Oh no! help me please!?

Question

I have this one close friend who is very close minded. Once she has her mind set, that's that. And everytime I tell her personal info about my relationship she doesn't agree with, she tells me that I am wrong, that my bf is a liar, and that I should leave him. So now I have stopped telling her stuff because she is too harsh and doesnt understand. So now she sneaks into my text messages and tells our other friends that I am gonna get knocked up and have sex (totally untrue!)

How can I make her understand that I dont tell her about my personal boy stuff because she is mean/gives bad advice? What is your outlook on my situation?

Answer 1

How important is this friendship to you? Is it important enough for you to be disrespected by her? Hope not. Please do yourself (and her) a big favor and let her know that you don't appreciate her behavior. Let her know that though you care for her, you need to set healthy boundaries gor yourself. Her reading your messages and spreading insensitive talk about you is not for a true friend to do. That is what enemies are for.

I once had a very good friend tell me things about myself that were hard to hear, but very valid. I had not realized I had been so harsh and insensitive to her. Though I was mad at first, it really hit home. I respected her so much more after that, and I also made some positive changes in my own behavior.

Life is too short to spend being hurt by those we are supposed to trust and depend on. If after you speak with her, she does not sincerely apologize and change her behavior, you may want to consider ending (or strongly limiting) your friendship with her. Her actions are immature, cruel, and utlimately not getting either of you anywhere.

Good luck. I wish you both the best.

Answer 2

I would just lay it all out on the table. Tell your friend that you know she means well and wants to stick up for you because the two of you are so close, but that you don't feel comfortable sharing your personal boy stuff with her because it seems to offend her and upset her. Tell her that it's better if she doesn't check your text messages so she won't have to worry. Maybe it'll work ok if you act like it's for HER benefit and not yours? If she won't buy it, then she's probably not that interested in being a real friend.

Answer 3

I kno exactly how you feel. One of my friends is exactly like that and it is hard to deal with. People will probably tell you that she is not a true friend and you should find others, but i understand you cant do that. You probably should confront her over it no matter how hard it seems. if she doesnt listen to you, just keep trying as best as you can. always kno that you are right and are a way better person than she is. Also, hopefully your other friends will come around and stick up for you :), they might not right away but give them time and they will face their fears of your judgmental friend. Maybe you should slowly start telling her things too because it is better she finds out from you than someone else. She might get mad at what you are telling, but tell her you are happy with your boyfriend and she needs to understand that you arent going to dump him just because she tells you to. I hope all of this works out for you sake. Just talk to the people who understand where you are coming from and they will help you through this. Good luck.

Answer 4

She doesn't sound like she's being a real friend. But you should just tell her how you feel. Explain that you can't continue to confide in her if she isn't going to be understanding and respectful, but you may have to accept that this is just who she is. If you can't you may have to let the friendship go. Also, I think her reading yur text messages is really sneaky and that's really not a quality I look for in friends.

Oh and btw good for you not having sex!

Answer 5

Maybe she doesnt understand how she is making you feel, because we all need a friend to share secrets with, if you feel she is giving you such bad advice i understand why you dont want to talk to her, but talk to her about how you feel on her advice, maybe then she wont be so harsh, she shouldnt go through your personal messages and spread lies. Maybe this isnt what you looking for in a friend.

Answer 6

honestly...she doesn't sound like a very good friend. You don't have to agree on everything, but if you can't talk to her that's a problem, and if she's sneaking into your texts and spreading nasty rumors about you, then she's just a b**** and will probably never understand or truly care about your situation.

Answer 7

OK not trying to be mean but anyone who goes into your personal stuff doesn't sound like a good Friend.Tell her like it is you don't appreciate her going through your things and then telling others .you cant confide in her and even when you do shes always right if she values your friendship shell will try to change but i would keep your problems to your self until you can trust her it might take awhile

Answer 8

Your friend is the definition of a hater. If I had never known what a hater was before, I do now. You need to tell her that you are no longer close to her like that and that she is overstepping her bounderies.

If she keeps it up, hit her in the eye.

Answer 9

Well, obviously this girl isnt even a true friend if shes doing this to you. A real friend wouldnt spread crap about you or get into your personal business...try finding some new friends. Good luck!

Answer 10

Usually closed minded people don't have the intellect to discuss things openly. Try to avoid telling her things that could trigger such a response.