I had a affair with someone that I work with about 6 months ago. My husband and I decidied to try to work things and try to put this behinde us. I have done everything from try to ware the undergarments that he preferes me to ware to getting a ride to work with someone we both know. I have had no contact with this other person other that what has to be at work. Last week my husband had to take a trip and I was unable to go. And by his actions I can tell that he feels something happened with this other person while he was gone. Nothing happened this other person has moved on with his life and myself with mine.
2007-03-19 09:57:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you cheat, you have to suffer the consequences: mistrust. You have to work day by day, proving yourself back to the other person. Saying, "I'm sorry", just is not enough. You have to prove you can be trusted again--and 6 months isn't long enough to earn that trust back---its going to take YEARS!
2007-03-19 10:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by HowdyThere 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you need is an objective third person. If for no other reason than to calm his fears. This person would be a volunteer (don't need a professional for this one) that you both know and trust. This person would act as an accountability person. Someone that you can talk to, if you are ever feeling emotionally weak (wanting either this guy or another). Involve your husband in picking this person (not a family member - maybe someone from church). She HER often, and tell him that you met with her and that things are going very well.
It takes time for trust to "re-grow." It's truly as if something has broken, and has to mend. Involving yourselves in marriage counseling will help speed up the process.
2007-03-19 10:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has some trust issues with you, hon, and when the trust is gone with betrayal, your marriage is about in the toilet. If marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, the passion you shared with someone else, and it is sure tuff for the guy to get pass the visual of his wife being pronged by another guy.... so the admiration and respect is gone, sweetie. Unless each of you wishes to save this marriage, and that means counseling, kiss it goooooddddddbyyyyyeeeee. Even in counseling, it will be two years before your relationship will recover, and that is no guarantee. But if you do not try counseling, the only taste left is betrayal.... and then, hon, you have a roommate until one or the other of you leaves.
2007-03-19 10:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. this is very personal, difficult situation for you and to be honest has a 50/50 chance of getting fixed. you crossed the trust line and if it was you could you forgive and forget,i am no expert in this but all you can do is remember why you met in the first place and what you liked in each other do you both still have IT. hang in there and if you really love each other it should work out. Best of luck.
2007-03-19 10:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by howya 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I Think that you guys should go to some sort of marriage counseling. But you have destroyed his trust in you and this is the reason he is acting like this with you. Yes he loves and this is why he is trying but you guys need an extra push. Trust is th foundation of a marriage without it there would be no ground under your feet and your marriage would fall. You need to get him to trust you even out of sight.
2007-03-19 10:40:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to wait it out. You can't expect him to just give you his trust. He did, and you repaid him by cheating on him. Good for you, that you ended the affair and moved on, but you have to remember, this will be with your husband for a very long time. It hurts, and it hurts bad. All you can do is wait for time, and your constant assuring, and doing right by him to finally gain his trust back. You have to earn it back, and you can't expect that to happen overnight. I know it's a long row to hoe, but this is what happens when you choose the wrong path. It takes a long time to find the smooth road again. Good luck.
2007-03-19 10:05:42 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You can't make your husband get over it. You messed up and it'll take a while for your husband to start trusting you again - if it ever happens. You'll either have to accept this since you are the one who made the mistake or move on if you can't handle it.
It's basically your problem - not his.
2007-03-19 10:03:09 · answer #7 · answered by Get a life 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is what happens to trust when you cheat... It takes a long time to earn that trust back. You are really going to have to work at this and it is going to take a great deal of work on your part since you were the one to have the affair.
2007-03-19 10:02:47 · answer #8 · answered by sugarbud 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get a job someplace else, Get as far away from this other person as possible. What do you expect your husband to do, you cheated. He has to gain your trust again. Easier said then done. It will take alot of time and understanding.
2007-03-19 10:02:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's part of the consequences. I don't understand why cheaters believe that it's alright for them to cheat and then go back to a normal life expecting their spouse to just forget about it just like that. You should've thought about that before you cheated.
2007-03-19 10:12:58 · answer #10 · answered by pangfvlx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋