realizes his own unreadyness (instead of being reckless and putting you in danger) is a MAJOR sign of that.
Stick with the guy. If he continues this pattern, he'll make an excellent husband.
2007-03-19 17:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes he is being very genuine and honest with you about his heart and his feelings. He just wants to take it slow and make sure it is right and that the timing is right. Give him this time and love him for it... If it is meant to be it will last... Good luck to the both of you. I do not feel he is leading you on at all in this case. He just does not want to make the same mistakes his family has made and I do not blame him at all for how he feels.
2007-03-19 17:40:29 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change ALOT between about 18 and 30-esp. 20-25. You will change too. If you are supposed to be together-this will only make it stronger-don't be in such a hurry. Get your education and grow up a bit-enjoy him and love him. You will both know when the time is right---
2007-03-19 17:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boyfriend is being genuine. If the two of you are meant to be together then you'll be together for life.
2007-03-19 17:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being geniune. Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. Because what you may like now may not be what you like in 2.5 years.
2007-03-19 17:31:42 · answer #9 · answered by The girl next door 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know him better than his own mother so ask him what he thinks about a promise ring
2007-03-24 12:33:23 · answer #10 · answered by shellie g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋